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003. TGT: Reject Victimhood_Rob Decker

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003. TGT: Reject "Victimhood" _ Rob Decker Be Relentless

Episode 3 of The Grit Theory. Get ready to immediately dive into the dirt and muck of intense personal formation. This podcast is not for the faint of heart. Real and tough stuff is discussed. This is “leg day” and we all know how we feel about leg day (Except Jon, but he’s weird). A couple nuggets:-          Rejecting the “victimhood” mentality-          The necessity to face the person in the mirror-          The decision to choose a life pursuing resilience-          The desire to give back and serve others –          The realization that all decisions, good or bad, that we make will affect those around us-          The goal to create a starting place for the next generation that exceeds what this generation can accomplish More on Rob Decker:To learn more check out https://robdeckerspeaks.com He is a certified personal trainer with extensive experience working privately with clients as well as for major high end establishments such as Equinox and Lifetime Fitness.  He currently resides in Colorado.Rob is also a CCAR (Center for Addiction Recovery) Coach. CCAR focuses on providing individuals with the skills needed to guide, mentor and support anyone who would like to enter into or sustain long-term recovery from an addiction to alcohol or other drugs.Rob is always available for private personal training session at your gym, your home, or even outdoors and can develop a personalized fitness and nutrition program to meet your needs.  Rob specializes in weight management, strength training, and nutrition.Rob is a published author and public speaker who has appeared on numerous podcasts speaking about his faith and his commitment to fitness. Once again, to learn more check out https://robdeckerspeaks.com Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT! Join The Grit Theory Community Here! 

Episode 3 of The Grit Theory. 

Get ready to immediately dive into the dirt and muck of intense personal formation. This podcast is not for the faint of heart. Real and tough stuff is discussed. This is “leg day” and we all know how we feel about leg day (Except Jon, but he’s weird). A couple nuggets:

–          Rejecting the “victimhood” mentality

–          The necessity to face the person in the mirror

–          The decision to choose a life pursuing resilience

–          The desire to give back and serve others 

–          The realization that all decisions, good or bad, that we make will affect those around us

–          The goal to create a starting place for the next generation that exceeds what this generation can accomplish 

More on Rob Decker:
To learn more check out https://robdeckerspeaks.com

He is a certified personal trainer with extensive experience working privately with clients as well as for major high end establishments such as Equinox and Lifetime Fitness.  He currently resides in Colorado.

Rob is also a CCAR (Center for Addiction Recovery) Coach. CCAR focuses on providing individuals with the skills needed to guide, mentor and support anyone who would like to enter into or sustain long-term recovery from an addiction to alcohol or other drugs.

Rob is always available for private personal training session at your gym, your home, or even outdoors and can develop a personalized fitness and nutrition program to meet your needs.  Rob specializes in weight management, strength training, and nutrition.

Rob is a published author and public speaker who has appeared on numerous podcasts speaking about his faith and his commitment to fitness. 

Once again, to learn more check out https://robdeckerspeaks.com

Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT! 

Also, check out Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be waymakers HERE.

Do you want to learn more? Check out:

The Book: Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be WayMakers.

The Podcast: “Be Relentless Podcast”

The Fuel: Sisu Stamina, Performance Evolved

Linktree: Here.


Episode Transcript

00;00;00;29 – 00;00;01;15

Aaron

Good morning.

00;00;01;15 – 00;00;21;27

Aaron

Everyone, and welcome to the great theory. Wow. This is a very exciting episode for us. We are sitting here with Rob Dekker, The Mountain, the Rob Zilla. Of all that Rob is will be talked about to know. We’re going to we’re going to talk a little bit about who Rob is because his story of grit is one worth hearing.

00;00;21;28 – 00;00;38;11

Aaron

I think we’re going to get we’re in a mindset nuggets as we do today as we talk with Rob Dekker, who is the owner of Kingdom Fit, Faith and Training. He also has a pretty incredible story how he got here. So. Good morning, John. Good morning. With us today. How are you doing?

00;00;38;12 – 00;00;47;12

Jon

Yeah, doing well. So when you when you told me about Rob, I was expecting someone with a dad bod. He, like, trained out of a gym buggy, showed up guns ripping out of a shirt.

00;00;47;12 – 00;00;49;10

Aaron

Yes, I know. What is this?

00;00;49;11 – 00;00;51;19

Aaron

Yeah, I wouldn’t pick on Rob. Yeah, just looking at him.

00;00;51;21 – 00;00;55;24

Rob Decker

I purposely wore a smaller shirt today. Boys get. Yeah, Just for you. Is it.

00;00;55;24 – 00;00;56;01

Jon

Called the.

00;00;56;04 – 00;01;01;01

Aaron

Medium? Yeah, it’s a voice medium. So my four year old.

00;01;01;01 – 00;01;04;13

Rob Decker

I tapped into his closet and I’m like, Yo, Caleb, I’m wearing this today, bro.

00;01;04;26 – 00;01;08;05

Aaron

You know? Yeah. Yeah.

00;01;08;18 – 00;01;20;18

Jon

I was half tempted to reach out to you and be okay. I know it’s weird, but I’m hitting the gym in the morning. If you want to come and work out. And then we go up all sweaty and just make fun of Aaron coming in the suit. Let’s do it.

00;01;20;23 – 00;01;22;29

Rob Decker

Oh, that would have been so awesome.

00;01;23;07 – 00;01;24;02

Aaron

Do you know how much I.

00;01;24;02 – 00;01;26;20

Rob Decker

Enjoy making fun of Aaron? You know what I do, too?

00;01;26;21 – 00;01;28;08

Aaron

The two of us love that idea.

00;01;28;20 – 00;01;30;00

Aaron

I think that’s great.

00;01;30;28 – 00;01;35;18

Jon

And the reason we’re giving Aaron such a hard time is because he was terribly late this morning.

00;01;35;19 – 00;01;36;29

Aaron

Oh, yeah. You know, he just.

00;01;37;05 – 00;01;39;02

Jon

Showed us where his priorities are, not.

00;01;40;24 – 00;01;41;00

Aaron

Because.

00;01;41;02 – 00;01;42;02

Rob Decker

We don’t have things to do.

00;01;42;04 – 00;01;43;12

Aaron

Today. We don’t.

00;01;43;21 – 00;01;46;16

Jon

There’s all this is built to. To bring you joy.

00;01;46;21 – 00;01;51;04

Aaron

I should say I had a meeting before this, but whatever doesn’t matter.

00;01;51;04 – 00;01;53;11

Aaron

There’s nothing like accommodating. So.

00;01;53;13 – 00;01;58;17

Jon

So, you know, no excuses, right? No one cares that you had traffic, that your cat died.

00;01;58;18 – 00;02;03;04

Aaron

That’s true. That’s true. I disrespected you, and I apologize. I’m just going to own it.

00;02;03;04 – 00;02;06;15

Jon

Thank you. I accept your apology. All right. Thanks. I’ll let the anger drain out.

00;02;06;23 – 00;02;08;07

Aaron

Now, here’s the key. Can we move.

00;02;08;07 – 00;02;12;00

Aaron

On? Yes. All right. All right.

00;02;12;01 – 00;02;33;14

Aaron

Excellent. Well, Rob. So I think just assuming people don’t know who Rob Decker is, I mean, you know, you’re semi-famous in your own little world, right? Right. But, you know, the reason we have a guest on here is because we know there’s just incredible stories. We all have our own piece and information that we’ve learned along the way.

00;02;33;21 – 00;02;54;24

Aaron

And these discussions, I think, are just great because they add to our information on how to get through the disciplines of life. Right. But you’re you’re started pretty aggressively, right? We’re not gonna go all the way back to little boy Rob. But take me back to a place where you kind of vectored to start having healthy decisions and healthy disciplines in your life.

00;02;54;24 – 00;02;55;18

Aaron

So take me there.

00;02;55;28 – 00;03;01;05

Rob Decker

So you want me to start with the healthy stuff? Because I think it kind of started with the unhealthy stuff, right?

00;03;01;10 – 00;03;03;12

Aaron

Like, Yeah, yeah, you get that. So yeah.

00;03;03;26 – 00;03;27;21

Rob Decker

Ultimately what happened was, is that I came out of a very traumatizing childhood both my parents were addicts and alcoholics and very troubling relationship that they had. And eventually that carried over onto me. And then I got involved in drugs and alcohol at a very young age. I did take a liking to fitness. Fitness was an escape for me.

00;03;27;22 – 00;04;01;25

Rob Decker

Sports. I played baseball. That was a great escape for me. But, you know, after that one hour workout or that two and a half hour game, it’s back to reality. Right through my twenties, I just got deeper into the drugs and the alcohol and getting into very poor relationships until I met my match and one of my relationships where I was accused of rape and attempted murder, which led me to a suicide attempt where I jumped headfirst out of a three storey loft, clipped my foot on an awning, broke my back, shattered my left arm, broke my right wrist and collapsed my left lung.

00;04;02;05 – 00;04;12;16

Rob Decker

And I was told that I was never going to walk again. In the event that I did, I would be highly medicated and I’d be living off a disability. I would never play sport or workout ever.

00;04;12;17 – 00;04;16;27

Jon

Wow. Okay, real quick.

00;04;17;16 – 00;04;29;18

Aaron

Yeah, right. That was a lot of crazy. Okay. So. Okay, time out. Right. So can we say can we agree that maybe that was rock bottom? I mean, you know, I kind of got I mean, you put. Well.

00;04;29;28 – 00;04;43;15

Jon

Yeah, I think I think that we need to take one more step of pause just because that was like, yeah. Can you tell us about a time that, you know, you may be struggling and you had the choice to quit or something and I mean, you’re.

00;04;43;15 – 00;04;45;02

Aaron

Sitting here like, Yeah, man, Well.

00;04;45;02 – 00;04;49;11

Jon

Here’s a nuclear warhead and it’s detonating now.

00;04;49;19 – 00;04;50;12

Aaron

Right, right.

00;04;50;12 – 00;05;05;15

Jon

So I think that’s going to I think the potency of that is going to catch people off, like completely off guard. Caught me off guard. Just all that shotgun blast. Right? Right. Awesome. But that’s heavy. You’re smiling. Yeah. So I can’t wait to see.

00;05;05;19 – 00;05;06;20

Aaron

Where we go with this.

00;05;06;26 – 00;05;29;23

Aaron

What’s crazy to me, too, Rob, before you get into the next piece of it, right, is that some people need that severity of a bomb in their life. You know, like, I know how intense you are anyway, so it’s almost like the converse intends city had to happen before you would even get your attention. Right. You needed. You needed that.

00;05;29;29 – 00;05;33;18

Rob Decker

Well, I’m kind of that all or nothing guy. Yeah. I mean, if I’m going to commit.

00;05;33;18 – 00;05;37;26

Aaron

I’m really going to commit. Okay. You’re going to blow this meeting for sure that day? Yeah.

00;05;37;26 – 00;05;40;29

Jon

At first out, a three story. That’s. That takes courage.

00;05;41;03 – 00;05;41;09

Aaron

Yeah.

00;05;41;10 – 00;05;43;21

Jon

Even in the negativity that that was. Wow.

00;05;43;29 – 00;06;01;08

Rob Decker

It was. It was a bold move, you know. But I think that at that point in my life, at 29 years old, I had just had it with the lifestyle that I was living. I was making all sorts of bad choices. I was a drug dealer. I was homeless. You know, I wasn’t working. I didn’t have my license.

00;06;01;08 – 00;06;18;06

Rob Decker

Like I was engaged in this really horrible relationship. The young lady was an escort, you know, And and here I am being falsely accused of some stuff. And it was just that moment, you know? And as a child, you know, I used to be fed this lie that you’re going to be dead or in prison by the time you’re 30.

00;06;18;17 – 00;06;37;03

Rob Decker

And so here it is, eight days after my 29th birthday, Memorial Day weekend, and the perfect storm of events happened where I get accused of what I got accused for. And that was the moment that was just the moment that, like it was just the perfect storm for me to commit to that act.

00;06;37;07 – 00;06;37;26

Aaron

Yeah.

00;06;37;26 – 00;06;39;02

Rob Decker

Yeah. Mm hmm. So.

00;06;40;09 – 00;07;03;29

Aaron

Well, Rob, that’s okay. So. So here we are. We’re at this place where you’re coming to the end of yourself. I mean, you said that, you know, you enjoyed sports. Like that was an escape for you, and that was taken from you. And, you know, relationships were something that you kind of found some solace. And that’s to I mean, you’re just to the place where you’re you’re looking hard into the mirror.

00;07;03;29 – 00;07;05;26

Aaron

Right? Right. So what did you do? Yeah.

00;07;05;27 – 00;07;17;05

Jon

John, where were you? I don’t even know if you were looking in the mirror at that point. And you probably woke up like, what’s happened? You’re learning, you’re broke, Your body’s broken. All these things that made bring you joy in what sounds like a pretty dark time.

00;07;17;17 – 00;07;18;01

Rob Decker

Right?

00;07;18;03 – 00;07;19;16

Jon

Are being ripped from you.

00;07;19;26 – 00;07;20;10

Aaron

What?

00;07;21;13 – 00;07;24;22

Jon

You know, what was the next step? What happened next?

00;07;25;07 – 00;07;53;21

Rob Decker

Oh, man. I got arrested in the hospital for rape and attempted murder and had $1,000,000 bail thrown on me, man. And, you know, I think surviving that incident really woke me up in a sense. I knew that there was a purpose for my life. I just didn’t know what it was at that point. But going with the theme of looking in the mirror, man, you just brought something back for me that I hardly ever talk about.

00;07;54;06 – 00;08;13;29

Rob Decker

And I remember. So when I jumped out of that window, I was £215 solid muscle. I looked like a small linebacker, just shaved my head. I had this tough guy look, you know, and and three weeks, four weeks after I jumped out of that window, I had to have a couple of surgeries so that I could walk again.

00;08;13;29 – 00;08;37;10

Rob Decker

I mean, the first few weeks were just it was it was hell. And I remember getting up out of the bed to go to the bathroom and I look up into the mirror and I don’t even recognize that dude that’s in the mirror. Like, who’s this dude that’s in the room with me? And it was me, man. Some of my hair growing back.

00;08;37;10 – 00;09;03;01

Rob Decker

I lost, I think it was £50, £55. I dropped from 215 to about 160, maybe a little bit lighter than that. They weren’t weighing me at the time, but I mean, I was skinny, you know, I looked like someone who hadn’t eaten for a long time. And the reality was, is that in the hospital I couldn’t eat. I was on so many pain medications that my appetite just wasn’t there.

00;09;03;23 – 00;09;34;14

Rob Decker

So my body just atrophied so quickly. And I remember the there was a physical therapist that came in like day one, and she went to go put something around my leg to measure it, right? It was to check my blood pressure and she couldn’t get it around my legs. It’s like this dude’s got some BS legs, right? You know, for squatting 500 to £600 and comes back a few weeks later and she’s basically using a blood pressure gauge that you put around someone’s arm around my leg.

00;09;35;00 – 00;09;55;22

Rob Decker

And she looks at me and she’s like, You need to go home. Whatever’s going on here isn’t helping you, you know? And I just couldn’t I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was in so much pain. And yeah, So thanks for bringing that back. I mean, hardly do I ever get to talk about that experience of looking in the mirror and, you know, years after that, I couldn’t look in the mirror.

00;09;55;22 – 00;09;58;01

Rob Decker

I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I was so ashamed.

00;09;58;04 – 00;10;16;16

Jon

Well, there’s something really powerful to that mirror situation. I can relate to that in a not in a similar, but in my own way, I am a mere wake up calls. Who is this guy? Hate this person. I’m looking at him. Right. I want to walk a little bit further in that. Yeah, talk about a little bit more because that triggers something, right?

00;10;16;17 – 00;10;22;03

Jon

When when you look in the mirror like, who is this? Right? And then you can’t stand that right. What what did you do with that?

00;10;23;09 – 00;10;43;15

Rob Decker

Well, you know, I knew that I was going to have to hit a path and rehabilitation and I was going to have to get stronger through the trials and tribulations that I was going through at that time. Was it easy? Absolutely not, man. You know, I was still highly medicated. I couldn’t I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror at all.

00;10;43;15 – 00;11;00;15

Rob Decker

It just I mean, when I got out of that hospital and I mean, we’re missing a big chunk of the story of what happened in the hospital. But I went to go stay with my mom. And I remember I would go to the bathroom with my head down. I just couldn’t bear to look at myself because I couldn’t move.

00;11;00;15 – 00;11;21;00

Rob Decker

I just wasn’t that guy. I mean, fitness. Fitness was my God. I worshiped fitness. Fitness was that one thing that I was able to turn to in all my in my anger and my depression and my anxiety. I was able to turn and I worshiped that. Like, if I could get anything for people to admire, it was my physique.

00;11;21;15 – 00;11;48;07

Rob Decker

And that was all taken away from me. The reality is, is that my the outside, my shell looked really strong and and, you know, the way people would look at you was like, man, that guy’s got it going on. He’s got it figured out. Like, but on the inside, not at all. Not even remotely. I was a broken little boy that was falling apart, you know, that what you could see was just it was a mirage, man.

00;11;48;19 – 00;12;14;01

Rob Decker

It wasn’t for real at all. And so it took me a lot of really deep internal spiritual awakening and addressing childhood trauma and and forgiving myself for the things that I had done to myself and forgiving the people around me for the things that they had done that made me the person I was. You know, there was such this.

00;12;14;01 – 00;12;25;14

Rob Decker

Like I had to work out the spirit man. You know, that’s what needed to build some serious muscles. And in order for me to get that to that place, my physical muscles had to be taken away.

00;12;25;14 – 00;12;29;16

Aaron

That is so good, John. I know both of us are, like, Ready? Yeah. I’m pregnant.

00;12;29;25 – 00;12;57;08

Jon

I cannot wait to after, you know, you go, Okay. Yeah. Yes. When I hear you say, like, experiment, what I’m hearing is this. I can even see it on your face right now. You’re wrestling with the memory of building your character and who you are as a man. Yeah, right. It’s one thing to be a broken boy who can destroy things with their body.

00;12;57;21 – 00;13;23;17

Jon

It’s another thing to have a destroyed body and no self-respect and to realize that if I’m going to live anything in this life, I need to build something that I can stand behind right in who I am. Right? Right. And what I’m hearing and this is a question for accuracy’s. What you’re describing is the path of beginning to take extraordinary personal ownership over what you are finding both in the mirror and inside.

00;13;23;24 – 00;13;33;26

Jon

Right. And beginning to put the work in to build up that spirit self, that inner man, that inner voice, and is something of strength and character. Yes, right. Is that accurate?

00;13;34;02 – 00;13;36;11

Rob Decker

100%. I didn’t want to be a victim anymore.

00;13;36;17 – 00;13;37;17

Jon

Yeah, that that’s.

00;13;37;17 – 00;13;54;03

Rob Decker

I didn’t want to be that right. That’s it. I wanted to be a game changer. Yeah, I wanted to walk into this world. You know, I’m still very close to a lot of my friends. You know, I’m 42 years old, and I look at a lot of my friends back home and they’re still struggling with the same childhood struggles.

00;13;54;17 – 00;14;18;24

Rob Decker

I didn’t want to be that guy. I wanted to be an example of the guy that could turn it around. And there’s nothing special about me, boys. Nothing you can do. Anyone can do it. Yeah. You have to be willing to rip off that Band-Aid. You have to be able to be willing to look in deep and deal with the pain and the agony and the stresses of the unforgiveness and the childhood pain.

00;14;18;24 – 00;14;40;06

Rob Decker

And, you know, accepting that mom and dad were too human beings as well. And they were broken and they needed help, you know, and they just passed on to you whatever they had. Right. Like there was just so much depth to the things that I was trying to figure out and understand. But it helped build me to be a man.

00;14;40;28 – 00;14;52;00

Rob Decker

How many of us men walk through this life and we’re not men? Yeah, that’s cool. You make a lot of money, then You got a cool job, bro. That’s a nice car, man. You got some muscles. That’s cool, bro. You’re a boy. Yep. You’re a straight up boy.

00;14;52;19 – 00;14;53;22

Aaron

You know? Wow.

00;14;54;02 – 00;14;55;03

Jon

I’m on fire right now.

00;14;55;25 – 00;14;56;24

Aaron

So we’re just.

00;14;56;24 – 00;14;57;17

Aaron

Lit up right now.

00;14;57;28 – 00;15;12;03

Jon

It’s super fun because, like, you know, they say go to the military. It makes you man, right? The army didn’t make me, man. It showed me how much of a boy was right. Right. What what made me start to become a man was looking in the mirror. And that was actually when I was making the decision to transition.

00;15;12;03 – 00;15;28;10

Jon

That’s not the Army’s fault. This is my own brokenness, my own weakness. Right. But I had to start making those decisions. Right? Look in the mirror. This is who I’m going to become. But what you just said, I think, is like my internal battle cry that I don’t articulate very well. But I hate the victim like I hate with every fiber of my being.

00;15;28;13 – 00;15;45;03

Jon

The victimhood mentality right? Because that does nothing but steal, kill and destroy everyone. It touches you. And to say, no, I’m not going to be a victim anymore. That’s a choice anyone can make. And then you’re like, Anyone can do it. It’s easy. You just have to go through the agonizing.

00;15;46;13 – 00;15;52;24

Aaron

Of of looking at your sweat, all the the sleepless nights. Right?

00;15;53;06 – 00;15;56;28

Jon

Just anyone can do it. It’s not that hard if you can just literally go.

00;15;56;28 – 00;15;58;00

Aaron

Through your worst.

00;15;58;00 – 00;15;58;27

Jon

Version of hell.

00;15;58;27 – 00;16;11;14

Aaron

Right? And those endless tears get yummy, delicious. You don’t need hydration. It’s so much easier during this phase one Gatorade. Lick your tears, right? That gives you power. Right?

00;16;11;19 – 00;16;14;04

Jon

That’s why I agree. The beard, the tears and I.

00;16;14;04 – 00;16;18;08

Aaron

Just stay naturally hydrated. Right. And then in Colorado go outside, they freeze.

00;16;18;08 – 00;16;18;23

Rob Decker

You could save.

00;16;18;23 – 00;16;21;22

Aaron

Them for later. Right? But yeah, but there’s.

00;16;21;22 – 00;16;32;01

Jon

Power to it because you said I had a word for it. And forgive me, I forget the word you said because I didn’t want to be a victim. I wanted to be a game changer.

00;16;32;01 – 00;16;32;12

Aaron

A game.

00;16;32;12 – 00;16;52;20

Jon

Changer? Yeah. Yeah. And the thing that I just stumbled into for myself is I want to. I want to be a way maker. Yes. So it’s like a game changer. Way maker. What happens when a boy decides to look themselves and start to pay the price should become a man. They want to. They gain the courage to stand on their own feet.

00;16;52;26 – 00;16;55;25

Jon

Yep. And effect change.

00;16;55;25 – 00;17;19;18

Rob Decker

Right? Well, you know, I think that we live in a culture that’s afraid to feel. And there are growing pains and becoming a man, and you have to be willing to absorb those pains. Unfortunately, you know, everyone wants to pop pills. They want to watch porn. They want to they want to work out. They want to distract themselves from the realities of life.

00;17;19;18 – 00;17;44;23

Rob Decker

And growing up, you got to embrace that man, embrace the suck, embrace the struggle, like it’s a struggle that builds character, right? That’s what I learned. And as far as the victim mentality, like I can understand the victim mentality and it suck to see other people going through it. But a lot of people are just conditioned to go through things like that and you have to be willing to.

00;17;46;28 – 00;17;47;18

Aaron

Go through those.

00;17;47;18 – 00;17;49;02

Rob Decker

Spiritual workouts.

00;17;49;12 – 00;18;09;00

Aaron

So, so much for having it interject, because just to add some levity to the conversation, I know as a fitness trainer, we can talk about that here in just a minute to like why you do what you do. But yeah, you know, the the cardinal rule of fitness training that every fitness trainer tries to deal with is you don’t skip leg day, right?

00;18;09;00 – 00;18;11;23

Aaron

You know, you guys. Yeah. You can’t skip this.

00;18;11;24 – 00;18;12;09

Rob Decker

Day of the week.

00;18;12;09 – 00;18;13;22

Aaron

Did you love like.

00;18;13;22 – 00;18;16;20

Aaron

Every day Leg day. Oh that’s so and so let’s let.

00;18;16;20 – 00;18;23;03

Rob Decker

The audience know. I’ve trained Aaron several times and he knows my deep appreciation and sickness for leg.

00;18;23;03 – 00;18;24;24

Aaron

Day and John does the same thing.

00;18;24;24 – 00;18;32;19

Aaron

It’s like, I like it. It’s like I’m pretty sure your friends love, like, closer They are. This is Bond. Who’s Aaron? It’s like, we don’t.

00;18;32;19 – 00;18;33;20

Rob Decker

Need him here anymore.

00;18;34;29 – 00;18;36;09

Aaron

But I guess this.

00;18;36;09 – 00;18;45;11

Aaron

Is this is personal purpose because this is analogous to what we’re talking about because, you know, Ira, I was training is just like, hey, I get this back pain, I got this thing and you’re like, Oh, it’s your legs. I’m like.

00;18;45;11 – 00;18;45;21

Aaron

Yeah.

00;18;46;05 – 00;19;09;21

Aaron

Why is that my legs? I hurt here. It’s like, Well, because, you know, if you told me other things, core strength, all that kind of thing. But, but just like where you came to the into yourself, you’re strong and some muscles but they weren’t serving you anymore like they knew you were weak in some areas. Like, that’s a really hard pill to swallow is that you haven’t been you’ve been skipping leg day emotionally, right.

00;19;09;22 – 00;19;15;28

Aaron

Or with your past or your stuff and it will always catch up to you. Right? I mean, that’s a you have some.

00;19;15;28 – 00;19;38;09

Rob Decker

Point, you know. Yeah. You’re going to find that that leak in the hose at some point. Yeah. It’s going to find its way out. Right. And unfortunately, like, you know, your legs is what you’re standing on. Your core is the center of who you are. Right. And so and I think those are the two areas that most you know, it’s funny because in the fitness realm and we all know it, you got the guy that does crunches for days because he wants his abs to look right.

00;19;38;09 – 00;19;41;15

Rob Decker

But deadlift you get really right. But but where’s.

00;19;41;15 – 00;19;41;19

Aaron

The.

00;19;41;19 – 00;20;03;22

Rob Decker

Strength in Europe? Where is the real true stabilization in your core? Like you can still be move. That’s cute. You got some pretty little abs that’s that’s adorable. It’s great for the beach but where’s the function You know where’s the strength? And so I became more of like that deep inner strength. Like, here’s the thing. When I chase that deep, the deep inner strength, like the abs show up, right?

00;20;03;22 – 00;20;24;29

Rob Decker

They just happen to show up instead of just instead of just chasing the superficial stuff, Right? Yeah. Because within the superficial, you’re so focused on just the abs. Like, here’s the I’m big on the glutes. The glutes to me, hands down a part of the muscle that we should just overtrained, if you can, overtraining it right the glutes tie into the hips into the core.

00;20;24;29 – 00;20;34;05

Rob Decker

Right. It’s all part of the core system, right? You can have a nice core, but some crummy glutes, man, you know, And that’s part of your foundation. You know those.

00;20;34;05 – 00;20;36;05

Aaron

Legs. Jon has stars in his eyes right now.

00;20;36;05 – 00;20;39;06

Aaron

Oh, he’s. Yeah, I see him. He just. I think he’s.

00;20;39;06 – 00;20;40;15

Rob Decker

Going to ask me out to do.

00;20;40;20 – 00;20;46;15

Aaron

Did I see it in his eyes? Listening If romance is so strong right, Right.

00;20;46;16 – 00;20;48;09

Rob Decker

You teach. You’re speaking my lingo.

00;20;48;09 – 00;20;55;03

Aaron

Yeah, it’s. It just. It it feels so good. Ostracizing people, right? Listening. Right. You guys are nerding out in the gym.

00;20;55;03 – 00;21;01;05

Jon

I have two things, and I do think it’s relevant, and I think also help kind of ground to that one. Yet the bromance is strong.

00;21;01;06 – 00;21;02;06

Aaron

Yeah. Yeah.

00;21;02;06 – 00;21;03;04

Aaron

We’ve established that.

00;21;03;14 – 00;21;04;20

Jon

We all known. Right.

00;21;05;10 – 00;21;11;22

Aaron

Right. Like I think you’re saying, yes, we just became best friends. Yeah. But.

00;21;12;07 – 00;21;36;02

Jon

You know, I think what we’re talking about is we’re using a lot of analogies and we’re speaking from who we are, Right? We we are men. So that is what we understand. And that’s perfectly right. Perfectly perfect. Yeah, it’s it’s perfect. But it makes sense, right? Like, I’m not anything except what I am, so that’s good. But all these things, the training, the building character, all these are metaphors.

00;21;36;02 – 00;22;00;10

Jon

For we realized we were imbalanced and we needed to look at ourselves to begin to make the hard adjustments to cut off that which is not valuable, to realize that most of what we are at some point is probably not valuable, and to begin to pull out that which produces value. And there’s and that’s where what we’re talking about with the workout I think is a metaphor.

00;22;00;10 – 00;22;25;02

Jon

And that’s where your story so powerful because it’s like I had the body, I had the strength, but my mind, my character was nowhere to be found. And the only other thing that I was I was honestly, while we were laughing, it reminded me of my wife, because I think that what we’re talking about is true to humans, right?

00;22;25;02 – 00;22;49;13

Jon

Like my wife in her story has had to stop playing the victim also and start choosing balance and start fighting forward. And I think it’s just important to tie that in to this conversation, because what we’re talking about is, I believe, universal to the human experience. It’s, hey, we need to wake up. And if we’re going to become something of value in this world, we need to pay the brass tax.

00;22;49;13 – 00;22;52;10

Jon

And that is a painful experience. What do you think about that?

00;22;52;10 – 00;23;10;23

Rob Decker

So I want to share a word with you and so the audience can take one word away, write it down, put it on your desk, in your mirror. I don’t whatever you want to do with it. Resilience. Yeah. You know, I think that we live in a culture that lacks resilience, and I lacked it for victims, lack resilience.

00;23;11;06 – 00;23;22;01

Rob Decker

They get into a situation and then they buckle, right? There’s no fight in them. And so I think that what my recovery Rehoboth really rehabilitation.

00;23;22;26 – 00;23;23;18

Aaron

Growth.

00;23;24;20 – 00;23;53;18

Rob Decker

Really was was building resilience and I would challenge the audience to really meditate on that word resilience and where can I apply that in my life? You know, because being a victim is just not it. You know, being a victim hurts the people around you as well because you’re making decisions based on previous experiences in your hurts and your insecurities.

00;23;53;28 – 00;24;19;04

Rob Decker

And that’s going to impact the people around you. And I have two small children, and so I need to lead in a very powerful way so that they can not have to have the same challenges that I had. Right. That they can have their own challenges. I always tell everybody this, that Kayla, my youngest son, so I have a 21 year old son, Christopher, lives out in Tennessee.

00;24;19;04 – 00;24;27;20

Rob Decker

Kayla, my my ceiling in this life is going to be Caleb’s dance floor. So I’m just going to give him.

00;24;27;20 – 00;24;28;01

Jon

All that.

00;24;28;04 – 00;24;31;10

Rob Decker

I can. Wow. And he’s going to take it from there.

00;24;31;19 – 00;24;35;09

Aaron

Hold on a second. See that again? That was a great little quotable there.

00;24;35;09 – 00;24;36;21

Jon

I have it. If you don’t remember.

00;24;36;21 – 00;24;38;01

Aaron

What you do. Well, yeah.

00;24;38;12 – 00;24;40;16

Rob Decker

I mean, you know, go for it, bro.

00;24;40;28 – 00;24;41;08

Jon

Okay.

00;24;41;08 – 00;24;42;05

Rob Decker

I want to hear you say it.

00;24;42;05 – 00;24;56;03

Jon

Well, so. Yeah, but what you just said, I think it’s absolutely spot on is my you’re living life that makes your ceiling the absolute most. You can accomplish the starting place. The dance floor for your son.

00;24;56;04 – 00;25;12;26

Rob Decker

Absolutely. Hands down. No doubt about it. I want to give him a level up in this life in a place that I didn’t get to start in. And that’s what I want for him. And I know I’m you know, he’s going to have to go through his own growing pains and his own struggles. He’s going to have to learn his own way.

00;25;13;09 – 00;25;34;28

Rob Decker

But why give him everything that I was handed, right? Why not give him a better jump at life? And I think that, you know, with a victim mindset, I couldn’t do that for my children. You know, I have a beautiful young baby girl. I couldn’t imagine her dating a guy that I used to be. I want her to date the guy that I am now, you know, way better than me.

00;25;34;28 – 00;25;48;22

Rob Decker

I’m not that cool. But what I’m saying is that, you know, I want him to have strong character and have beliefs and have drive and determination and resilience. Like I want that those characteristics to be attractive.

00;25;48;22 – 00;25;49;10

Jon

To her.

00;25;49;20 – 00;25;50;25

Rob Decker

And I want him to protect.

00;25;50;25 – 00;26;13;26

Aaron

Her. And Rob you. So you mentioned that, that you’re negative like your victim mindset can can have effect on other people. Yes. But you’ve also made the point that the positive, you know, the good discipline choices will also affect you. You’re going to you’re creating a dance floor, as you said. Think of it that way. I mean, what an what a beautiful picture that is.

00;26;13;26 – 00;26;20;26

Aaron

I must succeed because there’s a dance floor that needs to be built and.

00;26;20;26 – 00;26;21;20

Rob Decker

Well, I.

00;26;21;28 – 00;26;25;08

Jon

Do you mind if I share a quick quote and then I want to hear your response to both?

00;26;25;18 – 00;26;26;01

Rob Decker

Okay.

00;26;26;21 – 00;26;27;03

Jon

Are yo.

00;26;27;03 – 00;26;31;15

Rob Decker

Don’t wait till I’m totally cool with it because I just don’t want to lose my thought. But I’m go for it.

00;26;31;20 – 00;26;31;26

Aaron

Stay.

00;26;32;00 – 00;26;40;10

Jon

Is it locked? All right. So dorm Peterson said if there was ever a way to positively change the world starts by changing yourself.

00;26;40;10 – 00;26;58;14

Rob Decker

Absolutely. Absolutely. So I want to break the cycle. Boom. Right. So it’s all about breaking the cycle. So what was handed to me was handed to my parents, was handed to their parents, and I came to a place in my life where it’s like this cycle needs to be broken. It’s a powerful cycle, right? It’s been through generation and generation.

00;26;58;24 – 00;27;09;19

Rob Decker

So it’s going to take a lot of work to break through that so that when it gets passed down to my children, you know, they can advance that, you know, in a positive manner. So, wow. Wow.

00;27;10;09 – 00;27;22;03

Aaron

That’s good, man. I hope you guys got that. That those those the target that we’re trying to hit is is well, there’s way more on the line than our own situation.

00;27;23;17 – 00;27;42;05

Rob Decker

It’s bigger than us, man. Right. You know, I think, too, we live in a day and age where we see all this craziness on TV and, you know, everyone’s going at each other’s throats and there’s all this great division. There’s no love in any of that stuff, man. And so for me, it’s like, Well, how can I know true love and then pass it forward?

00;27;42;05 – 00;28;03;29

Rob Decker

I think that when you’re in this victim cycle, like you don’t know love victims don’t really know love, they don’t love themselves, they don’t love other people. They don’t know how to. Right. And so I’m trying to create that through my experiences and through my faith and and to pass that down right. So that my kids have that strong foundation.

00;28;04;12 – 00;28;12;16

Rob Decker

Love is a pretty powerful foundation, you know, And it will take you very far in this life. Yeah. You know, so, Rob.

00;28;12;16 – 00;28;16;10

Aaron

That’s that’s a that’s a great transition to the next thing. And did you have a.

00;28;16;13 – 00;28;17;15

Jon

I do, I.

00;28;17;15 – 00;28;18;28

Rob Decker

Swear. Jonathan says I love you, bro.

00;28;18;28 – 00;28;20;19

Aaron

Yeah. Let’s talk about just.

00;28;20;28 – 00;28;22;29

Jon

Let’s just keep dwelling. Do you wanna talk.

00;28;22;29 – 00;28;23;19

Aaron

About, like, digging.

00;28;23;19 – 00;28;27;26

Aaron

Again? I love, like, I get stuff out of the room. Good. But seriously, I want.

00;28;27;26 – 00;28;28;22

Rob Decker

To grow squash.

00;28;28;22 – 00;28;52;24

Jon

I just noticed a central theme from all the conversations you recorded so far, and I just want to give it a name now. So as we continue, we can keep pointing to it, right? And that is we’ve talked a lot in every every episode about how we’re rejecting the victim mentality, right? In different words, how we are building character, how we’re building strength, grit.

00;28;52;25 – 00;29;16;05

Jon

The grit theory is focused on stories of resilience and how that creates value. Right? The other central theme to that, though, and I think this is really important to identify, is when you choose to begin becoming resilient and paying or paying for it. All the work in the process that takes to become that, it immediately becomes infinitely unselfish and serving to those closest.

00;29;16;05 – 00;29;41;15

Jon

Yes, Right. And it is an act of service, right? It is very much so. A personal act in self-serving, but it is even more powerfully going to affect everyone. You come into contact with the the most strongly those who are under your own roof and then just orders of magnitude as as you get further from that. But that is so central to this.

00;29;41;15 – 00;29;57;21

Jon

And I think it’s I think it’s one of the more awesome things about this. We’re not sitting here talking about, you know, building our our glutes inner abs for self-gratification. We’re talking about something that is giving our children something, giving our friend something.

00;29;57;25 – 00;30;21;26

Rob Decker

Well, you know, the thing about the fitness element of it, I mean, there’s lessons to be learned in fitness. Like, you know, we had to work hard to get a particular physique right. We had to get hurt. We had a we had to dial in our nutrition. We had to try different brands of training. Ultimately, we just had to not give up, like we had to be consistent and we had to keep grinding and we had to keep going.

00;30;22;08 – 00;30;33;23

Rob Decker

And I think that applies to life. I mean, this is bigger than glutes naps and I mean, fitness is just another metaphor for life, right? And the things that we try to approach in life.

00;30;34;00 – 00;30;59;15

Aaron

Let’s get into that with with what you do, what you do now. So you’ve got you’ve taken all this experience and like many who have found benefit in something passion comes and once you get to that place of infinite passion, then you get a fire in your belly. You can’t help but to share it, right? And so you have chosen a tool, a vehicle by which you can share that.

00;30;59;15 – 00;31;01;14

Aaron

So what have you tell us about that?

00;31;02;03 – 00;31;23;16

Rob Decker

My purpose? Yeah, I like to do your. What’s your purpose around that purpose? My purpose is to give back and I use fitness as a vehicle to do so. So, you know, I’m the owner of Kingdom Fair. I run that currently. I run it out of my home. It allows me to to raise my children, be home. You know, my my dad, he worked hard.

00;31;23;16 – 00;31;43;05

Rob Decker

He provided for us, but he was never home. So he was there. But he wasn’t there. And I think that was part of my issue is the yearning to have my father close. But he wasn’t close. Right. And so I can provide that to my children by running my business out of my my home kingdom. Fit to me is so much deeper.

00;31;43;05 – 00;32;04;17

Rob Decker

It’s so much greater than fitness. This is mentorship. This is friendship. This is healing. This is love, man. And and it gives me an opportunity to spend one on one time with people so that we can create transformation, real transformation. I mean, if you want to come, just have nice biceps, cool. But, you know, there’s so much more than that.

00;32;04;23 – 00;32;31;17

Rob Decker

And I want more than that for you as well. And so, you know, I’ve created that that platform. And within that platform, we’ve also created a scholarship program. And so I have a scholarship program called the Mark Scholarship. You know, my clients and, you know, I’ve been on podcasts and TV and radio and all sorts of stuff. And so we get a lot of donors that donate money into into my my organization.

00;32;31;24 – 00;32;50;08

Rob Decker

And I use that money to help individuals that are struggling with mental help or financially to be able to come and train with me so that they don’t have to worry about paying for it. And I’ve you know, I’ve got to train some people that are were in some pretty dark, dark places.

00;32;50;08 – 00;33;02;13

Aaron

And you’ve went down that road first. Rob That’s that’s what’s pretty incredible is that you’re not you’re not living in theory that this might work if you’ve gone through it and actually experienced.

00;33;02;14 – 00;33;03;27

Rob Decker

Great. That’s not a theory for me.

00;33;03;27 – 00;33;06;12

Aaron

It’s reality. It’s a reality. Yeah. Yeah.

00;33;06;14 – 00;33;26;08

Aaron

It points to what what can happen as these beautiful results. And we should mention, we didn’t mention that you are not paralyzed to the today, right? You went on a journey and you, you bucked the doctors. You decided, hey, I’m going to, I’m going to prove you wrong. I have to. I have to get through this.

00;33;26;08 – 00;33;47;16

Rob Decker

So now I have to share share that story. So I’m very good friends with my second neurosurgeon. He did the last couple of surgeries on my back and we talked a few months ago and I was like, okay, Jason, what’s the reality of the long term effects of all this hardware on my my body? You know, I don’t have a normal spine.

00;33;47;16 – 00;34;07;12

Rob Decker

I have all these rods, 13 screws, two cages. I got all sorts of crazy stuff in my body, right? And he goes, you know, honestly, Rob, out of all the back surgeries I’ve ever done, I can count on one hand how many people just have functional lives. That means you get to get up, you get to go out, you can go at your lawn, go grocery shopping, have a job, right?

00;34;07;26 – 00;34;29;13

Rob Decker

He said. But you’ve taken it to a whole different level. You’ve done absolutely everything, right? Because he follows me on social media. So he sees like, you know, I’m eating well, I’m taking care of my body spiritually. Sound like you’re doing everything that you can possibly can. But here’s the reality. Anyone can achieve that. You know, again, there’s nothing special about what I’ve done.

00;34;29;25 – 00;34;31;14

Rob Decker

It’s just that I put in the work.

00;34;31;19 – 00;34;32;17

Jon

You made the choice.

00;34;32;19 – 00;34;33;01

Rob Decker

Yeah.

00;34;33;12 – 00;35;00;08

Jon

You chose to make a plan to. You chose to make a plan to shape your destiny and the outcome, Right? You and your situation. You did have control over what happened to you, right? Would you? You had to come to grips with. And I think that’s that. Right. But then you also chose what you’re going to do with the repercussions of that first choice.

00;35;00;15 – 00;35;18;18

Jon

Right? You know, like if someone gets cancer out of their control or someone gets hurt out of their control, they need to have the freedom to make the choice of what their outcome is going to be. But there there’s almost a step further, I think playing with the idea right now of what this was an outside of your control, right?

00;35;18;23 – 00;35;48;06

Jon

You jumped him and then you once again made the decision in a positive way that, hey, I’m paying the price for this lifestyle, these things, the lack of care, all this stuff. But now I’m going to begin making the choices to build what I want. I’m going to put in the work in my diet and my exercise in how I sharpen my mind, in the relationships I put in my life to create what I want in this life.

00;35;48;06 – 00;36;07;06

Jon

And I’m not going to allow three foot walls of you’ll never I call this a three foot wall that you’re never going to walk again. I don’t think that’s a three foot wall. That’s a bigger one. But you didn’t allow this, like, broken sentence on you, but you’ll probably never walking. I don’t. Did you? Even except when you heard that, did you even accept or reject?

00;36;07;10 – 00;36;07;25

Jon

I’m going to walk.

00;36;08;21 – 00;36;39;17

Rob Decker

All right. Another good story. Okay. We can do this all day. Boy, so crazy story. I mean, not so while I was laying in the hospital bed, I, you know, and at this point, I had just developed a relationship with God, Right? And I was laying in bed, all broken, beaten, facing rape and murder charges, hospital bills going to prison like my back was against the wall.

00;36;39;17 – 00;37;12;27

Rob Decker

I mean, was broken. It was against the wall as well. And take it however you want, receive it however you want in the midst of morphine and Dilaudid and pain and no sleep, I hear this small still voice say the charges will be dropped, your bills will be paid and you will walk again, huh? And a couple days go by and the police officer.

00;37;12;27 – 00;37;41;07

Rob Decker

So when I was. When I got arrested in the hospital, they shackled me to the bed. I had 24 hour surveillance and after that incident of of hearing the voice a couple of days later, a couple of days go by and a police officer looks at me, he’s like, Hey, Rob, I’m Mr. Decker. I just want let you know they’re going to drop the charges.

00;37;41;07 – 00;38;03;29

Rob Decker

And he can be kidding me, Right? And so they come in, they release me. They’re like, Hey, Mr. Decker, we want the best for you. You know, take care of yourself, get better, call. I still couldn’t even sit up in my bed at all. It just wasn’t happening. I couldn’t. I needed help getting just adjusted to be comfortable enough to be okay for 15 minutes.

00;38;04;16 – 00;38;09;17

Rob Decker

That’s how much pain I was in, no matter how medicated I was.

00;38;09;17 – 00;38;15;15

Aaron

Because you couldn’t even have the conversation in your head yet about where you’re going to go. No, you’re just weak. Yeah. Cocaine and.

00;38;15;16 – 00;38;16;11

Jon

Surviving all.

00;38;16;11 – 00;38;40;15

Rob Decker

Over the place and and and so my mom was my first visitor after I got released because, you know, you’re under arrest. You don’t get visitors right? My mom was the first visitor, and she walks in the room and she’s ball in her eyes out. And I know, I know what she’s thinking. Doctor just told her. I saw her in the hallway, the doctor, and he just said, You know, your son’s never going to walk in.

00;38;40;19 – 00;38;52;06

Rob Decker

Probably not going to walk again. And so, you know, I just reassured her. I was like, Yo, mom, it’s going to happen. And the nurses come in and they’re like, Yo, we’re going to try to yo, yeah, because we’re on the East Coast, We’re in New York, Manhattan.

00;38;52;19 – 00;38;54;17

Aaron

Yo, yo. But a.

00;38;54;18 – 00;38;56;04

Rob Decker

Rapper’s coming in and trying to get me to.

00;38;56;04 – 00;38;59;01

Aaron

Walk, but there’s a.

00;38;59;18 – 00;39;19;18

Rob Decker

Nurse walks in and she’s like, Well, we’re going to try to get you to to walk today. And I knew for a fact it just wasn’t going to happen. And so her and another nurse went to lift me up and I just I squealed. I just it just wasn’t happening. They laid me back down and left the room and I neurosurgeon comes in and says, hey, we’re going to perform another surgery.

00;39;19;19 – 00;39;28;07

Rob Decker

We’re going to try to get you to walk. They perform their second surgery. And then I was able to walk again. I wouldn’t even really call it walking.

00;39;28;16 – 00;39;30;08

Aaron

And I was able.

00;39;30;08 – 00;39;55;18

Rob Decker

To drag my left leg while so my right leg could walk normally, my right. So I landed on the left side of my body. That’s where I landed. And so all the damage and even to this day there’s some nerve damage. But but I was able to drag. And so I found hoping that I found hope and that I was going to be able to do all the things because the moment I got up moving, my first thought was like, you know, I’m going to run, jump, fly.

00;39;55;25 – 00;40;06;25

Rob Decker

Like, I’m going to do all this fun stuff again, you know? And so I think it was really planted in me early on that I wasn’t going to like this. I wasn’t going to let this win.

00;40;06;25 – 00;40;16;08

Aaron

But it sounds like even had voices around you, you you had the divine voice, you had the nurses, they had neurosurgeons. You know, some there’s there’s certainly people that says encouragement.

00;40;16;08 – 00;40;18;19

Rob Decker

It was encouragement. Yeah. I think it.

00;40;18;19 – 00;40;19;28

Aaron

Really yeah, it it.

00;40;20;04 – 00;40;21;21

Rob Decker

Really had to come down to me though.

00;40;22;08 – 00;40;22;15

Aaron

Yes.

00;40;22;17 – 00;40;45;24

Rob Decker

There’s really see me. Yeah. They had to come to me because here’s the reality, you know, especially because I was on these I was on like five different pain medications. I mean, you know, it’s easy and I had this conversation with Jason, the neurosurgeon. You know, he goes, you know, how many people opt for just eating the pain medication, sitting around their house and collecting disability check?

00;40;46;09 – 00;41;07;29

Rob Decker

I knew at some point I had to get off a disability. I knew at some point that that pain medication was a a V.A. tool to help me rehabilitate until I got strong enough to get off of it. Right? Yeah, I had to get strong enough mentally, physically, spiritually, to get off of all that pain medication and move forward.

00;41;07;29 – 00;41;28;09

Rob Decker

And I and I used it for what it was intended for. I didn’t use it as a crutch. Like, I can’t stay on this stuff. And the reality is, as many people opt for that as the easy path, right by past the path of least resistance, right? There’s no resilience and popping pills and sitting on your couch and watching Maury.

00;41;28;13 – 00;41;42;08

Jon

While I’m grateful this does happen because you you I don’t recall what you just said, but you said something was like, it’s great that you had these voices of encouragement and I saw the fire light in your face. Rob. You’re like, Yeah, that’s all good and well and cute.

00;41;42;26 – 00;41;43;27

Aaron

You know?

00;41;43;27 – 00;42;03;12

Jon

It was my choice. And you had just said, like, I had to choose that this would not be my thing. That’s right. I would so walk. And that comes back to the resilience, to the grit, to all these things. It’s it doesn’t matter what it ultimately comes down to you, to the one person it does. The buck stops with the.

00;42;03;15 – 00;42;03;25

Aaron

Bullet.

00;42;03;26 – 00;42;20;07

Aaron

No more than a crutch. Makes you walk. Yeah. You know, it’s like the encouragement is nice to have. It supports you a little bit, but it’s just like you said, there are some things that are meant to be Band-Aids, right? This is a temporary thing. But ultimately, I have to get I have to do the work of healing and getting better.

00;42;20;07 – 00;42;21;12

Aaron

How long was that process?

00;42;22;05 – 00;42;45;02

Rob Decker

That was a four year process. And to really getting for you? Yeah, because I was still so I was still struggling with the alcohol for the first four years. I was using the alcohol as a form of medication. There is still certain areas. So as I was addressing some stuff, there were certain areas I still wasn’t addressing, but I knew eventually at some point I had to get off the alcohol too, because I knew that alcohol was a medication for me.

00;42;45;02 – 00;43;05;22

Rob Decker

I knew drugs was a medication for me. I mean, you know, talk about addiction and stuff like I’ve been there and I did it. You know, when I accepted that, I was just trying to drown something inside of me that I wasn’t trying to deal with, something I didn’t know how to deal with, something I just didn’t know how to cope, like until I could look that bull, like grab the bull by the horns and say, You know what?

00;43;05;22 – 00;43;21;16

Rob Decker

I’m just not going to deal with this B.S. anymore. Like, that’s when you could start shaking that other stuff. I think that a lot of the addiction stuff just comes from the unwillingness to address a situation at hand and be like, you know what? I just need to take this and I need to own it and I got to move on with it.

00;43;21;16 – 00;43;35;13

Rob Decker

And so I was able to eventually move on from. So I’ve been sober eight years now. So it was 13 years ago that I broke my back in about eight a little bit more than eight years I’ve been sober now.

00;43;35;21 – 00;43;47;23

Aaron

But that’s incredible. That was a it wasn’t a quick couple of things I see in that it wasn’t a quick thing. This isn’t like, no, you made a decision to walk and and it fits inside of a 90 minute movie, you know.

00;43;48;09 – 00;43;49;14

Aaron

Was a process.

00;43;49;14 – 00;43;51;04

Aaron

It was definitely the wrong thing. Right.

00;43;51;19 – 00;44;10;23

Rob Decker

Here’s the thing. Like, the trauma was so deep. There was so much brokenness. There was so many shattered pieces. Yeah. I put together or, you know, what I could until it was time to make the next move. Yeah, right. And so some of my longest stuff. So, you know, alcohol was the medication since I was 14 years old.

00;44;10;23 – 00;44;29;20

Rob Decker

I mean, the first time I got introduced to it, I was like, Wow, I don’t have to feel anymore. That’s cool. Yeah, right. And so I knew that was kind of a go to for a long time. And I think a lot of people don’t comprehend or they don’t fully embrace that medicating is exactly what you’re doing.

00;44;29;26 – 00;44;32;28

Aaron

Yeah, there’s a weakness there. You’re not addressing it.

00;44;33;00 – 00;44;57;02

Jon

I do think there are two sides to that, John. I think that people do have different relationships with say, drink. My relationship with drink is more similar to what you’re saying and I have to be very careful of that. Yeah, I do think that there are some who I mean, because experiences differ, right? So I think that some would not be able to relate to that genuinely because that’s not been their experience and that is truthful.

00;44;57;08 – 00;45;07;24

Jon

But I think that what I would agree with is that there’s a lot of people who would think they’re in that category just described, but that’s self-deception. I think it’s a lot smaller than the group self prescribed.

00;45;07;24 – 00;45;22;03

Rob Decker

But I think that the the group of people that can actually do that stuff recreationally is very small. I think it’s very, very small. But I will say this. It may not be the alcohol, but it’s going to be something else.

00;45;22;07 – 00;45;24;21

Jon

There’s always some form of escape. Right? Right.

00;45;24;27 – 00;45;44;15

Aaron

It’s like to me, you’re we’re in like to use the gym analogy is skipping like day. It’s like it’s a get it off even just an addiction there. There’s so many muscles like when you were coming in recovery, you weren’t dealing with everything at once. You had to deal with it one at a time. You know, there were certain muscles in your leg.

00;45;44;15 – 00;45;54;12

Aaron

It was one thing at a time. Then there were emotional things you to deal with one thing at a time. You were consistently doing it every day. You were working on something to get better.

00;45;54;19 – 00;46;07;23

Rob Decker

Well, you know, and even in that process, like there’s days where it felt like you were taking two steps forward and four steps, Right. You know, the next day, that’s real. This is. But that’s the reality of of growth.

00;46;08;08 – 00;46;31;24

Jon

Well, I think there’s encouragement in. Right. Yeah. This isn’t you didn’t get up and walk after your surgery you barely hobbled and drug a leg with help. It was four years of growth and you’re still training to overcome the residual effects of those injuries Like, Absolutely. I think that’s not discouraging. I personally find encouragement that because it’s like, okay, I don’t need to be to climb Everest right this second, right?

00;46;31;24 – 00;46;41;20

Jon

Like I’m going to take on everything I can barely bare up under. Yeah. And grow stronger in it so that tomorrow I can pick up just a little bit more. Yeah, right.

00;46;41;21 – 00;46;43;17

Aaron

And everything’s a lot of, a lot.

00;46;43;17 – 00;47;18;20

Rob Decker

Of lessons. So, you know, I appreciate the fact that it took me so long because I think that there was a lot that had to take place and a lot that needed to be learned and understood. And that takes time, right? You know, I if I had not got injured or in that injury, I healed really quickly or the severity wasn’t as bad, would I still have grown to the person that I am today?

00;47;18;20 – 00;47;25;16

Rob Decker

So hindsight is 2020, I can say, yeah, four years. That’s a degree somewhere, right?

00;47;25;16 – 00;47;26;11

Aaron

Yeah, my.

00;47;26;11 – 00;47;43;12

Rob Decker

Degree just came somewhere else. Yeah, right. But there was so much to be learned and appreciated and gained in that process. Absolutely. And I would never take it back. I mean, I think one of the questions people ask me like, what are you telling your story? They’re like, Oh my God, that happened. I’m so sorry. Like, oh, I’m not I’m really not sorry.

00;47;43;19 – 00;48;05;27

Rob Decker

I’m not sorry at all because I wouldn’t be here today. The man that I am today. If it wasn’t for those personal experiences, I wouldn’t be able to help the people that I’m able to help on the level that I get to help them. If I didn’t experience those things for myself and have the patient and understanding and empathy for those people that you know that it may take some time to get where they need to go.

00;48;06;11 – 00;48;21;29

Rob Decker

You know, I think in our culture it’s all about the quick fix and, you know, wanting to get there so, you know, so quickly. Right. And there’s nothing to be gained in getting what you want right away.

00;48;22;14 – 00;48;33;03

Jon

Nothing in on journey and on that something that just like screamed at me the quick fix thing. Oh, I’m sorry you went through that. That is a quick fix in that conversation. Right?

00;48;33;03 – 00;48;34;10

Aaron

Right. Yeah. Right, right.

00;48;34;11 – 00;48;49;28

Jon

I’m so sorry you went through. That Conversation’s over. Like, okay, well, what are we going to talk about? This is not a place for that. This is a place where we’re intentionally pursuing these conversations, not to give an apology, but to be like, okay, how did you deal with the ramifications of that choice you made and how did it shape you?

00;48;50;00 – 00;49;02;02

Jon

Yeah, right, Right. I think that’s one of the things that I personally love about this environment. Right? It’s like, Oh, how cool I get to hear this crazy story from you in You’re expecting me to dig in to you on it?

00;49;02;05 – 00;49;07;17

Aaron

Yeah, absolutely. Sweet. Well, here’s a deal that my man I’m grateful for.

00;49;07;23 – 00;49;12;19

Rob Decker

First of all, thank you guys for allowing me to be like your first guy on this show.

00;49;12;29 – 00;49;14;20

Aaron

Like the first lady for breaking the seal.

00;49;14;20 – 00;49;29;09

Rob Decker

This one? Yeah You know, I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to talk on a lot of platforms and stuff. And so I’m very grateful for that, you know, And a lot of times within those platforms, they just let me tell my story and I.

00;49;29;20 – 00;49;32;15

Aaron

Want to tell my story. But I’ve heard.

00;49;32;15 – 00;49;58;08

Rob Decker

Myself talk too much. But I can deeply appreciate people that are willing to dig a little bit deeper or get me to think about something a little bit different. I think even early on when we started this conversation, like, Dude, thanks for calling that bro, because that’s not something I normally think about and that’s not something that I normally talk about and that’s refreshing for me and it gives me more thoughts and ideas on how to deal with certain situations.

00;49;58;08 – 00;50;08;18

Rob Decker

Like, Man, thanks for bringing that back, you know, and right now I’m currently writing a book. And so, you know, you just sparked some more stuff that I’m like that needs to be down on paper. Right. That needs that’s chapter nine.

00;50;08;21 – 00;50;10;15

Aaron

Right? Right. And I appreciate.

00;50;10;15 – 00;50;11;00

Rob Decker

That, man.

00;50;11;05 – 00;50;13;05

Jon

Thankfully, it’s being recorded. So if you need a reference.

00;50;14;20 – 00;50;20;21

Aaron

Just listen to it again. Just listen. Five, six, 50 times, right. Makes you posted on social.

00;50;20;21 – 00;50;23;04

Rob Decker

Media and talk about how you had such a great time with us.

00;50;23;04 – 00;50;49;13

Jon

Yeah. And if you have any advertising channels, feel free to use that. But all joking aside, like that is what we did. Like Ernie joked, Yeah, all the time. Probably in one of these episodes too, about we’re doing this selfishly, but selflessly. Yeah, we’re doing this because we want have the conversations with each other. We want to have 3 million conversations like this, but we want to share that and create a culture of encouragement that strengthens people, right?

00;50;49;13 – 00;51;15;18

Jon

Especially in this disenchanted, isolated weirdness that we’re experiencing right now. And I’ll leave it at that. This is like a a beckoning call to say, Hey, we’re still together, hey, we’re still human. Hey, we have choice in authority here on how we’re going to lead this crazy thing we call life. And with every conversation, it seems that it grows just a wee bit stronger.

00;51;15;18 – 00;51;17;16

Jon

And I say, I’ve read like there’s been 50. There’s been three.

00;51;18;06 – 00;51;19;05

Aaron

Well, we have a special.

00;51;19;05 – 00;51;27;07

Jon

Episode coming out next week and recorded yesterday, but it’s getting stronger in like this relationship that’s happening here. You know, it’s cool.

00;51;27;24 – 00;51;29;00

Aaron

We’ve had this, you know.

00;51;29;05 – 00;51;42;27

Aaron

Yeah, we’ve had these conversations of 50 times before this with other friends and garage like we have personally benefited from these types of crimes. I’ve had these conversations with you prior to now and we need to capture that and hear that and be inspired by that.

00;51;43;15 – 00;52;05;23

Rob Decker

Yeah, and I appreciate that. And I mean, you’ve always talked about how inspiring my stories and stuff like that. And I think that we my personal belief is that we live in a day and age where men are afraid to speak up and be transparent. And and I just want to take advantage of those opportunities to do stuff like that, you know, like, yo, bro, it’s cool to talk about, hey, you got molested as a kid.

00;52;06;08 – 00;52;20;08

Rob Decker

Talk about it, man, because we know that affects your marriage right now and the intimacy in that marriage. Right. Let’s talk about that story. Alcohol. Yeah, let’s let’s talk about those things that you’re trying to shove back and compartmentalize. Like, let’s talk like and.

00;52;20;08 – 00;52;20;27

Jon

Hide from.

00;52;21;07 – 00;52;40;19

Rob Decker

That. But here’s the thing. Breakthrough that stuff. Yeah, build from it and go help somebody else go through their junk. Come on. Right. Especially right now that especially when everybody’s hiding right now. So how about you break the mold? Yes, right. And then you go out and you go be a game changer or we’re maker.

00;52;40;21 – 00;52;41;13

Jon

Way maker.

00;52;41;13 – 00;52;42;15

Aaron

Yeah, right. Yeah.

00;52;42;16 – 00;53;00;23

Rob Decker

Like I think that’s our responsibility. And our calling is as men in this world, is to go out there and lead by example and be the change. I’m not expecting positive actions or my government or my laws to be the change to make it. Now, I expect it from me and I expect it from the men around me.

00;53;00;23 – 00;53;05;09

Aaron

Rob That’s so good, man. As we as we wrap here, I wanted to just going.

00;53;05;09 – 00;53;06;01

Rob Decker

To start rapping.

00;53;06;02 – 00;53;06;29

Aaron

I remember. Yeah, I’m going to.

00;53;07;08 – 00;53;08;28

Aaron

Wow, this is a well, lyrical.

00;53;08;28 – 00;53;10;25

Jon

Word is something we’ve been working on. Oh.

00;53;12;17 – 00;53;14;00

Aaron

So allow me to start.

00;53;14;00 – 00;53;14;25

Jon

Dropping a man.

00;53;15;14 – 00;53;21;04

Aaron

Who are just here doing this now, right? Yeah. That’s like, Please don’t write it.

00;53;21;09 – 00;53;21;23

Jon

Down, Aaron.

00;53;21;26 – 00;53;23;25

Rob Decker

But three white guys with a microphone.

00;53;24;19 – 00;53;26;20

Aaron

Oh, yeah. So they.

00;53;26;20 – 00;53;27;16

Rob Decker

Think they’re the Beastie.

00;53;27;16 – 00;53;27;26

Aaron

Boys.

00;53;28;14 – 00;53;30;00

Jon

It’s about to go terribly wrong.

00;53;30;29 – 00;53;33;08

Aaron

Turn the podcast. Yeah.

00;53;34;02 – 00;53;51;02

Aaron

There’s a, there’s a book as I read called The Go Giver. I highly recommend it’s easy read and it’s one of the things they talk about are the stages of by which you can your life can impact other people and they it’s one of the things that was just kind of thrown in there is this survive, save, give.

00;53;51;02 – 00;54;14;11

Aaron

And this is like a financial place, but that’s really how we are even with our talents and who we are is that sometimes we’re in survival mode. Our bass backs broke and no one’s expecting greatness from you because you are busted and broken, right? But you can’t stay there, as you said. You know, just to encapsulate all this is that at some point you have to realize this is a temporary situation by which I am surviving, and then I have to get to the place where I’m saving up.

00;54;14;11 – 00;54;35;00

Aaron

I’m storing up this energy, I’m helium getting I’m getting stronger. I’m also learning new concepts and things I’m dealing with, stuff that I don’t want to deal with. This is this. And it stinks, right? But you’re also learning something that you’re about ready to give away. And that’s the last kind of pieces is that I have to learn these lessons.

00;54;35;00 – 00;54;59;10

Aaron

I have to take that hill. I have to build my back up because my me succeeding in this will affect other people. And you, you and I, what I really appreciate about what you’re doing is that you haven’t just healed up and then gone away to live own life and take care of you, right? You healed up so that now you can take that same message.

00;54;59;10 – 00;55;06;21

Aaron

Use a tool which is fitness, by which you can train the mind on how to overcome difficulty.

00;55;06;21 – 00;55;08;13

Aaron

Well, yeah. John Oh, go ahead.

00;55;08;13 – 00;55;23;13

Jon

John Yeah, it’s it’s all part of the evolution, starting with the choice to take ownership. Yeah, that’s what I keep hearing. You bring the conversation back to Rob is like, Yeah, that’s true. But it started with my choice and then my capability grows as it continued daily to re make that choice.

00;55;23;13 – 00;55;25;14

Aaron

Yeah, it’s not done. You’re still, you’re in.

00;55;25;14 – 00;55;49;08

Rob Decker

It for the whole like, the whole survival method is that that victim mindset. Right. And you know, it gets to a place, it’s got to be bigger than survival. Right? And so because I spent so much life in survival mode and I took so much from other people, yeah, I hurt so many people. I took so much from this life.

00;55;49;08 – 00;56;08;08

Rob Decker

Well, it’s like my only option at this point is to give back. Like how do I give back to a world that I took from so much? Right? And I know that I was only doing it in my narrow mindedness of victimhood and survival survivalism. Is that a word? Can debate that right now. Cool. Let’s use it. Yeah, we’re using survivalism, so.

00;56;08;13 – 00;56;10;07

Aaron

Yeah, but.

00;56;10;07 – 00;56;28;00

Rob Decker

Yeah, but now it’s okay. Well, now it’s to give back from what I took from. So, you know, I hope that everyone in their recovery gets to that place. You know, when you’re able to heal and move forward, it’s like I think it’s our responsibility to. To give that away. Yeah. You know, it’s it’s a gift. It’s to be given away.

00;56;28;02 – 00;56;44;01

Rob Decker

What what’s been given to me, what’s been poured into me is a gift I’m not saying I’m a one man show and then I’m frickin awesome for doing all this stuff. You know, there’s something much greater that lives inside of me, that push for that stuff. And and with that, I need to give that to other people. Absolutely.

00;56;44;06 – 00;56;45;07

Aaron

Rob, Thank you.

00;56;45;07 – 00;57;00;10

Jon

So I feel like that’s the perfect point of finality to end this on. Yeah, let’s just give a shout out and where we can learn, where people can learn more about you. Hear your story, find your what you’re doing right and support as they feel please. So, Aaron, well, we.

00;57;00;10 – 00;57;00;25

Rob Decker

Have we have.

00;57;01;29 – 00;57;02;13

Aaron

We have.

00;57;02;21 – 00;57;26;07

Aaron

We have fraught around the rabbit hole, but we haven’t learned everything there is. Rob And I would love for you guys to get to know Rob Dekker through Rob Dekker Speak scam. You can learn more about what he’s doing and keep up to date on on his journey. Also, you are running Kingdom Fit which is a fantastic vessel by which you are training these ideas as well as getting people physically strong.

00;57;26;13 – 00;57;26;27

Rob Decker

And.

00;57;26;27 – 00;57;27;18

Aaron

Mentally strong.

00;57;27;18 – 00;57;52;07

Rob Decker

So and absolutely so I also work for a psychotherapist as a pure substance abuse coach. I’m a recovery coach. And so if anyone’s listening and they’re serious about their recovery, I co facilitate a free class that takes place on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3 to 5 p.m.. And we do things like miniature golf, bowling, a bowling go carting.

00;57;52;17 – 00;58;22;20

Rob Decker

But we have simple applications that we do in class that will help people in their recovery because a lot of us, you know, are just shuffled in, you know? And so if you just reach out to life stance psychotherapy in Colorado Springs, it used to be viewpoint psychotherapy. They just switched names or got bought out. But but if someone is serious about their recovery and wants to hang out with me a couple hours a week, please take advantage of that.

00;58;22;27 – 00;58;36;06

Aaron

Rob Just another example how you don’t let people skip leg day so there’s some weaknesses you want to address if you’re trying to get through the journey and not quit, I would encourage you to reach out to Rob Decker. Thank you for being here today and what a great conversation that was.

00;58;36;06 – 00;58;36;24

Rob Decker

Thanks, guys.

00;58;36;27 – 00;58;44;11

Jon

Yeah, thank you. And will make sure that all these contact links are in the summary for today’s episode. So, Rob, thanks for coming in, everyone. Thank you for listening.

00;58;44;11 – 00;58;47;21

Rob Decker

Huh? We’re going to go do burpees, guys. I’m out.

00;58;48;28 – 00;58;49;20

Aaron

In his suit.

00;58;49;20 – 00;58;50;13

Jon

In the snow.

00;58;50;26 – 00;58;52;28

Aaron

Sounds good with a weight vest. All right.

00;58;53;08 – 00;58;54;13

Jon

Take care of one. All right.

00;58;54;14 – 00;58;56;16

Rob Decker

Guys.

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