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016. TGT: Question Comfort _ Redefine Your Limitations

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016. TGT: Question Comfort _ Redefine Your Limitations Be Relentless

Episode 16 from The Grit Theory. Today we discuss the danger of overvaluing the trappings of comfort and we juxtapose comfort versus three areas of life worth challenging and questioning. Those areas of focus are:1. Comfort versus Reward2. Comfort versus self Identity3. Comfort versus Relationships Highlights from the conversation include: – The silver spoon won't be your friend.- It gets easier to do hard things as you go. – How do we define what is valuable? – How you do one thing, is how you will do everything. If you found value in the show please SHARE IT with someone you care about as well as SUBSCRIBE and RATE IT with a 5-Star Review! Ready to dive deeper? Visit ULAUniverse.com to explore more of the impactful work we're doing. Don't forget to use code 'BERELENTLESS' at checkout to enjoy a 10% discount sitewide!Do you have a question for us, want to be on the show, or have a recommendation for a guest or topic? CONTACT US HERE.We are grateful you joined us! Be Relentless is a Forge Publications LLC production and is proudly co-branded with the Universal Learning Approach. Copyright 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Episode 16 from The Grit Theory.

Today we discuss the danger of overvaluing the trappings of comfort and we juxtapose comfort versus three areas of life worth challenging and questioning. Those areas of focus are:

1. Comfort versus Reward
2. Comfort versus self Identity
3. Comfort versus Relationships

Highlights from the conversation include:

– The silver spoon won’t be your friend.
– It gets easier to do hard things as you go.
– How do we define what is valuable?
– How you do one thing, is how you will do everything.

Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT! 

Also, check out Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be waymakers HERE.

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The Book: Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be WayMakers.

The Podcast: “Be Relentless Podcast”

The Fuel: Sisu Stamina, Performance Evolved

Linktree: Here.


Episode Transcript

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;06;09

Aaron

Okay, John. This morning we are talking about question, comfort and redefining limitation.

00;00;07;17 – 00;00;31;04

Jon

And the way I think we explore that is by looking at the types of comforts to question in the pursuit of a more vibrant life. Right. So as we define that, it’s going to be one questioning comfort versus reward and what we value. What’s more important? The second type is comfort versus self-identity. Really challenging. Who we want to become versus who we are.

00;00;31;19 – 00;00;36;04

Jon

And the third is comfort in relationships. Are we showing up for we can do what we need to do.

00;00;37;12 – 00;00;59;05

Aaron

Why is it that I want to be comfortable all the time? Why is it that I’m fighting this all the time of how to get to a place that I really enjoy? Is that pushing past limits that I know that that limit is purchased with discomfort?

00;01;00;03 – 00;01;14;04

Jon

Yeah, well. Well, it comes at a price range. It’s funny, I woke up this morning for this, and I said, I’ll get a sleep tonight. In that moment, I was like, That’s good enough. And I say that every morning.

00;01;16;21 – 00;01;27;07

Jon

But then once we’re here talking, it’s like, Thank God I was awake. What? You know what I miss about sleeping right now? Yeah. Having said this.

00;01;27;08 – 00;01;52;15

Aaron

We had the best conversation this morning. We did. It was. It was like to me, it was every bit worth the price of admission because I got my name, and I got up this morning at 430 to get ready to come to our have our 5:00. And we we don’t normally do that twice in a week, but that’s kind of how that summer we have busy schedules and that’s why I had to do that.

00;01;52;20 – 00;02;09;21

Aaron

I thought to myself, two in week two and we really have to do this again, you know, that’s all. Because it’s already hard enough to do once, then twice, and then you get here. I’m like, This better be good now. Yeah, that was in my head. But, you know, there’s there’s a part in you go. Like, why I was.

00;02;09;25 – 00;02;35;29

Jon

Trying do like. Yeah, it’s fair to say that was part of the. Yeah. Yeah. And on one hand it’s like every day. It’s not like that’s just on me. On the other hand, it’s like when you better maximize your price. Agreed. You know, we’re both tired. We’re both thinking about how we could be doing something easier. Yeah, but we can make this something where it’s like, Thank God we did that, you know?

00;02;35;29 – 00;02;36;11

Jon

And that’s the.

00;02;36;11 – 00;02;51;22

Aaron

Goal. It is. I think because it’s uncomfortable. It almost like, makes you want to show up. Yeah. Because it’s like, this really sucks. I’m doing this. I am certainly not going to sit around and do nothing that I could be sleeping, so I’d better be. That’d be worth it.

00;02;52;12 – 00;03;13;14

Jon

I’m thinking about the example when you’re buying something versus owning something the way you treat it, like if you’re renting. Unfortunately, I think most people don’t care for it with the same level of fidelity that they do near once they got it. Right. Right. If you own a house, all the sense like don’t walk on the line or whatever that thing is, you know, take your shoes off.

00;03;13;14 – 00;03;29;05

Jon

It’s like you’ve never had that yet. But I bought this house, you know? Yeah. I have a friend who had a really little car, her longtime, and they just bought a new one. And they’re friends in the car. And they were like, they had some food and they’re going to start eating it. And she yelled at them. She’s like, What are you doing?

00;03;29;07 – 00;03;46;06

Jon

And eating? It’s like, you’re not eating in this car. That was never from before. I was like, as before this car. That’s right. In your car? Yeah. You’re not eating it. It’s kind of that same thing, right? Like when you have something that costs you a lot, you value it more. Everything. You maximize what you can get out of it.

00;03;46;16 – 00;04;07;23

Aaron

I like to get people out of it because in my line of work, I’m moving people for running Tony all the time. And I will tell the guy especially that this will change you because and like, what do you need? So when you own something, it changes everything. I mean, you will you’re going to do stuff on a Saturday that you never thought.

00;04;07;23 – 00;04;14;21

Aaron

Like when you’re running. It’s it’s all about how to be comfortable when you own it. It’s all about what can we do to.

00;04;14;21 – 00;04;39;29

Jon

Make this better and do it yourself. Yeah, that’s the joy, right? But there are times and I’m just thinking sort of like, okay, question, comfort, redefine limitation. Why, why, why? Question Being comfortable Because being comfortable is limiting you right now. And when you start questioning your comfort, I think it gives me at least the courage to question my character.

00;04;40;14 – 00;05;05;24

Jon

Yes. Because if I’m questioning why do I want to sleep in or why don’t I sleep easy eating unhealthy foods, easy not exercising, those are like really taking the easier path on a project or something. Those are like these comfortable things, right? That you’re treating what could be for something lesser to avoid the discomfort or pain of investing the energy to have that better level brain.

00;05;06;08 – 00;05;20;14

Jon

So it’s like, okay, if I start taking those shortcuts, I’m going to start getting focus on how I evaluate myself, that I’m going to start taking shortcuts elsewhere, right? Every everything in life is fairly slippery slope, in my opinion.

00;05;20;24 – 00;05;51;00

Aaron

Yeah, we talked about that this morning with how everything we’re doing, the decision wise, that, you know, getting up early or or exercising early or the relationships that we’re keeping our really being in touch with us. That’s really changing everything. It has, as I say, toxic, but toxic has this kind of idea of like it affects everything in some way, but in in essence, this is what’s happening to you.

00;05;51;06 – 00;06;19;14

Aaron

You’re dropping sort of like die in the water and it’s it’s dispersing everywhere and everything gets affected by it. And so it’s more than a single decision. I’ve been tired, but I’m going to get up anyway. It’s very familiar. When everything happens, it’s uncomfortable. How how can address an argument with somebody, how I’m going to how I’m going to kiss my wife in the morning, not just passively, but very intentionally.

00;06;20;00 – 00;06;23;27

Aaron

How I think about people, just everything gets affected.

00;06;24;14 – 00;06;26;01

Jon

It’s pervasive. That’s the word.

00;06;26;01 – 00;06;31;26

Aaron

Pervasive. Thank you. I’m digging in my head like I want to It’s not negative. It’s positive. So pervasive.

00;06;31;26 – 00;06;55;15

Jon

So it just goes phrase, Right. And what’s interesting is I’m thinking about just life in general. Things progress on each other. Now, I’m remembering when Jeremiah was born was my first child, right? I was very young with his. And there’s moments where he would had colic and was crying and screaming. I was alone watching him because we’re bouncing a lot.

00;06;55;27 – 00;07;17;10

Jon

And it took me to my breaking point. I had to sit on the ground, put my head between my knees, sit him next to me. Right. So I didn’t lose my temper or anything because I was losing my I was exhausted, everything else. And it brought me to my very point. I just had to breathe until I got back and come back up and keep going because he needed that right.

00;07;17;10 – 00;07;38;14

Jon

Thankfully, I had the wherewithal to sit down, sat him down. You know, we’re talking about real things here. That’s not silver Sugarcoat it. So it’s like that was sort of an experienced thing. But by shouldering up under the responsibility I owed him. Right. Because he didn’t trust me. And I chose to do what it took to make him right.

00;07;38;14 – 00;08;02;24

Jon

So he owes me nothing. I, I told him everything. But you didn’t do the best I could. And it helped me become better in the next moment. And now. And the reason I laugh about it, it’s the things both on themselves now for kids and after. I’ve never had that type of breaking moment with any number of my children from one for aside from just with him.

00;08;03;06 – 00;08;21;12

Jon

Yes, right. And it’s not because of him, it’s because of me. I was lacking the vision, the skill set and capability to do that. But I continue to push in now the skill sets where it’s like, well, this is really aggravating. So that’s why as the four kids are burning the house and it’s like, that’s what we’re talking about here, you know, that’s a concrete example of like, well, yeah.

00;08;21;12 – 00;08;40;26

Jon

Was that a hopeful? Yes. Was I running into my own limitations, know capabilities? Absolutely. But my question, what is more valuable here? It’s like walking with my son. Right In that moment, specifically, I was able to redefine what my limit was on capacity to deal with that stressful situation.

00;08;40;26 – 00;08;47;25

Aaron

You didn’t know that you had that in you until it was incumbent upon you to do something about your situation right then.

00;08;47;27 – 00;08;48;10

Jon

Yeah.

00;08;48;17 – 00;08;51;24

Aaron

No, this isn’t me. Yeah.

00;08;51;24 – 00;08;56;20

Jon

And even then it was just like, nothing’s going to fix it. So let’s just take the next step. You know.

00;08;56;22 – 00;09;14;07

Aaron

A lot of parents had that that same narrative where they go, Oh, yeah, my my second one was way easier. What were they easier? Or did you go through the baptism of fire of having a first kid for the first time, having someone who’s completely.

00;09;14;07 – 00;09;18;21

Jon

Reliant on you to complement that? Was it easier? Were you just stronger?

00;09;19;06 – 00;09;23;08

Aaron

Right, Exactly. I guess that’s how my, my wife is, is, is. And you’re.

00;09;23;08 – 00;09;25;07

Jon

Always doing all my work.

00;09;25;07 – 00;09;38;09

Aaron

For kids. Like, how do you do it? Like, how do you how do you go from one to 2 to 3 or four? And like, it must be so hard and it’s like for us to go, you know, how do you get good at being a parent for kids? You have three kids?

00;09;38;24 – 00;09;40;27

Jon

Yeah. It’s like twins.

00;09;41;00 – 00;10;07;20

Aaron

Yeah, it’s like you. Yes. Then it’s like, here we go and get better. But it’s I kind of like in the detail of, like, swinging through that, you know? Yeah. You’re think of the baseball player getting ready the way he is going to really be awesome with one bat as you swing in those three and then the one feels like it’s slider, is it actually let her know you just change your perception and you kind of tilt your body.

00;10;07;21 – 00;10;25;06

Aaron

It’s like you’re strong enough to do more than this. Megan Swing That’s really hard. And so I yeah, I think that’s the thing. Kids are a great example of like burning out the selfishness, the desire to be comfortable. You don’t get that luxury if you’re really going to show up.

00;10;25;06 – 00;10;50;22

Jon

That’s absolutely correct. And I’m thinking here about like the so what and what if of this conversation, because there there’s a really strong point to it. You’re doing this because it’s relevant for us. Right. And right now we’re challenging limitations in life. And that’s the reason why I talked about today. And I think that the fruit of this conversation is that others also challenge themselves to whatever next level they’re working for, right?

00;10;51;07 – 00;11;10;21

Jon

Because we’ve been taught, like you already illustrated twice today, this better be good. You know, I’m finding that I’m fighting more towards comfortable things because I’m straining myself and feeling the weight of that load. And I’m not yet accustomed to. Yeah, you know, so like, I think on the one hand we’re exploring the idea of the value of why it’s worth it.

00;11;11;04 – 00;11;31;06

Jon

On the other hand, it’s like the actual steps and payoffs of choosing to say no to the easier option in a in a moment. There’s really two key takeaways that are happening in my head to application section of this. One is in the moment and in the other is not in the future so much as how do you see yourself?

00;11;32;04 – 00;11;57;16

Jon

Because how you see yourself is how you play yourself out, right? And if the old adage what you think will become what you say and what you say, what you do, what you do, you are the same thing. It’s like if I just want to be asleep and I feel tired and I. I feel tired. I feel tired as I keep thinking that I will embody the lack of motivation, energy being exhausted.

00;11;58;02 – 00;11;59;28

Jon

Right. Because my focus is there.

00;12;00;21 – 00;12;03;04

Aaron

Yeah, I’ve heard it said what you think about experience.

00;12;03;20 – 00;12;05;27

Jon

I like that. Yeah, I like that.

00;12;06;19 – 00;12;29;07

Aaron

It’s the same feeling one way and not challenging. It will allow it to just take over. It’s an enemy at the gate, you know, It’s sort of a maybe you should do this and then, Oh, hey, let’s have a conversation with this voice and you lose instead of. No, no, it’s it’s it’s almost a preemptive strike in your mind.

00;12;29;07 – 00;12;47;06

Aaron

Like I know at 2:00 in the office, I’m going to hit a wall and I’m going to start yawning, and that’s when I’m going to start to kind of give up on the day. And maybe I should start wrapping up mentally knowing I have 3 hours of work left. You know, if you’re that honest, I’m sure I’m not alone.

00;12;47;11 – 00;12;53;04

Aaron

There’s a reason why there’s a four hour energy event that’s out there that, like we know you’re going to hit a wall.

00;12;53;04 – 00;12;54;04

Jon

And you’re not gonna want to do.

00;12;54;04 – 00;13;10;10

Aaron

This. Okay? So if you know that, how is it how are you going to change that mentality? Are you going to when it comes in, that voice says you’re tired, you should wrap up, you can coast, no one will know. Who cares? What are you going to do then?

00;13;10;28 – 00;13;36;12

Jon

You know, I think this goes back to where you placing Are you defining what’s right? Because because you just think about the example you skate. It’s like, well, valuable to me escaping the situation now or caring for something that I care about. Right. And to it goes back to oh, let’s define that’s valuable so that we can count the cost and see it’s worth it.

00;13;36;12 – 00;13;42;25

Aaron

So, okay, so comparing is my breasts more important than my flesh?

00;13;44;02 – 00;14;07;01

Jon

Correct. Because think about what this morning it’s like, Oh, I’m tired second time this week so you can keep a weekly rhythm. This better be good, right? You’re doing right there because what’s the cost? What’s the risk? Reported ounces here, Right. The risk is not sure. We don’t have an episode and we don’t have the the amazing conversations that we’ve had this great.

00;14;07;01 – 00;14;17;06

Jon

You’re right. So what’s more valuable to us, the discomfort of waking up and coming or the conversations and experience that we’re living through right now.

00;14;17;06 – 00;14;40;21

Aaron

That’s a difficult thing. We I feel like I’m suspicious after I did. If I coasted through something and I really didn’t challenge myself. And it’s funny, it’s as simple as like having a conversation with something that. Did you really show up? Did you really listen to that or do you walk away having a suspicion like, Man, I could have been like, I was I was sleepy and I let myself be sleepy in that.

00;14;41;14 – 00;15;03;27

Aaron

I have a I have a driving motivation on that. Okay. So we had this we had this hike. That’s that is the baptism in the for life. And it’s called the incline. Yes. Yes. We we tell visitors about it and they think we’re crazy over it’s over 2500 steps. I can’t remember the exact number. It’s a one mile hike.

00;15;03;29 – 00;15;15;23

Aaron

That’s it. It’s one mile. Just under. Just under. Is it just under one minute? Yeah. And it’s but it’s something like a several or almost 20 foot incline or something, if I remember.

00;15;15;23 – 00;15;29;27

Jon

That’s if I remember correctly. Oh, man. It’s just about a mile long. It’s about a mile. Yeah. It’s, it’s stairs. It’s just. It’s where a road ties and a mountain base.

00;15;30;01 – 00;15;55;24

Aaron

It’s just stairs. And it takes someone somewhere between 25 minutes and 2 hours to do it, depending on your health level. Yeah, but. But it is, it’s, it’s not, it’s not just doing it for doing it. So it’s because it’s a mental exercise that I really enjoy it. And going out there because I’ve done it before and finished it.

00;15;56;02 – 00;16;19;13

Aaron

As tired as you are on that thing, there’s always more in you because at the end of it, if you’re if you’re really thinking about it, you go and you recover and you go more. And I left. I quit on myself at some point and I could have done better. If you if you’re looking at time, that kind of stuff.

00;16;19;13 – 00;16;40;18

Aaron

I think there’s there’s always this challenge of like, hey, you should pull back, you should coast, you should be comfortable right now. You deserve it. And there’s a fight you really have to push back. And we’re I’m not going to be comfortable because I know on the other side of it, I’m going to look back and go, I’m disappointed that I had a limit I of I didn’t even hit my limit.

00;16;41;12 – 00;16;42;26

Aaron

Why Why did I pull back.

00;16;43;14 – 00;17;03;26

Jon

When in the in the benefit? Also, you get to see the view from the top. You get a look at the steps. You just conquered this and you get the reward of that victory, right? Yeah. And it’s so funny. And the whole why deserve it, right. Post my text. One of my buddies the other night we had just finished a conversation a cigaret it was four in the afternoon.

00;17;03;27 – 00;17;30;24

Jon

Six Marty 12 hours of dedicated work can ever be right. And I was joking and I wasn’t. And I wish to God that he can leave. And that was the end of our conversation, which suggests they never bothered to response. But I wish he’d just been like, What do you mean, no? Like, I wish you’d just said no, because in my mind said something about I’m saying like, you have more to give.

00;17;32;04 – 00;17;48;05

Jon

Make sure that you’re giving it to the things that you’ve done, right? Yeah, maybe you’re done for this part of the day on these things you’ve invested in each of us. The answers when you invest now, you know, and it’s just it’s kind of like, what if you want to do that as part of your festivities or restoration, that’s fine.

00;17;48;05 – 00;17;59;09

Jon

But it’s like, do you deserve it now? Of course you don’t deserve it. Not deserve the great you deserve. One breath of fresh air to push into the next thing, John.

00;17;59;09 – 00;18;06;27

Aaron

I mean, this is this is an old the old axiom is that the man gets to come home.

00;18;06;27 – 00;18;09;02

Jon

And kick us out because I worked all day.

00;18;09;24 – 00;18;22;14

Aaron

Like, we’re challenging that right now. We’re saying you don’t deserve anything. Like you worked your eight, 9 hours. Good job. So you’re supposed to do the bare minimum in my mind. Like, good. You did That one just underachieved.

00;18;22;29 – 00;18;25;28

Jon

Yeah. It’s a living. Yeah.

00;18;26;14 – 00;18;35;07

Aaron

Yeah. If you’re day ends at 5:00, I really need you to challenge the rest of the four or 5 hours that you have left in the day. What are you going to do with it.

00;18;35;23 – 00;18;59;05

Jon

When it comes back to leadership? Right. So two things. You’re one, I’ve wanted to become more and more of a morning person and somehow find that we can consistently between that for 430, I realized it’s not because I want to wake up at 430, it’s because I’m valuing things that I want to accomplish more than the sleep. Now, I could use that justification on working from 4 to 4, four or five.

00;18;59;05 – 00;19;20;26

Jon

You know, that’s already 1213 hours to do the old adage of let’s keep my feet off the grass. But then I have to think like, what if I’m a leader, right, for my family? Then that’s not the right mentality. From the moment my wife wakes up, the moment she goes to bed, she’s tending to issues for the home and for the kids, for our lives.

00;19;21;04 – 00;19;43;17

Jon

She’s working, you know. So in my mind, what I’ve challenged myself in for a long time and continue to do this, like, okay, I’m done with this. Part of today’s work is how I look at the transition from, you know, the office to home. Is it all right this part? Today’s work’s done. Now it’s time for the vote in homeowner Right.

00;19;43;28 – 00;20;07;25

Jon

So it’s a transition until I’m done for the day, but it’s time for me to apply myself to where I’m needed here as a leader. Because guess what happens to my family? I don’t do my job. They don’t need me. Right? So does that make me special? Now that’s just what’s required. So when I get home is my wife get to sit back and kick out or she’s still working?

00;20;08;07 – 00;20;25;25

Jon

Right? Right. If I’m leaving, I’m not going to let someone in my home continue to toil because I had a long day at the office. But in my mind, when you really think about it so ridiculous, like, what do you mean? Like, I’ve been they’ve been working just as long as you want, for the most part. More likely.

00;20;25;27 – 00;20;39;03

Jon

Yeah, right. Like if you woke up at the same time, then whoever’s in your home, it’s been working the same time. Just sitting around there. You don’t deserve anything. You don’t get special treatment. You made some money. Okay?

00;20;39;03 – 00;21;13;09

Aaron

And participation trophy. I mean, that’s what I’m talking about. Like, that’s the minimum all the way. And I think we’re having a we’re. This is this isn’t are we talking about you know, we’re talking about really looking at ourselves first. This is not this feels like we’re pointing at units or pointing to ourselves like this to you. This is again, we’re all we’re we’re just we just need to realize that this this comfortable voice in our head is competing with greatness, you know?

00;21;13;10 – 00;21;28;25

Aaron

Yeah, I don’t feel like doing this. I want to do this. I want to back off like, you’re not going to ever taste the really good stuff of life. You let that voice prevail.

00;21;28;25 – 00;21;49;08

Jon

100% agree. When we’re lifting this morning, I heard one of the heavy rock songs are listening to. It’s like it’s the Silver Spoon will be your friend. And I loved it, but I want to add to it. It’s the silver spoon of entitlement. There won’t be. Your friend will kill you. It’ll rob you of what you could be right.

00;21;49;26 – 00;22;01;10

Jon

Like you fat yourself up with that mentality and you will be a version of yourself that is so superior and desperate. Then your life will immediately be filled with regret.

00;22;02;26 – 00;22;26;02

Aaron

Yeah, I always to. Well, I need a voice in my head. And sometimes I need it. Sometimes I need a John Mayer or somebody to tell me. Because I want to ask you, John, like in the gym of life and I’m there and I did, you know, I’m doing my my set. Yeah. And then I say, Is that all I got?

00;22;26;20 – 00;22;47;29

Aaron

Is that. Is that everything? Yeah. And you’re saying no. And you have a more you know, I think I have one more. You said, I know you got five ones. You know, these are the gym partners that like absolutely making crush break ceilings and and life should be no different. Is that all you got? Is that everything?

00;22;49;18 – 00;23;10;13

Jon

What it comes back to? You know, a sound body is going to sound mind is better, but a sound character is the pursuit because it’s the sum of the whole being. The sum of all the parts, right? Yeah. And the reason that fitness is just a means to an end, right? If we push each other in the gym, we ought to be pushing each other.

00;23;10;13 – 00;23;28;21

Jon

Like it’s like, Hey, I had this conversation and this is what I’m seeing and think, Oh, how did I give it my all? In my off answer? You did not give it your all. You were off. I love you. Best push into that more. Yeah, let’s fix that. Let’s make it something valuable. Yes. Right. And then it’s like, okay.

00;23;29;07 – 00;23;44;29

Jon

And what’s fun about is now we’re encouraging each other to be better men. And because of that, we’re better husbands and better fathers. And because of that, we’re better serving our community. That’s kind of neato in my job.

00;23;45;02 – 00;24;09;01

Aaron

And I love the fact that you could we could change challenged how we’re looking, even at things in the past like that. We had a conversation about a conversation I had with somebody that I love very much and the But just what you said, I, I didn’t give it my all. What? What, what could have happened and did it.

00;24;09;01 – 00;24;28;25

Aaron

And I’m glad it is okay to come to you and say, hey, I need to be validated. And I’m like, let me tell you what I said. And then and then I do this, you know, I mean voice. And then they said, and it’s very gossipy, right? Yeah. We’ve all fallen into the trap that like, Oh, yeah, man, you know, gosh, their way around.

00;24;29;05 – 00;24;52;10

Aaron

And then it’d just crucify the person. And really, the story isn’t right anyway, it’s weighted heavily and whatever you did, but that didn’t happen was me saying, Hey, I said this in my office, and you said, Yeah, this is how you sound to me. And then when I heard it, I go, Oh, well, that’s not right. Because is really what I sounded like.

00;24;53;01 – 00;25;19;09

Aaron

And then that’s an uncomfortable conversation. No, it’s that’s really challenging whether or not I’m doing something correctly. And then it feels very off putting because now I realize there’s a deficiency. Now I got to work on it. Yeah, but because of that, you’re helping me find a new limit. Like I kind of had. I found a limit in my insufficiency, you know?

00;25;19;11 – 00;25;22;13

Aaron

Okay, we’re going to do different differently. We’re going to push past that.

00;25;24;09 – 00;25;50;05

Jon

100% and looking at that. So we’ve talked about three types of comfort to question so that we can live more vibrant lives. Right? That’s the premise here. One was in the trade offs we’re making with ourselves to avoid discomfort for something of greater value, to have to define the value. The second one is how you continue to have that internal dialog push shape, how you see yourself.

00;25;50;07 – 00;26;27;16

Jon

You know, the way you put it is what you think about expands utilities, you right? And then the third one is even conversational, relational, right. Having those constructive conversation issues that analyze a situation so that you can learn from it helps you then to engage on that emotional intelligence and relational right. So there’s three there that the only other thing I can think of before we wrap this back up is what type of comfort or what type of discomfort should you challenge for when should you pursue a better alternative to what you’re experiencing?

00;26;27;16 – 00;26;40;11

Jon

And I think that if you’re in pain for no reason, it’s not benefiting you in any way, then don’t increase your pain to first address it, right?

00;26;40;15 – 00;26;42;08

Aaron

That’s good. You know, it’s good.

00;26;42;12 – 00;27;03;13

Jon

Because I don’t mind being in pain if it’s for a tradeoff. Yeah, but if I’m in pain for no reason, I have an issue. And I may need to create an ending in a hard stop or something like that. Right. But it shouldn’t just increase my pain tolerance to avoid it. In this way. It comes back to question comfort, to avoid the discomfort of changing the circumstances setting.

00;27;03;16 – 00;27;14;19

Aaron

I’m actually able exact. That’s great. Things are happening to me that we have a nervous system for a reason and tells you the difference between pain when you’re just tired.

00;27;15;10 – 00;27;38;22

Jon

And I think the reason most people stay in unhealthy, painful situations is because of how uncomfortable it may be for them to challenge either their identity or the relationships that would cause them to get to a healthier place where they’re making a good tradeoff between discomfort, value. And that’s that’s the other negative place to be. Challenge your comfort one.

00;27;39;01 – 00;27;40;26

Jon

Exactly. You want to pull that burden off.

00;27;41;04 – 00;27;45;03

Aaron

So you can find the other side where the true limit to figure this.

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