EXPLORING THE TOOLS THAT UNLEASH HUMAN POTENTIAL
Episode 14 from The Grit Theory.
Today we we discuss the power of focusing on what we have control of. The power of prioritizing our efforts, and how to adapt our planning over time.
Highlights include:
– Different types of goal.
– Identifying the value of of planning.
– The unhelpfulness of focusing on the unknown.
– “The Closer, The Clearer” a tool for engaging with the future.
– Celebration is often bitter sweet.
– Choose to live vibrantly.
– Be a student of life.
Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT!
Also, check out Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be waymakers HERE.
Do you want to learn more? Check out:
The Book: Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be WayMakers.
The Podcast: “Be Relentless Podcast”
The Fuel: Sisu Stamina, Performance Evolved
Linktree: Here.
08;06;40;07 – 08;06;36;26
Aaron
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to The Grit Theory show. This is Aaron Robinson.
08;06;36;26 – 08;06;35;10
Jon
With Jon Mayo.
08;06;35;10 – 08;06;33;07
Aaron
Jon Mayo. How are you, sir? I’m doing.
08;06;33;07 – 08;06;18;26
Jon
Well. I love how every time we start the conversation. So whoever starts and then with always each other, so if anyone’s thinking, oh, he’s going to be different, we will always be great.
08;06;18;10 – 08;06;12;08
Aaron
Just one day we just throw in and we’re here with who would it be like? Paul Hogan is just just like.
08;06;12;00 – 08;06;06;21
Jon
Make something up someone his dad will Aristotle, right? Right now?
08;06;06;11 – 08;05;46;02
Aaron
Yeah, let’s do like a bill and Ted’s remake right here. Hey, good morning, guys. So glad you joined us! We have an episode on topic today. We’re very excited to chat with you about, I think business owners. Guys who are gals that are pushing through some barriers will need to be checked in some areas when we talk
08;05;46;02 – 08;05;39;13
Aaron
about what this topic is really getting into. So, Jon, that’s right your way. I’m being too ambiguous. Yeah, articulate, please.
08;05;39;08 – 08;05;22;11
Jon
So the two things at the top is absolutely like a personal mastery that yourself, you know, type of exploration, right? We’re going to do like this movement to contact find the good stuff right here and how it’s going to be based around.
08;05;22;01 – 08;05;17;15
Jon
I don’t waste your energy on things you can’t control or the unknown.
08;05;16;04 – 08;05;07;20
Aaron
OK, interesting. So don’t waste your energy, which you can’t control. All right, so you can waste energy and energy was good for me.
08;05;07;12 – 08;04;49;12
Jon
Yeah, so you know, today is really a fun. You know, what we do today is that you and I were talking earlier workout session where we’re talking about this principle. When you’re planning for things, right? At what point did you start planning because you’re just burning yourself out and you’re worrying about things.
08;04;49;12 – 08;04;44;04
Jon
You can’t control your spending your energy or things you don’t know or can’t know those types of things.
08;04;44;04 – 08;04;30;22
Aaron
And this so this is segment too, because this is sort of like flies in the face of another kind of a competing idea that people have is like, never quit, never ever quit, right? And this is this is kind of challenging now.
08;04;30;22 – 08;04;26;22
Aaron
It’s like, actually, there is a time to quit. We’re kind of getting into it. There is.
08;04;26;09 – 08;04;08;07
Jon
It’s really how you focus your energy. Right, right. Because there’s enough in front of us that we need to turn to now, you know, a couple three rapid fire years to kind of articulate that idea that thought one or don’t worry about tomorrow or today has enough worry about.
08;04;08;07 – 08;03;53;15
Jon
So that kind of thought process personal to you if you have a problem that’s like right in front of you. It’s it’s not helpful to focus on the problem. That’s 100 meters down the road because the one that’s right in front of you is going to eat you.
08;03;52;06 – 08;03;41;09
Jon
And three, just like with how our vision works, the closer something is, the clearer it is because we can discern and see the details and distinguish them with greater fidelity.
08;03;41;04 – 08;03;36;26
Aaron
So I am excited to get into this. I already have all kinds of stats. This is great.
08;03;36;14 – 08;03;19;29
Jon
And when we’re little one caveat to that, a great example of application is that everybody is leaving the leaving the service right now. And there’s this crazy thing when you’re leaving the service, it feels like there’s this veil of like darkness almost like just unknown.
08;03;19;19 – 08;03;06;19
Jon
But you can’t pierce you even if you have like a job whenever something. So while most people I know that have left like, I don’t know, it’s on the other side don’t know how to, even with plans set up to successfully transition.
08;03;06;15 – 08;03;04;18
Jon
It’s still this confusing thing is.
08;03;04;17 – 08;02;44;27
Aaron
It isn’t a and I’m a civilian, as I’ve mentioned before, so that I don’t have that backdrop. I’m a I’m an army brat, Air Force brat. I saw some of that on the outside looking in. But my suspicion is is that you had such a regimented game plan every single day.
08;02;44;27 – 08;02;30;02
Aaron
Get up to whatever it is and then you had orders to do it. You had a job. Everything was very specified for you. You learn discipline. You learn how to take orders and get things done. And now there’s going into maybe the job force with outside of a military type context.
08;02;29;22 – 08;02;25;26
Aaron
Is it? Is that what it gets to? It’s too big.
08;02;25;23 – 08;02;11;17
Jon
Or do think it’s just a change from something that is still all encompassing to so much such a hybrid of variable rate? And I’m not trying to go too far down this path, just provide a little bit of context and backdrop, one to say if you’re approaching that.
08;02;11;06 – 08;02;10;03
Aaron
Fog in front of you.
08;02;10;03 – 08;01;56;21
Jon
And it feels discouraging, that’s fair. I just get with someone who’s already done it to help pierce through that nail event and provide some light. And I do think it’s just because you’re in. A lot of people are like, Yeah, it’s there, but I’m going through both full steam.
08;01;56;21 – 08;01;40;15
Jon
So I’m not saying like, it stops me will stop. So it does stop some, but really, it’s just it’s a it’s the boundary that elicits fear, right? And when that response occurs in someone, you want to plan every detail so that you’ve.
08;01;40;12 – 08;01;27;13
Jon
Best chance of succeeding, even if the time goes. You want to be prepared to engage in the change. Right, right. The reason I hear that backdrop is because everybody who’s is transitioning to leave, you know, he’s been doing this for over ten years, military show.
08;01;27;04 – 08;01;12;25
Jon
So it’s all he’s right. He went to West Point. Don’t hate him. So literally, since leaving high school, military has been his life or between that and serving about 15 years. So it’s like, Whoa, what’s going to happen?
08;01;12;16 – 08;00;56;28
Jon
And one of the things we talked about was, Hey, let’s timelines. You can’t worry about 15 months from now when you’re done, because there’s so many unknowns. There’s so many variables in play. It’s going to kill you. So if we just look at what can we do today, what do you need to do three months, six months
08;00;56;28 – 08;00;40;28
Jon
, nine months and then one, you’re setting your own expectations. So it’s like, OK, I’m not ignoring this problem. I’m not putting it all out of fear. I’m prioritizing my issues, and I’m not going to engage in something that could change entirely by the time it’s relevant.
08;00;40;26 – 08;00;24;27
Aaron
So you’re scaling down the time at which the activity needs to occur because because people are trying to plan out, let’s say, 50 mile journey and they’re thinking about the energy it’s going to take and even the daunting task of how to achieve whatever 15 months needs to be at that point.
08;00;24;05 – 08;00;16;23
Aaron
And and because there are so future mind in the next five minutes could be paralyzed or yeah, or say no.
08;00;16;23 – 09;59;58;17
Jon
Effects and you can lose the next 15 months because you’re so worried about the day, 15 months from now. Right, right. And every detail that goes into it, all the variables in trying to plan, you’re just extending yourself when you if you put it to paper, you know, for this one example, it’s like, OK, let’s back plan
09;59;58;16 – 09;59;42;23
Jon
on this unless you say, what, when is this? When do these issues that need attention become relevant enough to invest in? And when will I have the resources, the understanding and the situational awareness to actually be able to affect them positively?
09;59;42;05 – 09;59;28;10
Jon
You know, because there’s times you can’t. It’s the same for yeah, that’s just one example, right? Like, I’m thinking about you, you some royalty aren’t worried about the houses that you’re going to try to close on in December.
09;59;27;27 – 09;59;22;01
Jon
Right. Right? Or the fact that you may have 50 to do in a month or five? Why don’t you worried about that?
09;59;21;03 – 09;59;03;17
Aaron
Yeah, because I know that every day I break it down to smaller coastal elements, right? So what’s for me? It’s it’s quarterly because otherwise I lose motivation because I can’t. And for me, that’s the time it has to be, because if it were a weekly or monthly, I can’t afford it.
09;59;03;17 – 09;58;49;16
Aaron
I can’t really affect this week as far as getting something done, closed or whatever, but I can affect it inside of a quarter. Now you’re two years out, and I kind of think that starts to paralyze me like, I’ll never whatever, you know.
09;58;49;01 – 09;58;34;02
Aaron
And then I feel like today, does it even matter? Am I ever going to get there? So oftentimes, yeah, I don’t. I can’t focus so far in the future because there’s plenty to do right now, but I want to stay motivated by making sure the time frame makes sense.
09;58;33;25 – 09;58;21;08
Jon
So let’s keep playing with this example. Yeah, right? So you’re not you’re not planning for two, three years out. You’re really planning quarterly. And then in the week to week, you’re executing the tasks.
09;58;20;19 – 09;58;09;25
Aaron
Yeah, the quarterly. Well, it feeds. So it’s it’s a. So the the weekly rhythms feed, the monthly rhythms, the monthly feeds, the quarterly and then the quarterly. Ultimately, all four.
09;58;09;25 – 09;58;08;26
Jon
Quarters immediately.
09;58;08;26 – 09;58;05;26
Aaron
Caught my one year old as I’m still tracking the one.
09;58;05;26 – 09;58;04;14
Jon
Year goal on your goal.
09;58;04;12 – 09;57;51;16
Aaron
But the one your goal is not the only goal on tracking. If I if I only focus on the annual thing every single month, I would fail. I have to give myself wins along the way. How did I win the day?
09;57;51;14 – 09;57;39;14
Aaron
The week, the month, the quarter? Yeah, those are. Those are better because I can see what I like what you said, the closer the clear like I can see today, crystal clear, I can see this moment crystal clear.
09;57;39;14 – 09;57;22;16
Aaron
I can effect this moment more than any other moment I have. I can’t forget the past can’t even five minutes from now. Somebody make bust in with a gun. I don’t know something. These are the these are the nightmare scenarios Jon and I talked about, you know, but I would I would just say that right now is
09;57;22;16 – 09;57;09;08
Aaron
the only thing that truly is affected by your mind. And so this is powerful right now, three months from now. It’s weaker now, but it’s important. But it’s I have less control over it.
09;57;08;20 – 09;56;51;03
Jon
Well, that’s the perfect example of a year goal and quarterly goals and monthly and weekly tasks that you want to accomplish, right? And they all feed each other, get right. And then you have the larger vision for like 23 years.
09;56;50;03 – 09;56;45;11
Aaron
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. You want me to articulate you? Sure, you’re OK. All right.
09;56;44;29 – 09;56;44;06
Jon
I’m not going to set goals.
09;56;43;27 – 09;56;29;17
Aaron
I don’t know. Exercise anybody has different like a different vocation. But generally, it should be something that really ignites to you. If you did it, it would. It’d be like something. It would be a dream. Like, how could I?
09;56;28;27 – 09;56;16;15
Aaron
Is that even possible if I were consistent, that that could happen. And if that and and like kind of a what if and then just work at it every day and that we’ve talked about this that is normally too small.
09;56;15;24 – 09;56;06;11
Aaron
If you’re if you’re a consistent person and really going after in the dream is big enough and it matters enough to you, whatever you said, it was going to happen three years is probably short of what’s actually going to happen.
09;56;06;02 – 09;55;50;03
Jon
And that’s so fair because it goes back to the. If you overestimate weekly media and interest rate, you can do it a decade process, right? You know, that’s why I’m such a fan of finding some extremely lofty ideal.
09;55;49;21 – 09;55;31;02
Jon
That’s like ten years out. I want to accomplish this thing in the next decade. And so I even tried to take, as you said, in a US flexible decade. Why? Because then all the problems that I’m facing, I’m asking the question, Will this help me with this?
09;55;31;00 – 09;55;11;01
Jon
Put me one step closer to this crazy way out there. Horrid, high level goal. Absolutely. And in the context is different. If I want to make ten bucks right versus hundred thousand dollars in the next month, I’m going to act differently based on that.
09;55;10;18 – 09;54;56;05
Jon
What I’m aiming at? Yeah. Right. So it’s kind of interesting because if we look at the two scenarios, you just talked to you and I had a lot of fun doing in there like we have one where someone’s going through a significant life change.
09;54;55;16 – 09;54;38;14
Jon
And so they’re prioritizing out the tasks to prepare for that change in a fashion that allows them not to waste time working on the things that they can’t affect, you agree. And then on the other one, we have essentially the way we talked about a pretty.
09;54;37;01 – 09;54;26;03
Jon
Universally applicable way to set goals, right? We just talked about, hey, they offered each other, but I can’t focus on the year of be discouraged. It’s OK to break it down to quarterly and then to monthly. And it’s a weekly.
09;54;26;02 – 09;54;14;11
Jon
And actually, no, if I’m on pace, hit right and I know it just sets the Dow, you know? So there’s that. And then I’d say there’s another category that just pops to their mind, which would be that crisis resolution, right?
09;54;13;21 – 09;53;57;07
Jon
Like if? Like, if someone you love dies, for example, or you have a business and goes under or you lose your job, right? You start needing to plan on how you’re going to react to those things. It’s not helpful to say, OK, I just lost my job.
09;53;56;23 – 09;53;39;14
Jon
I have my family to care for a mortgage, to pay bills all that. Once I get my next job, how am I going to invest the money to recuperate the savings, outplacement or whatever? And that’s not helpful. I don’t know what my next job will be.
09;53;39;08 – 09;53;24;08
Jon
I don’t know my income source will be. I don’t know how much will be. So how can I invest it now wasting energy on something that? Can wait until I have the next job, you know? So what would be more hopeful in this scenario would be OK?
09;53;23;09 – 09;53;10;25
Jon
I’m going to do a little bit of self-care. We’ve talked about that, right? I’m going to try and force Sophie down and I’m not hungry. Maybe go for a walk and then I’m going to put my some actionable steps to clean up my resume.
09;53;10;04 – 09;53;02;17
Jon
Reach out to my some people I know who may be able to help me. And tomorrow morning, I’m going to hear applications hard.
09;53;02;08 – 09;52;44;18
Aaron
I see. I think, yeah, for me, a lot of it, and this is what we’re doing right now is mindset. And I know that’s like the big buzzword right now. But mindset is really it’s just a really big term to say these are all the activities that allow you to really focus on the moment, not just the
09;52;44;18 – 09;52;21;15
Aaron
future. His mindset is very it dissipates quickly. That’s why we need to cultivate it. So to think in the future all the time, you don’t know what your mindset is going to be. I hope in the future, I think like I am now that I’m going to anchor myself to good mental behaviors, but I don’t.
09;52;21;09 – 09;52;17;07
Aaron
But I’m not there that I’m not there now. I’m here now.
09;52;17;00 – 09;52;16;21
Jon
I’m.
09;52;16;10 – 09;51;59;26
Aaron
In. And so when you say, you know, get healthy, which you can affect now, to me, it’s like, Yeah, for sure, don’t get yourself good. Physically, that kind of thing. Get some fresh air. But boy, go have coffee with someone and you don’t even have to talk about business.
09;51;59;14 – 09;51;46;12
Aaron
Just be a human like, Hey, how you doing, man? Get get some like belly to belly to belly time with somebody and get a alive get in the moment. It’s amazing if you show up and you’re really authentic with people.
09;51;46;03 – 09;51;44;11
Aaron
How doors to start opening.
09;51;42;14 – 09;51;28;14
Jon
He really did showing up, right? Because I was just thinking about it and not for a metric in this before, but I want to fight to stay no more than 10% of my time in the future, the past ten to 20%.
09;51;27;27 – 09;51;14;02
Jon
And the time I do spend, let’s say, in the past, I can’t change it, but I can certainly learn from it. So if I’m going to spend any time in the past mentally, I need to fight it down to 10% and have it be focused on either drawing a memory that’s it’s really positive.
09;51;13;23 – 09;50;58;08
Jon
And that’s fine. Or what can I learn from this to apply it now and moving forward? And then the same with the future. If I’m focusing on the future, I want it to be. Beneficial, and I want it to yield something to be utilized.
09;50;57;26 – 09;50;44;28
Jon
So if I’m going to and that’s I’m just like wanting to daydream for a little bit, have fun with it. Yeah, sir, I don’t want to become obsessed with the future. I want to think about it in a way that how can I align myself with the receipts?
09;50;44;28 – 09;50;28;06
Jon
Write those weekly monthly quarterly annual goals so that. I can kind of know make sure that I’m on track, right, maybe do some some checks from time to time, make sure that I’m pointing in the right direction. Make sure that the goals are in line with what actions are.
09;50;27;18 – 09;50;22;26
Jon
You know, challenge myself to pay my assuming something around here. Get those types of things.
09;50;22;24 – 09;50;03;28
Aaron
It’s amazing how like that ten, 20% or, you know, whatever you’ve given, it’s sort of like parameters for past and future thinking. It’s it’s incredible how if you do visit it longer than, let’s say, that’s the threshold you can, you can easily lose yourself.
09;50;03;07 – 09;49;45;29
Aaron
And this is this is like we’re people who are going through severe depression. I mean, oftentimes living in one of those two realities. What? I’m not in the future. You know what? I’ll never be in the future. I should say, like, it’s not even about what you are right now is it’s determining in your mind that what
09;49;45;29 – 09;49;30;13
Aaron
you are right now means I’m definitely going to have this future and I’m just stuck in that. I’m looking at this loser in the future or in the past and all the stupid stuff I did. And so now I have now it’s vectored me to the point where I’m like a victim right now, and I’ll never be
09;49;30;13 – 09;49;12;01
Aaron
anything more than what I was in the past and then camping there and never once stopping and going. I can effect right now. That’s that’s the insanity of it. Yeah. Yeah, it’s not even real. The what’s in your head is not even real.
09;49;12;01 – 09;49;11;06
Aaron
It’s not even happening.
09;49;11;06 – 09;49;04;04
Jon
Right now in and world. Is like when I talked to people who are first step right, when I get stuck.
09;49;03;23 – 09;49;03;09
Aaron
Yeah, it’s like.
09;49;02;21 – 09;48;44;07
Jon
You don’t realize just how in the world. It’s like if you notice that if you do get the breaks of reality, Richard, oh my goodness, I’m. They will seize that because it may not come for another year. You know, given the circumstances are like and that’s that’s where it’s wild because, you know, if you whatever, I’ve been
09;48;44;07 – 09;48;29;29
Jon
stuck or I’ve walked through someone else being stuck in India, it’s not until they start to realize it. Certain identifiers from anything change the same as myself. So, you know, the question that kind of comes to mind is.
09;48;28;28 – 09;48;14;23
Jon
When I’m dealing with any problems, right, because I think we’ve explored the idea, so I’m kind of thinking through, well, what tools do we have at our disposal? What thought processes questions do we use to productively engage with?
09;48;13;23 – 09;47;57;29
Jon
The problem said change goals that require us to engage with them in a planning sense, right? Because like this, this project comes up. I mean, it’s something that can’t just ActionScript, right? It’s not as a response to an e-mail.
09;47;56;26 – 09;47;45;03
Jon
It’s not. I just need a straight defense as I’m done in 15 minutes. These are things that are going to take a week a month a year to do so. It’s like, Well, how do you? Ask like, how do you know?
09;47;44;09 – 09;47;29;29
Jon
Am I spending my time fruitfully and planning or my starting to spend my energy unnecessarily wastefully? And things that I don’t have control? Right? The first thing I that comes to my mind is just asking myself the question.
09;47;29;26 – 09;47;07;06
Jon
We’re asking my partner the question of, OK, are we playing on something that is contingent on some other change before we can get to it? Yeah. You know, because right through, for example, it’s not helpful for us to plan what we’re going to do when this show has a huge audience, right?
09;47;06;18 – 09;46;53;02
Jon
And because we’re not there. So it’s like, well, what are we going to do at that point? And why would we waste energy on? Let’s talk about what can we do to make this better today and bring it to the next level so that we can better serve our community?
09;46;52;27 – 09;46;41;06
Aaron
Yeah, that’s exactly right. Yeah, because this sort of arrogance and if you were camping in a future reality and going in this and this and this, you know, that’s all fine and good. And even people could say, Well, that’s the American dream.
09;46;41;05 – 09;46;24;18
Aaron
It’s like, Well, yeah, but you know, when I when I think American dream, I think like the industrial revolution, people coming over here like severe hardship and they were every day dogging it out. Yeah, sure, they had a dream in their heart, but you think they were stopping for more than a minute with that broom while they’re
09;46;24;01 – 09;46;08;01
Aaron
moving their way through the organization or to the opportunities relationships they’re going to make and the storefronts they are going to open up. And all those things were just like it was a daily mental endeavor. The future was nice to have, but it was.
09;46;07;09 – 09;46;03;18
Aaron
It wasn’t. It wasn’t their present reality. They knew that.
09;46;02;27 – 09;45;46;16
Jon
Well, you know, that’s an interesting point. It brings to mind the idea that we’re not meant to languish around were meant to toil and work and pursue things and grow things, build things at the cost of our energy and our sweat.
09;45;45;28 – 09;45;32;26
Jon
And the reward for that is whatever that work produces. You know that that’s the reward. And if that is at times a retreat from that work so that you can recharge and hit it fresh, that’s awesome. But that’s what we’re meant to do.
09;45;32;25 – 09;45;18;07
Jon
It’s not we’re not meant to live any churn obligation or lack of responsibility or lack of building. You know, we’re meant to be trained and equipped in this world in our lives and enjoy the gifts that that produces.
09;45;17;17 – 09;45;03;27
Aaron
And you know, I was just this is just tell me what you think of that statement. When you talk about future planning to me and you’re talking about wasting energy on what is, you know, features that have not accomplished.
09;45;03;17 – 09;44;49;25
Aaron
What if it’s what if it’s like opposite? What if the real servant in this scenario is the future? It’s not the master, is it? The future is the master? And I’m constantly trying to do things for it when it doesn’t exist yet.
09;44;49;04 – 09;44;45;13
Aaron
But it’s the future is the servant in that the future is beckoning.
09;44;45;13 – 09;44;45;01
Jon
Me.
09;44;43;25 – 09;44;29;07
Aaron
To start doing more in the present, and it’s serving me in that sense. It’s it’s it’s in essence a coach. It’s a enticing, I’m here. But if you want to get to me, these are the things you’re going to have to do today.
09;44;28;15 – 09;44;13;07
Jon
I love that, especially if you’re talking about fixing a character or personal defect or climbing out of a situation that’s less than ideal. Right, right. Because you already have the friction of, I don’t like being here, right? You know, which is good.
09;44;12;27 – 09;44;10;07
Aaron
Discomfort makes change. That’s OK. Yeah.
09;44;09;26 – 09;44;06;09
Jon
Don’t ignore it. Don’t raise your pain tolerance for something that is bad.
09;44;05;18 – 09;44;05;07
Aaron
He’s a.
09;44;05;00 – 09;43;45;26
Jon
Very healthy, but I love that because you’re negotiating with the future. You’re negotiating really with yourself. Uh-Huh. You. I want to stay here or do I want to make these sacrifices today to be able to meet that beckoning future, you know?
09;43;44;15 – 09;43;26;04
Jon
Yeah, I love that idea. And one of the things I’ve thought about, too, is another area where I think we can really illustrate the idea of when you start wasting your energy on things either you don’t know or don’t can’t control is a catastrophe, specifically health with someone you like yourself or something?
09;43;25;19 – 09;43;08;00
Jon
Right? If you find a lump or someone you love starts to have continuous chest pain and severe migraines, and you’re getting them right. Yeah, you can. Oh, my goodness, these are all signs of very different but bad health issues, strokes, heart attacks, cancer.
09;43;07;23 – 09;42;56;10
Jon
So it’s like what you can use for, oh my goodness, what happens if you’re sick and then you’re like, Okay, and then they’re sick, and then they die. And then, you know what I’m going to do in the sick?
09;42;56;06 – 09;42;42;14
Jon
Oh, they die. Then what I did with the family, myself? And then who am I going to find out, you know, at some point, like, what? What are you doing? You’re wasting so much energy. I want you to say, how can I help you?
09;42;42;03 – 09;42;28;20
Jon
Right? I can affect that. And hey, let’s get you checked out. Let’s find out what it is, and let’s not assume the worst. Let’s prepare for the worst. Let’s hope for the best. And let’s walk through that before we make any other decisions, right?
09;42;28;17 – 09;42;20;19
Jon
You know, that’s right. And maybe if you’re in a place where you’ve got to do something to transition into something that comes up, it’s like this pause the transition just until we get the answer on this first question.
09;42;20;06 – 09;41;59;08
Jon
But let’s not waste our energy on any other changes until we just get past this first resolution to this issue. You know, that to me, is just a crystal clear example where I could be stressing myself out, working myself into a frenzy, spiraling for no reason.
09;41;59;00 – 09;41;47;14
Jon
Yeah, when I could just do what I need to do. We’ve talked about this a lot. When people are going through crisis, what do you need to be with and you show up in the present? That’s right. That’s what I could be doing until we get the answer.
09;41;46;27 – 09;41;36;28
Jon
Instead, I think we have the proclivity so often to start spiraling and worrying about second, third fourth order effects that are all based on the answer to the first.
09;41;35;15 – 09;41;16;29
Aaron
I think it’s great when you when you watch, we sprint past the moment where we have these opportunities to go, OK, this is the end of something. And it was a good bit of said like, Hey, there’s that was a beautiful picture that’s hanging on the wall and it’s all, it’s all.
09;41;16;29 – 09;40;58;16
Aaron
Admire it. I think that’s what celebration is so important both of someone’s life when we lose them or a career. Well done. You know, or some position I was held or celebration is not. It’s not. It’s not some ego trip.
09;40;58;06 – 09;40;46;27
Aaron
What it is is it’s it’s a healthy way of saying that was then and it was really good, and I’m thankful for that and we’re going to celebrate that. That happened and now and then so I can transition my mind to.
09;40;46;19 – 09;40;36;15
Aaron
That’s finished. It’s good when I finish something and now I got to start something else. And at the end of that, I celebrate that to let it be however long it’s going to be.
09;40;36;10 – 09;40;12;02
Jon
And it’s so interesting because I. There’s a distinction, I think what you’re saying, I really respect the distinction is. Celebration is not synonymous with partying or having fun, but because it’s not always going to be a four year old’s birthday party, you know, with destroying cake and candles like it very well could be.
09;40;10;05 – 09;39;51;14
Jon
Something very bittersweet. It’s like the death of a loved one. It means that it’s the choice to celebrate their life while mourning the loss. You know, it could be the same with a career or leading parenting, you know, but obviously you’re dealing with Aboriginal parents, but if they’ve grown up, it’s going to be bittersweet.
09;39;50;21 – 09;39;32;07
Aaron
So this is hitting home today. I didn’t tell you this, but I got some terrible news yesterday. My wife beckons me up on my driveway. She’s like, she gave me the look like, this is serious, and I’m thinking, you know, 100 terrible scenarios that come in is not good.
09;39;32;03 – 09;39;16;04
Aaron
Yeah. And I got on the phone, my mom’s crying and she tells me. Honey, Mr. Nelson just just died, and that’s my elementary school gym teacher. Now, I don’t know how close you guys are to your gym teacher, but I knew mine all six years.
09;39;15;25 – 09;39;08;01
Aaron
He married my kindergarten teacher, who was then Mrs. Tarkovsky, and I was her first year student.
09;39;08;01 – 09;39;06;24
Jon
I was there for her.
09;39;05;15 – 09;38;49;29
Aaron
Her goodbye ceremony, and I run into these guys, like jogging. They like, do them all Locsin, and I’ll see them on the trails and stuff, and we kept in touch. My brother had been very close over the years, so when he had to hear his passing, that was like that was a loss because we because of how
09;38;49;20 – 09;38;36;22
Aaron
amazing of a man, he was just this kind inviting person and so on, calling my brother. And he’s tore up on the phone, too, because my brother had a very athletic career through high school, so it was even more effectual.
09;38;36;10 – 09;38;12;15
Aaron
He was a mentor to him. And so my. This sucks. You know, I like to deal with a loss like that to lose someone who’s so important. But our conversation went not to this is terrible, and this world is so dark and why they take the good ones and that kind of thing, or it could have gone
09;38;12;15 – 09;38;06;19
Aaron
there and sometimes it starts there. But our conversation then started going, Hey, you.
09;38;06;19 – 09;38;05;07
Jon
Remember when, you know.
09;38;04;18 – 09;37;52;24
Aaron
Like, Oh man, you know, and this is what I love about him, his smile and the way you hug. And then I told him, I said, Man, I got a few years back before he retired. I guess he let me run his PE class.
09;37;52;24 – 09;37;40;14
Aaron
That was like. And he is really, what’s that like? And I said, Mr. Nelson says to me, Erin, you can do whatever you want. And I said, OK, I want the roller boards and I want to play dodgeball.
09;37;40;13 – 09;37;27;16
Aaron
He says, Let’s do it, you know? And I was just having a blast, all these elementary kids, you know? And he was laughing on the phone. And it was a celebration. It was like, Man, what a gift that was.
09;37;27;16 – 09;37;10;03
Aaron
And I got it, that we got to know him. And he was in our life. Did it make it? Was it like all rainbows and butterflies? Absolutely not. It was like it was kind of if there’s an ugliness to it, put a beauty in it like a flower in the dirt kind of thing, you know?
09;37;08;24 – 09;36;55;13
Aaron
So we. I I could we could rush past that. It can go real quick, the healing, you know, and and think about the future. How are we going to get passes? How are we going to know? Are we ever going to feel better?
09;36;55;13 – 09;36;43;24
Aaron
Are we ever going to, you know, is it ever going to be right again? Or is it just like, stop pause right now? What am I going to do? What are the things I should do right now? Patience is a healthy transition.
09;36;43;24 – 09;36;29;01
Aaron
I’m of course I’m talking about death, but I think it’s very light. But it’s very it’s not dissimilar to thinking about business transitions and things that will be difficult. It will have little death along the way that will be hard to walk through.
09;36;27;09 – 09;36;07;17
Jon
Yeah, they do things to pull off a little bit one. I think it’s cool because the context I’m hearing is as a child growing up, this was an influential figure. Who then also remained a part of your life for the past 30 years?
09;36;07;08 – 09;35;52;03
Jon
Mm-Hmm. So this has been a lifelong mentor recently, friend. Wow. Which is cool because some like myself have moved around my entire life. As a kid, I was, you know, jumping between houses 23 times a week for years and years and years.
09;35;51;19 – 09;35;35;23
Jon
So it’s like, I can’t imagine moving and all that. So I can’t even fathom, but I can value it. Types of relationships that come from choosing to be stationary and start moving like that geographically. So I really appreciate that.
09;35;33;25 – 09;35;13;16
Jon
And then two on the morning thing. It’s really cool that you guys transition your thoughts like that. And frankly, I think there’s a lesson in it. That is difficult to remember. But unless the person who’s gone right is some incredibly selfish and vindictive son of a gun.
09;35;11;26 – 09;34;54;09
Jon
You know, is that person going to want you to be miserable in spiral and waste yourself? I think that most people, if they care about you at all, would say, like, take your time, do you with you? But then when you remember me, can you remember the good stuff?
09;34;54;02 – 09;34;41;02
Jon
Yeah. And maybe even better when you remember. Mean it feels. Can you try to find the good stuff thinking that maybe motivate you to do better? And, you know, like if I start tomorrow, I would want my family to remember.
09;34;40;00 – 09;34;18;12
Jon
Whatever they see as positive for me, and hopefully that would inspire them to do the same and better, you know, I don’t want them to be miserable and melancholy. My loss. You know, I want them to as quickly as is hopefully possible and through that and live vibrantly.
09;34;18;11 – 09;34;17;05
Jon
Absolutely, you know.
09;34;16;26 – 09;33;58;00
Aaron
And in a world that that’s the way you are. And I think. That is it’s a gift to get to that point and cultivate that. But I also I would agree with you, Jon. I think and it’s not just like what you want to affect, but I can see that you want to be a student.
09;33;58;00 – 09;33;43;25
Aaron
And I think that some of the best parts of really being human. A friend is if you can really look at people and and have a have a mission to be like, what do I look to learn from this person?
09;33;43;10 – 09;33;29;05
Aaron
What do they do? I will tell you every single person you meet has something they’re better at you than that, just because you, you are not complete the complete solution to the human condition. Like, we all have our part, right?
09;33;27;18 – 09;33;08;25
Aaron
I just think that’s a wake up call. You were part of a much more beautiful engine, but there’s like an you can come in and be humble enough to go. That they’re sure they you know, they do this, I don’t like or whatever, but gosh, they’re so good at engaging people.
09;33;08;25 – 09;32;55;11
Aaron
I can tell that when they go up and smile, I want to smile like that guy does. I want to give hugs like that guy. I want to have understanding like that person or patients or whatever those things are.
09;32;54;20 – 09;32;48;01
Aaron
And then and then I want to absorb it enough that people say that about me, right? You know, they want to be better, too.
09;32;47;24 – 09;32;32;09
Jon
And looking at all of that it comes back to, it actually is just so I can’t say when I try to do this, OK, I want it to, but I’d be lying. But it actually ties directly into the idea of like not losing.
09;32;32;09 – 09;32;18;09
Jon
And you can’t control because like in the loss scenario that we just went there, you can’t control what could have should have been right. Right. But it could have shown, yeah, and you can’t control that, but you can control what you can do.
09;32;17;29 – 09;32;06;22
Jon
You know, so whatever happened in the past focused on the back of the day, you can’t bring back. You can’t change anything that you get like that you can do is remember the impossible and a lot you will do something.
09;32;06;19 – 09;31;44;12
Jon
Yes. Yes, you can do something. Yes. I was talking with Kirk, my partner for Source Solutions, which does a quick shout out. We’ve gone quiet on shadows, but we’re not done. And we will be coming back soon. So but we were talking and he he was sharing with me this this poem and I get all of the
09;31;44;12 – 09;31;28;26
Jon
widow’s shadows and curves ran from one tiny did. And I just it’s silly, but I love it because it’s beautiful. It’s like, What matters? What is your hookup? Or it happened? Yeah. You know, I think everyone’s like, Yeah, well, that happened.
09;31;28;07 – 09;31;24;29
Jon
Yeah, it’s cool that you would have ran that, but you ran this.
09;31;24;00 – 09;31;15;15
Aaron
Yes. What’s the other great it’s evil? Will triumph of this? Good men do nothing about it is something to that effect?
09;31;15;06 – 09;31;03;19
Jon
Yeah, that yeah, that’s pretty close to the exact quote, but it’s so true if you if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. And if you’re quiet, then whatever is speaking will drive it. It will grow.
09;31;02;22 – 09;30;44;18
Jon
And that’s even a slightly different thing. But it’s a reminder, like if you were in any situation, something’s wrong. You know, this is something that I had a great point of personal reflection going on. Something happened this last week that was aggravated about, and it is pretty nuanced process, and I realized it was a little awkward.
09;30;44;18 – 09;30;31;12
Jon
I never really know what to do with it, so I just kind of wrote up, Yep, it’s fine. I go and, you know, talking to my wife about it because I was frustrated about the principle matter or just about the, you know, just that.
09;30;31;00 – 09;30;11;12
Jon
And she said, Well, you’re your best chance would have been in the moment when asked. You could have said no and had a conversation, as you’re right. And one thing that I’m and working on is pausing in the moment to ensure that I’m not pushing through something because I’m uncomfortable when I need to just pause and then
09;30;11;12 – 09;29;54;27
Jon
embrace the discomfort to resolution. Yeah. And, you know, hoping I’m getting better at that working, get better being intentional about it. But it’s kind of the same thing. If you’re if you’re arrested, it’s wrong. Don’t say that because if you do it again, it’ll happen again.
09;29;54;07 – 09;29;34;12
Jon
It’s probably worse. And if you don’t think back then, I just say, take some time to reflect. And what humans do and what you’re capable of. Because I think there’s frankly naivete if you don’t do it, if you don’t think that’s true, that needs challenged for your own story.
09;29;34;03 – 09;29;24;01
Aaron
We’ve all we’ve all made a decision like yes or no, it is something that has kept it kept us up at night, and it’s likely it’s because we’re thinking way down the road with that how that decision is going to affect us.
09;29;23;18 – 09;29;07;06
Jon
And just imagine that when your mind does, your interests are challenge the naivete that people are naturally, we are to do good things. But I love this. It’s in there. We’ll steer back. It’s not. It’s not the wild that people do horrible things.
09;29;06;17 – 09;28;41;03
Jon
It’s miraculous that we’re not killing each other. We can sit down in a room peacefully, right? But it’s true. Yeah, I believe the future. Yeah, yeah. So it is interesting because when it all goes into can I invest myself in this in any way and in the moment over time period, in a way that’s not just costing
09;28;40;28 – 09;28;39;18
Jon
, you know, making this change.
09;28;39;08 – 09;28;26;27
Aaron
You have so these boards you looking at. And so as you think about not wasting energy on tomorrow, so it’s don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s not helpful to focus on future.
09;28;26;27 – 09;28;22;26
Jon
Problems and close.
09;28;22;20 – 09;28;07;22
Aaron
And closer, the clearer, the closer to the time that you can affect something that’s clear. The opportunities are to do something about it, so don’t say the first one. Don’t worry about tomorrow, right? So worry, will they’ll be enough?
09;28;07;22 – 09;27;54;19
Aaron
Worry tomorrow, which is true, which is, by the way, has a long history of being true. Let’s be honest with yourself, did you did you have to did worry have to be something you would cultivated? I mean, in your past services, does it benefit you?
09;27;54;12 – 09;27;36;07
Jon
Yeah. You know, to to that one and a reading necessary hangings right now because to say, I’m really enjoying it’s fun. I’ve seen the tool before, but it reminded me of this. If you take a piece of paper in your face and you fold it, half done a long ways and on one side you write everything you
09;27;36;07 – 09;27;17;09
Jon
can’t control, right? And the other side you write down everything you can’t control. And then his recommendation is worry really hard as hard as you can for ten minutes about we can’t control and then stop. You’ve heard enough you can worry about tomorrow if focus on what you can’t control, what ever steps can be towards that?
09;27;16;25 – 09;27;05;20
Jon
And then tomorrow, look at the West again and get your worry out of the way you execute it. And I thought that was really funny, but it’s effective, and I think it comes back to the point of lack of worry.
09;27;05;17 – 09;26;46;07
Jon
And this is, you know, that the highlights I think of our conversation are like, if you’re worrying in expend your energy on that or on details that are reliant on some other change between now and then, or you’re too far out in the weeds, you’re missing the moment you’re missing the ability to invest in the now and
09;26;45;21 – 09;26;39;28
Jon
you’re going to feel more frantic and disillusioned in expenditure.
09;26;39;19 – 09;26;19;14
Aaron
Have you ever tried to little worrier? It’s the worst. Right? I mean, just you know who you are? Yeah. But yeah, because they’re so stubborn like everything is. No, I can’t. What if all this kind of thing it reminds me of?
09;26;18;21 – 09;26;05;09
Aaron
We both have small kids, right? And sometimes they get so wound up and they’re like frantic and all this because of it, you need them on mission to do something. And inevitably, sometimes a cure is like, OK, and you go outside and get out of your system.
09;26;04;27 – 09;25;48;05
Aaron
Yeah, but in 15, 30 minutes, we’re going to be back. Like, worrying to me is that it’s like this frenetic energy that doesn’t really have a direction. It’s just it’s just oppositional. And and it doesn’t. It doesn’t come alongside a clear mind.
09;25;47;15 – 09;25;42;10
Aaron
It has to really be put to death. Like, don’t you got to get that out so we can get going?
09;25;42;01 – 09;25;30;07
Jon
And to that, like as a mental picture, right? Whether it’s a goal or whether it’s the timeline, it’s like, OK, today to the next week, let’s go back to the timeline. You said three year, four today through next week.
09;25;30;07 – 09;25;28;01
Jon
I want to go from Cliff. Listen.
09;25;27;16 – 09;25;26;15
Aaron
Crystal crystal clear.
09;25;26;14 – 09;25;04;00
Jon
You just want to go from crystal clear to clear from today to the week, from the week to the month. I want it to go from clear to slightly less clear from a month to a quarter. I want to go from I can distinguish the shapes clearly, you know, from just under clear jack, extinguish the shades clearly
09;25;03;21 – 09;24;44;17
Jon
. And then from a quarter to a year, I I know I can see the landmarks right. And then from that year to the 23, 5:10 year goals is, I know the direction, right? That kind of scaling level of clarity also will help dictate what you can focus on, right?
09;24;44;08 – 09;24;31;11
Jon
Because if you know the direction, no matter how hard you share that direction, you can’t see. Ten years down the road, I can’t. So it’s like, OK, that’s helpful for me to look at when I see someone to scale it down and spend more energy on more.
09;24;31;05 – 09;24;29;20
Jon
The more I can see, the more energy I spend.
09;24;29;11 – 09;24;13;27
Aaron
Well, and that’s it. That’s the thing. Because you talk about worry, it’s not worry doesn’t rob the future. It robs the present. Yeah. And so I mean, you can’t even get started once more if worries in the way things were, if worries in the way things were, if we’re.
