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011. TGT: Beyond Survival _ Rick Clapp

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011. TGT: Beyond Survival _ Rick Clapp Be Relentless

Episode 11 from The Grit Theory. Today we are joined by Rick Clapp. During our conversation we explore leadership, work life balance, and how to live abundantly. Our time together uncovers nugget after nugget of insight and wisdom. Rick is a husband of 27 years, father of 6, and founder of "Beyond Survival".  Highlights from this episode include: – Theory of Constraints.- The importance of self regulation.- Leading on Empty, and how to fix it.- Journey towards intentionality. – The 5% Framework- The Red, Yellow, Green Scale. – Living abundantly vs. surviving. – The Power of Full Engagement. – Why we need to learn to combine our personal and professional pursuits. Want to learn more? Check Rick's work out at: BEYOND SURVIVALIf you found value in the show please SHARE IT with someone you care about as well as SUBSCRIBE and RATE IT with a 5-Star Review! Ready to dive deeper? Visit ULAUniverse.com to explore more of the impactful work we're doing. Don't forget to use code 'BERELENTLESS' at checkout to enjoy a 10% discount sitewide!Do you have a question for us, want to be on the show, or have a recommendation for a guest or topic? CONTACT US HERE.We are grateful you joined us! Be Relentless is a Forge Publications LLC production and is proudly co-branded with the Universal Learning Approach. Copyright 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Episode 11 from The Grit Theory.

Today we are joined by Rick Clapp. During our conversation we explore leadership, work life balance, and how to live abundantly. Our time together uncovers nugget after nugget of insight and wisdom. Rick is a husband of 27 years, father of 6, and founder of “Beyond Survival”.  Highlights from this episode include:

– Theory of Constraints.
– The importance of self regulation.
– Leading on Empty, and how to fix it.
– Journey towards intentionality.
– The 5% Framework
– The Red, Yellow, Green Scale.
– Living abundantly vs. surviving.
– The Power of Full Engagement.
– Why we need to learn to combine our personal and professional pursuits.

Want to learn more? Check Rick’s work out at:
BEYOND SURVIVAL

Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT! 

Also, check out Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be waymakers HERE.

Do you want to learn more? Check out:

The Book: Be Relentless: If the obstacle is the way, then we must be WayMakers.

The Podcast: “Be Relentless Podcast”

The Fuel: Sisu Stamina, Performance Evolved

Linktree: Here.


Episode Transcript

08;06;40;10 – 08;06;23;13

Aaron

Well, good morning, everybody, and Grit Theory, we are so glad to be here this morning with a brand new guest. You guys better, better buckle up for this guy because he’s got years and years of difficulty that he’s he’s honed into fantastic pieces of wisdom.

08;06;22;19 – 08;06;08;27

Aaron

We’re going to we’re going to press into my good friend Rick Clapp. Thanks for being here today. Thanks for having me. Rick is a guy worth knowing. I’ve I’ve talked to other people who know Rick and they will say he’s he talks in Proverbs.

08;06;08;27 – 08;06;00;13

Aaron

He speaks just a little quips like, huh? It just causes you pause and not to put too much pressure on you, Rick. I think.

08;06;00;13 – 08;05;59;28

Aaron

It was made.

08;05;59;28 – 08;05;59;17

Aaron

Of glass.

08;05;58;19 – 08;05;45;14

Aaron

But you really are. I mean, Rick has been doing leadership in some in some venues or another for the last 20 plus years. He’s been a husband of 27 years, so bravo there. I’m sure you learned a lot through that as well.

08;05;44;28 – 08;05;37;02

Jon

And a husband or a sort of father of six kids, three boys, three girls. All right. You got a lot of people in your life, but.

08;05;37;02 – 08;05;36;08

Aaron

Activity at the.

08;05;36;08 – 08;05;34;29

Aaron

House, you too.

08;05;34;29 – 08;05;31;00

Jon

I think you’re the first gentleman to be on with more kids than either of us.

08;05;30;25 – 08;05;29;21

Aaron

Oh, yeah, right?

08;05;29;21 – 08;05;26;19

Aaron

Yeah. So we’re no longer with that was good.

08;05;26;15 – 08;05;21;10

Aaron

Yeah, I can be that. We’re going to get lost. We got some very good Premiere.

08;05;21;01 – 08;05;11;13

Aaron

You’re just telling me this is kind of cool. You said your you make a habit when your kids are seniors to do kind of a connection point with them, you know? Yeah, what you’re doing.

08;05;11;08 – 08;05;07;25

Rick

Yeah, my wife and I want to do a senior trip for.

08;05;07;25 – 08;05;04;03

Aaron

Which one of our kiddos and this year is heavy.

08;05;04;02 – 08;05;01;18

Rick

And usually we do. Guys knew the guys.

08;05;01;18 – 08;04;58;18

Aaron

So I’ll do with the boys or girls.

08;04;58;09 – 08;04;55;29

Rick

Yeah, but Abby wants to do backpacking.

08;04;55;23 – 08;04;52;03

Aaron

Which Laura doesn’t do, so I’m excited to get her. So we’re.

08;04;52;03 – 08;04;51;15

Rick

Going to do.

08;04;51;05 – 08;04;48;05

Aaron

A road trip ten days up to the northwest and.

08;04;47;13 – 08;04;46;08

Rick

Live in a van down by the.

08;04;46;08 – 08;04;45;09

Aaron

River. I love it.

08;04;44;23 – 08;04;43;25

Rick

Backpacking and.

08;04;43;16 – 08;04;41;09

Aaron

Really looking forward to that special time with her.

08;04;40;25 – 08;04;37;14

Aaron

That’s excellent. And so I’ve never been where you’re going. You know it is. I’m sorry to.

08;04;37;14 – 08;04;35;20

Aaron

Interrupt or an adventure.

08;04;34;23 – 08;04;31;13

Jon

And you mentioned, did you mention that something bigger than life happens adventure?

08;04;31;09 – 08;04;25;28

Rick

It is. Yeah, we chose to do a band life or has a sink and that maybe a little.

08;04;25;28 – 08;04;23;18

Aaron

Bit of storage and there are equipment in there, but.

08;04;23;05 – 08;04;19;05

Rick

We’ve never done that either. So everything is totally unexpected.

08;04;19;05 – 08;04;16;28

Aaron

We’re just going to, you know, where we’re.

08;04;16;18 – 08;04;15;20

Rick

Plopped down, where we.

08;04;15;20 – 08;04;12;04

Aaron

Want to stay for the night and then uproot and go to the next.

08;04;12;04 – 08;04;06;05

Aaron

one. Excellent shout out Billy ceremony in Texas and best practices for us to pass on to Rick.

08;04;06;04 – 08;04;00;20

Aaron

That’s right. Any tips are welcome. You do not.

08;04;00;07 – 08;03;55;16

Aaron

Have your battery go. That’s one of the ones we got. So let’s make sure that batteries charged up.

08;03;54;10 – 08;03;53;29

Aaron

Yeah.

08;03;53;12 – 08;03;51;09

Aaron

Excellent. So we’re this episode ten and.

08;03;50;15 – 08;03;49;22

Jon

This is episode.

08;03;49;21 – 08;03;33;18

Aaron

eleven, twelve, second episode eleven. And so we’re checking on you. We’ve had some fantastic guys. Yes, so far. And we’ve just been loving what we’ve been learning. Rick, I also want to mention that you run a coaching consulting group, right?

08;03;33;04 – 08;03;30;03

Aaron

And so you you call yourself a leadership survival guide.

08;03;29;29 – 08;03;18;00

Rick

Yeah. Right. I don’t like the title consultant or coach only because of so bland. And so I was talking with friends and because of beyond survival is.

08;03;18;00 – 08;03;06;09

Aaron

The name of our organization. They’re like, What would you do something with survival guide or something like that? And I was like, All right, I’ll try out. Leadership survival guide for a while to see if that sticks or is it too cheesy or whatever.

08;03;05;19 – 08;03;03;23

Rick

So I enjoy coaching.

08;03;03;23 – 08;03;02;28

Aaron

Leaders one on.

08;03;02;28 – 08;03;01;23

Rick

one and.

08;03;01;23 – 08;02;58;16

Aaron

Helping teams the direction of the leadership team retreats.

08;02;57;14 – 08;02;56;20

Rick

Helping businesses.

08;02;56;20 – 08;02;48;24

Aaron

Scale. I use that with some of my Strat ops training and also being an executive pastor for many years.

08;02;47;20 – 08;02;46;10

Rick

But mostly, I want to help.

08;02;46;02 – 08;02;42;21

Aaron

People in organizations go from just surviving but thriving.

08;02;42;14 – 08;02;41;21

Rick

And that is.

08;02;41;21 – 08;02;39;27

Aaron

Different in everyone’s different contexts.

08;02;39;25 – 08;02;36;23

Rick

Yes. And and as you know, and leading in business.

08;02;36;23 – 08;02;26;27

Aaron

There’s ups and downs in people’s personal life. There’s ups and downs. And so it’s a two pronged approach meaning personal, professional or highly integrated, not separated.

08;02;26;27 – 08;02;23;18

Rick

And just really helping people gain skills.

08;02;23;06 – 08;02;20;00

Aaron

So that they feel like they’re thriving and not just a threat.

08;02;19;16 – 08;02;08;07

Aaron

That’s outside. That’s why I like that leadership survival guide, because it kind of gives us feeling like when you’re in leadership, it’s sometimes I feel like and I’m going to get it through this year is the higher up you go.

08;02;08;07 – 08;01;56;17

Aaron

And we all like, you know, as we were young, we were like, Oh, I always want to be the boss or something, and then you are. You go, Man, this is rough. I mean, you’re you’re the point of contact for everything and the ones that you’re the one that gets.

08;01;56;17 – 08;01;49;29

Aaron

All the accolades seem very few in contrast to how many things you’re quote messing up.

08;01;49;23 – 08;01;49;11

Aaron

Right? Yeah.

08;01;49;00 – 08;01;32;14

Jon

Leadership’s always sexy from a distance. And yet when you combine the strong leadership from God with the beyond survival, you can kind of get a tease of. You’re going for their record keeping should be for everyone listening in to shroud, unsubscribe operations, finance or training, OK?

08;01;32;06 – 08;01;23;07

Jon

And then types of organizations that you’re primarily working with and locations of said organizations. Can you provide some context there? Absolutely. Donut shops.

08;01;23;04 – 08;01;19;18

Aaron

Oh yeah. Not yet.

08;01;18;29 – 08;01;16;20

Aaron

Anyone who’s doing donuts let me know.

08;01;15;21 – 08;01;06;12

Rick

It’s it has fallen into three categories model small to medium business leaders. This nonprofit leaders and in.

08;01;05;24 – 08;01;02;02

Aaron

Particular, church staff and church dynamics. And so.

08;01;01;13 – 08;01;00;03

Rick

The small businesses.

08;00;59;27 – 08;00;44;21

Aaron

Those people who are in startups or their business is going really well and they’re getting overwhelmed by all the volume and internally scale. Learn how to scale or they’re just not doing that because they’re stuck doing all the things they don’t want to do versus the things they’re most passionate about.

08;00;44;21 – 08;00;42;00

Aaron

They’re kind of why they started the business in the first place.

08;00;41;02 – 08;00;38;22

Rick

The nonprofit runs a.

08;00;38;15 – 08;00;29;28

Aaron

Startup, and the other one is go on for a while and growing and about ready to scale again. So just needing help structure focus on the most important things.

08;00;28;23 – 08;00;27;01

Rick

And then churches is different dynamics.

08;00;27;01 – 08;00;12;05

Aaron

It can be from leadership development or, as the church head is, it can be the communications pathways, engagement pathways, staff development, culture and just everything I’ve done as an executive pastor is pretty transferable to most churches.

08;00;12;03 – 09;59;58;00

Aaron

Wow. So have you felt like as you sat down with people that you know, if they’re calling you, they’re you know, most of the I mean, me personally, from a leadership perspective, it’s hard for me to be proactive.

09;59;57;16 – 09;59;47;12

Aaron

It’s like by the time I’m calling you, I’m like, I’m in it, you know, is there? Do you feel like you’ve been surprised by anything or is it kind of common what the problems are?

09;59;45;18 – 09;59;43;04

Rick

It’s it’s both because every.

09;59;43;04 – 09;59;40;20

Aaron

Business is unique. Every leader is unique.

09;59;40;19 – 09;59;39;12

Rick

So the dynamics.

09;59;39;09 – 09;59;36;17

Aaron

Of what’s affecting their life are what’s most important to.

09;59;36;17 – 09;59;30;21

Rick

Them is unique, but volume is not unique. So, you know, we.

09;59;30;21 – 09;59;28;12

Aaron

Have this water jar.

09;59;28;12 – 09;59;26;19

Rick

In front of me. It can only hold.

09;59;26;19 – 09;59;19;12

Aaron

Certain amount of hours in the second quarter. As much as I want to do it, it’s going to do everywhere. If I want more water, I need a bigger fucking or something.

09;59;18;26 – 09;59;18;01

Rick

And so there’s.

09;59;18;00 – 09;59;15;21

Aaron

A there’s a theory called a theory of constraints.

09;59;15;15 – 09;59;13;16

Rick

In science, and that.

09;59;13;16 – 09;59;10;07

Aaron

Theory basically just.

09;59;08;24 – 09;59;04;00

Rick

Tells us that, you know, this water jug is is constrained by the.

09;59;04;00 – 09;58;58;13

Aaron

Way it’s made. If you want. If you want more throughput, then you have to create different ways to make that happen.

09;58;58;12 – 09;58;52;11

Rick

So in a business, if someone was not doing slow melodic growth and then all.

09;58;52;11 – 09;58;51;03

Aaron

Of a sudden exploded.

09;58;49;21 – 09;58;48;27

Rick

And there are a.

09;58;48;18 – 09;58;46;15

Aaron

Ton of meetings each day working on their days off.

09;58;45;14 – 09;58;41;24

Rick

King, the mailbox just keeps growing. All these things.

09;58;41;24 – 09;58;40;16

Aaron

Are great signs of.

09;58;40;16 – 09;58;39;01

Rick

Volume and things that are happening.

09;58;39;01 – 09;58;35;20

Aaron

In our business. But on the flip side, that are being burnt out.

09;58;35;19 – 09;58;34;21

Rick

And so that means.

09;58;34;21 – 09;58;18;17

Aaron

That there are systems that you’re using to accomplish what matters most to them to do. Their business isn’t working. So when I talk to someone, they’re either in extreme disarray or so excited that that opportunity is overwhelming. It’s not usually anything in between.

09;58;18;02 – 09;58;16;23

Rick

So the pain is too great.

09;58;16;00 – 09;58;13;18

Aaron

Or the success is overwhelming.

09;58;12;10 – 09;58;11;16

Rick

And I think those are.

09;58;11;16 – 09;58;10;10

Aaron

two motivators already.

09;58;10;07 – 09;58;05;02

Aaron

Just honestly is a great motivator. Yeah. And if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re like, Oh, I can help.

09;58;04;26 – 09;58;04;10

Aaron

I can do it.

09;58;04;10 – 09;58;01;19

Rick

So you’re going to you’re going to keep trying to get.

09;58;01;19 – 09;58;00;03

Aaron

Up early or stay up later.

09;57;59;14 – 09;57;54;20

Rick

You’re going to sacrifice your days off. You’re going to do the hustle, but be in the rat race.

09;57;54;18 – 09;57;52;23

Aaron

Kind of funny how we recreate forever.

09;57;51;21 – 09;57;48;05

Rick

But at the end of the day, you just start coming to your end that, you.

09;57;48;05 – 09;57;47;04

Aaron

Know, you can’t do it all.

09;57;46;16 – 09;57;44;16

Rick

And there’s this great books out.

09;57;44;16 – 09;57;43;26

Aaron

There, and there’s.

09;57;42;20 – 09;57;41;19

Rick

Great wisdom that.

09;57;41;11 – 09;57;36;27

Aaron

Mentors that can just share about how you can lead your business differently.

09;57;35;29 – 09;57;17;06

Aaron

You’ve been the conversations that I’ve had with you over the years. You’re very enticing. Might just do more work harder all the time is that you you are a lot more. You hear a lot more intentional, which I’ve always appreciated about you and adding is not always the solution.

09;57;17;03 – 09;57;03;29

Aaron

Sometimes it’s rarely seems like it seems like now you go, look at what you’re doing right now, you to say, Are you the right guy? Are you? Are you even? You’re pouring in. But have you changed the systems containing it?

09;57;03;26 – 09;57;01;06

Rick

Yeah. Well, the reason why I’m.

09;57;01;06 – 09;56;58;10

Aaron

Intentional now is because in my thirties, I wasn’t.

09;56;57;15 – 09;56;53;01

Rick

And so the thirties I was blowing and going and.

09;56;51;28 – 09;56;47;22

Aaron

Thought I was having a heart attack in the church office so that.

09;56;47;11 – 09;56;43;22

Aaron

This is literal. This is really, you know, you’re not just talking.

09;56;43;18 – 09;56;40;17

Rick

No, no, no, no, no. So so yeah, I came back.

09;56;40;17 – 09;56;39;25

Aaron

From lunch.

09;56;39;25 – 09;56;37;17

Rick

And had this tension in.

09;56;37;17 – 09;56;37;04

Aaron

My.

09;56;35;27 – 09;56;30;12

Rick

I don’t know what, but in my chest went to my colleague and said, Hey, do you have any Tums?

09;56;30;03 – 09;56;20;29

Aaron

You know, I don’t know what’s going on. And he gave me some poems and I had like four and shoot them up in about ten minutes later. It was worse. And then I went back to him and said.

09;56;20;25 – 09;56;20;07

Rick

You know, those.

09;56;20;07 – 09;56;18;23

Aaron

Usually work pretty quickly as.

09;56;18;13 – 09;56;06;23

Rick

They do for me, but you don’t look too good. And I’m like, What do you mean? It’s like you kind of looking pale and green. And while he was saying that it was getting tighter. And he’s like, I think I need to.

09;56;06;23 – 09;56;05;01

Aaron

Call 911. And I was like, No.

09;56;04;04 – 09;56;02;20

Rick

You know, and then it just got.

09;56;02;17 – 09;56;01;08

Aaron

Worse and worse. And so he.

09;56;01;08 – 09;55;58;04

Rick

Called 911. Another body that.

09;55;58;04 – 09;55;48;19

Aaron

Was on staff was a previously empty, so he’s taking my pulse and they’re like, You need to lay down. And I literally think I’m going to die. So I’m like, I’m not lying down.

09;55;48;02 – 09;55;46;05

Aaron

And I don’t know what’s going on. I’m staying up.

09;55;45;17 – 09;55;43;06

Rick

And so the ambulance.

09;55;43;06 – 09;55;41;05

Aaron

Arrives, the EMT that’s like.

09;55;40;29 – 09;55;40;05

Rick

You know, read.

09;55;40;05 – 09;55;38;09

Aaron

Your heart and they give me aspirin.

09;55;37;19 – 09;55;36;01

Rick

And taken vital.

09;55;36;01 – 09;55;29;25

Aaron

Signs and so forth. And then it just stopped immediately. Just like relented.

09;55;29;03 – 09;55;22;23

Rick

And I was like, so relieved, and then the guy the EMT was like, How are you feeling?

09;55;22;23 – 09;55;20;12

Aaron

I was like, Wait until challenger disaster really works.

09;55;19;00 – 09;55;18;07

Aaron

Let’s call it up.

09;55;17;21 – 09;55;16;14

Rick

And he’s like, Well, your.

09;55;16;13 – 09;55;10;10

Aaron

Numbers don’t look too good. We got to take you in the ambulance. And I was like, OK, whatever you need to do, I’m doing.

09;55;09;19 – 09;55;06;13

Rick

And you know, I’m feeling so alive.

09;55;06;13 – 09;55;01;24

Aaron

Because I was so fearful of dying and watching. Just turn the siren on to war, you know.

09;55;01;04 – 09;55;00;14

Rick

Like, no, you’re.

09;55;00;14 – 09;54;57;28

Aaron

Not in an emergency. And I go into.

09;54;57;28 – 09;54;48;16

Aaron

The fear we all we’re going to tell me I’m dying to show up. That’s right. Go to lieutenant. Please make this more exciting. Yeah, more and more.

09;54;47;11 – 09;54;46;14

Rick

But that.

09;54;46;14 – 09;54;44;28

Aaron

Experience, when.

09;54;44;28 – 09;54;44;14

Rick

My wife.

09;54;44;14 – 09;54;39;24

Aaron

Walked into the room, I looked at her and I said, Disney doesn’t get any clearer than this.

09;54;38;29 – 09;54;34;06

Rick

And I just knew that how I was living life, particularly, I think the job.

09;54;34;00 – 09;54;27;05

Aaron

Was hard on me and how I was allowing it to be hard on me, so. That experience took me on a different journey.

09;54;26;23 – 09;54;25;00

Rick

And it turned out to be spasms of.

09;54;25;00 – 09;54;16;10

Aaron

The esophagus, which I’m told uses all the nerves that your heart would use in a heart attack, so obviously got to experience a heart attack without having twice.

09;54;15;27 – 09;54;14;16

Rick

And I stayed the night in.

09;54;14;16 – 09;54;09;10

Aaron

The hospital and I did a stress test on blah blah to make sure I could leave.

09;54;07;07 – 09;54;04;23

Rick

But it changed me in that I.

09;54;04;23 – 09;54;02;16

Aaron

Am not regulating myself very well and.

09;54;02;07 – 09;54;01;14

Rick

My body.

09;54;01;14 – 09;54;00;05

Aaron

Is telling me something.

09;54;00;05 – 09;53;58;26

Rick

That my mind was.

09;53;58;25 – 09;53;53;10

Aaron

Telling. It was doing other things and I was pressing it to the limit where it says enough.

09;53;53;04 – 09;53;49;03

Rick

And so I laid myself.

09;53;49;03 – 09;53;44;06

Aaron

Off a week later and that our staff was going through layoffs at the time.

09;53;44;04 – 09;53;41;15

Rick

And. Laura and I had.

09;53;41;15 – 09;53;31;04

Aaron

Already had an anniversary trip planned that weekend. So that happened on a Monday released on a Tuesday. We went up to and like on her Colorado on a Saturday.

09;53;30;06 – 09;53;29;11

Rick

And we’re like, we don’t have.

09;53;29;11 – 09;53;26;05

Aaron

A job, but we know that this time is ending, so we.

09;53;25;26 – 09;53;18;08

Rick

Resigned. And I started a new journey and I was handed a book called Leading on.

09;53;18;08 – 09;53;00;05

Aaron

Empty by Wayne Cordeiro from a friend. And I just drink that book up because it’s basically his journey of burnout. And I just resonated with it. And out of that book, birth of a new philosophy that I started living and trying.

09;53;00;05 – 09;52;59;15

Aaron

And so.

09;52;58;18 – 09;52;57;07

Rick

That journey started.

09;52;57;07 – 09;52;52;07

Aaron

Me on a journey of intentionality and learning boundaries and how to regulate myself.

09;52;52;05 – 09;52;50;16

Rick

And in the.

09;52;50;16 – 09;52;45;10

Aaron

Order of things I said was most valuable, but they and they in reality weren’t being able.

09;52;44;13 – 09;52;19;15

Aaron

So you. There’s someone out there is wondering because we talk about not quitting. And what you did was you’re you’re quitting. But it wasn’t like you weren’t throwing your hands up like it was their problem. That was I think that’s the real difference here because we can leave a job and go the jobs that yeah, but you

09;52;19;15 – 09;52;14;18

Aaron

you’re saying, I’m not. There’s something wrong with how I’m running.

09;52;14;02 – 09;52;11;04

Rick

If I’m a victim, I can say it’s the job and they did this.

09;52;11;04 – 09;52;08;02

Aaron

And I’m sure there were emotions there, but.

09;52;06;23 – 09;52;05;27

Rick

As I’ve gotten.

09;52;05;27 – 09;51;59;26

Aaron

Older, I realize I’m responsible for me. I’m responsible for my emotions, are responsible for my decisions.

09;51;59;26 – 09;51;57;28

Rick

And the reality.

09;51;57;28 – 09;51;57;14

Aaron

Was.

09;51;57;06 – 09;51;54;25

Rick

I wasn’t choosing to.

09;51;54;22 – 09;51;49;26

Aaron

Draw lines in the sand and have boundaries, and I wasn’t honoring what I said was most important.

09;51;49;04 – 09;51;47;20

Rick

And I was allowing other.

09;51;47;20 – 09;51;42;22

Aaron

Conflicts to happen. I was just sacrificing the things that was most important to me.

09;51;41;09 – 09;51;40;23

Rick

And I was.

09;51;40;23 – 09;51;39;27

Aaron

Paying the price.

09;51;39;00 – 09;51;33;13

Aaron

So what was being, what was being put aside? What were the.

09;51;33;13 – 09;51;29;26

Rick

Family? You know, something came up and I need.

09;51;29;26 – 09;51;21;25

Aaron

To meet with someone. I’ve sacrificed an evening to do that, whether it was mission critical or not, and most likely wasn’t.

09;51;20;25 – 09;51;19;17

Rick

Sometimes weekends.

09;51;19;17 – 09;51;17;03

Aaron

Weekend can just as kind of rolling.

09;51;16;25 – 09;51;15;00

Rick

And running, all for the sake of good.

09;51;15;00 – 09;51;12;27

Aaron

Things happening, other people.

09;51;12;26 – 09;51;07;27

Rick

But in my opinion, my family at that.

09;51;07;27 – 09;51;06;05

Aaron

Time was just four little ones.

09;51;06;04 – 09;51;04;00

Rick

You know, was being.

09;51;04;00 – 09;51;00;28

Aaron

Sacrificed, but a lot more burden of war.

09;50;59;00 – 09;50;56;03

Rick

And just missing out on things. And so some of it was.

09;50;56;03 – 09;50;51;10

Aaron

Maybe a way to. Adapt or.

09;50;49;22 – 09;50;49;09

Rick

Kind of.

09;50;49;00 – 09;50;45;25

Aaron

Deflect what was going on or like things were too hard.

09;50;44;18 – 09;50;43;17

Aaron

Or right, that.

09;50;43;17 – 09;50;40;23

Rick

Kind of thing, but the cumulative effect.

09;50;40;02 – 09;50;39;05

Aaron

Is what was really.

09;50;38;28 – 09;50;26;07

Aaron

Hurting. A lot of guys do that. I think it’s like, it’s easy. Yeah, work is easy. Don’t kid yourself. I’m tired. It’s really hard. It’s like it’s not as hard as some of your family. Yeah. Change your schedule up.

09;50;25;27 – 09;50;25;17

Aaron

Yeah.

09;50;24;25 – 09;50;18;28

Rick

And we did things as a family. It’s just I don’t I think I bought into the.

09;50;18;28 – 09;50;15;08

Aaron

Lie that if you’re going to be successful, whatever that was.

09;50;14;10 – 09;50;13;17

Rick

That you only.

09;50;13;17 – 09;50;02;21

Aaron

Have to do the hustle. And so the rat race in my mind was burning me out. It wasn’t necessarily bringing about the fruit that I wanted.

09;50;02;14 – 09;50;00;28

Rick

And living differently.

09;50;00;20 – 09;49;55;20

Aaron

I’m way more content with what I’m experiencing now and.

09;49;54;17 – 09;49;54;03

Rick

You know.

09;49;53;10 – 09;49;49;25

Aaron

Methodical success to me is is a win as well.

09;49;49;01 – 09;49;28;23

Jon

Well, there’s an important distinction going to be in that think it’s bound in who is defining success, right? And what the heck is the success? You know, if you allow your culture, your peers or whatever to define success, then I think you find yourself more in that position that you’re describing until you take that intentional step to

09;49;28;23 – 09;49;10;11

Jon

say, no, I’m going to define successes for myself. And once you do, that frees you right. It frees you to be able to redefine your life and what the pursuit of those things will be. And in doing so kind of accomplished some things for where I think the conversation is going to go away from the am I

09;49;10;10 – 09;49;04;11

Jon

having a heart attack to a more balanced existence that still high yield and high producing?

09;49;01;29 – 09;48;53;05

Aaron

You talk about exercising and dieting, but your body is having a physiological response to just emotional. Yeah, it’s a whole nother level that.

09;48;53;05 – 09;48;52;18

Rick

Is derived.

09;48;52;17 – 09;48;46;24

Aaron

From an effect on me was, you know, I didn’t necessarily realize what I chose to ignore.

09;48;45;29 – 09;48;44;21

Rick

And there was.

09;48;44;05 – 09;48;40;10

Aaron

A paragraph in the leading on MTV that says.

09;48;39;21 – 09;48;39;02

Rick

85.

09;48;39;02 – 09;48;33;27

Aaron

Percent of what you and I do, somebody else can do. And when I read that at first I was like.

09;48;32;16 – 09;48;32;06

Aaron

You know.

09;48;31;24 – 09;48;28;05

Rick

And it was it was a revelation of my, I.

09;48;28;05 – 09;48;27;07

Aaron

Think, my four eyes.

09;48;27;05 – 09;48;25;16

Rick

And then, he says, with enough.

09;48;25;14 – 09;48;17;19

Aaron

Educational experience, another 10% of your life someone else can do. But there’s really only 5% of your life that only you can do.

09;48;17;02 – 09;48;15;29

Rick

Any work down.

09;48;15;22 – 09;48;00;25

Aaron

Only you can be should be the husband to your wife when you can be the dad to your kids. Or you can be the friend to your friends. Only you can regulate your health and all. You can have your spiritual walks.

09;48;00;25 – 09;47;59;04

Aaron

Okay, have it for you, right?

09;47;58;23 – 09;47;57;10

Rick

And so that’s.

09;47;56;06 – 09;47;47;18

Aaron

Reality. After I’ve marinated it on it for a while and thought about it was actually, I think he’s right in those five areas.

09;47;46;10 – 09;47;40;08

Rick

I’m not proud of. Honestly. So I took that framework.

09;47;39;27 – 09;47;35;15

Aaron

That 5% framework and I just started practicing it.

09;47;34;04 – 09;47;32;04

Rick

Been trying to do it well.

09;47;31;16 – 09;47;19;09

Aaron

And I would set a sheet with what I’d hope that would happen in each one of those areas and this kind of group. It’s one of the tools I use and coaching others like How are you in these areas?

09;47;19;09 – 09;47;05;23

Aaron

Are you? Are you thriving or experiencing the life? With your wife, with your kiddos, in your health and spiritual walk, and particularly in your friendships, because this thing to erode as you get older.

09;47;05;21 – 09;46;47;13

Aaron

Right? The Nintendo Yeah. And John, you’re saying setting those priorities like that when you do the priorities and you think about a 5% situation like where you get real, feel about it, what only can I do? Well, there’s your list and you have to guard it.

09;46;47;03 – 09;46;34;24

Jon

There’s it’s kind of like the second mountain, right? So there’s this wonderful book by David Brooks called The second Mountain and the entire premises. You know, even my culture kind of shown this. You know what success looks like.

09;46;34;24 – 09;46;17;07

Jon

It’s, you know, getting a salary. It’s accomplishing its status. You know, getting married, buying your house, all these things. Well, if you’re ambitious and you’re driven, you accomplish those things fairly early, right? And now where you climb out of certain things, you know, maybe you’re in a in a position where you have to go further to get

09;46;17;06 – 09;46;02;20

Jon

those things done right. But at some point, once you accomplish that, you, regardless of your age, you kind of hit this like, So what? Now I’m here. What’s coming next? You know, and that’s where it’s interesting because you look at the Olympic athletes from a football player to win the Super Bowl.

09;46;01;16 – 09;45;50;21

Jon

If they’re not mentally prepared for this just being a milestone and not the end state, they hit this period of depression and there’s a lot of stories that surround that’s true in business, like anywhere where there is a finish line find.

09;45;50;19 – 09;45;36;18

Jon

Yeah. If they see that as like their point of being, everything is focused on accomplishing that all. And there’s not the perspective that this is milestone. And when they hit that, this explosion of sitting there? Yes. And then they’re going to shower and the high comes down.

09;45;36;08 – 09;45;18;20

Jon

No. Wait. Now what? What’s my purpose? What am I doing after this concept of the second mountain? Because it’s like, OK, you accomplished the things you need to do to have a fairly stable existence, right? You are. Quote unquote successful by most, by most terms.

09;45;18;04 – 09;45;06;14

Jon

Now let me know what is going to drive you to continue living in this, you know? And then I hear a lot of that in your five or 5%. I mean, which I love is like, how are these relationships right?

09;45;05;29 – 09;44;46;03

Jon

Because if if you’re successful enough that you’re not worried about necessity and your relationships are, well, now, you’re really poised to not only find an ideal worth spending your life in the pursuit of, but actually pursuing it in that ideal becomes that second marriage in that framework that we just described.

09;44;46;02 – 09;44;45;11

Aaron

It’s really good.

09;44;45;06 – 09;44;44;00

Rick

And you bring up a point.

09;44;42;12 – 09;44;41;25

Aaron

Where.

09;44;41;10 – 09;44;40;02

Rick

With success is usually.

09;44;40;02 – 09;44;25;09

Aaron

Measured in pass or fail, you either accomplish that or did it. And I feel like it’s important with the 5% something I try to add. It’s later on. It’s like it’s not. Is my relationship with law a pass or fail or a number one through five?

09;44;25;09 – 09;44;23;18

Aaron

It’s really is it red, yellow or green?

09;44;22;19 – 09;44;21;01

Rick

Red means it’s not doing well.

09;44;21;01 – 09;44;18;10

Aaron

Something’s broken. We’re actually, well yellow as.

09;44;17;21 – 09;44;15;08

Rick

We’re doing pretty good, but it’s not. It’s not the best.

09;44;15;05 – 09;44;10;10

Aaron

Maybe sometimes sputtering along and then claim we’re having a thriving marriage we enjoy.

09;44;09;25 – 09;44;03;16

Rick

It doesn’t mean that you don’t have hardships, and I just think in life those five areas could become.

09;44;03;08 – 09;44;01;28

Aaron

Sometimes I approach leaders.

09;44;01;08 – 09;43;59;12

Rick

And they and I send them my five.

09;43;59;12 – 09;43;54;04

Aaron

Percent list so they can see as an example, I was not for you to top yourself to help spur your thoughts on.

09;43;53;18 – 09;43;49;22

Rick

But it’s not goal setting per se, meaning I need to work.

09;43;49;22 – 09;43;47;26

Aaron

Out three times a week for my health plan.

09;43;47;17 – 09;43;45;24

Rick

You may need to, but is that truly.

09;43;45;24 – 09;43;44;25

Aaron

Life giving to you?

09;43;44;05 – 09;43;41;25

Rick

Because if you’re not doing life, giving things in those.

09;43;41;25 – 09;43;37;21

Aaron

Lines will just become a burden, then back into success or fail.

09;43;37;00 – 09;43;29;02

Rick

Lane versus, you know, Lauren, I love the beach. How do we get to the beach together? That that would be a win, and it’s something that.

09;43;29;02 – 09;43;24;28

Aaron

Helps our relationship and we just grow closer together with my.

09;43;24;28 – 09;43;21;05

Rick

Kiddos. It might be, you know, throwing the.

09;43;21;05 – 09;43;18;01

Aaron

Ball out in the backyard of our bar. Something’s on the grill.

09;43;18;01 – 09;43;17;24

Rick

And.

09;43;17;24 – 09;43;07;10

Aaron

Catching up on your day. That’s very life giving to me. I assume it is to them. But that’s the reason why I like to do it is because I enjoy hearing what’s going on in their life and is refreshing to me.

09;43;06;22 – 09;43;04;29

Rick

But it would be a fail.

09;43;04;29 – 09;42;58;17

Aaron

If I said two times I have to go for the ball in the back and I don’t really care. But that’s what being a good dad. You know.

09;42;57;22 – 09;42;52;16

Rick

I think that’s nice because you’re making time, but it’s not fully rooted.

09;42;52;16 – 09;42;45;11

Aaron

It’s an authentic because it’s complementary versus I really want to spend time. I want to spend time with my friends.

09;42;44;29 – 09;42;44;05

Rick

I want to make sure.

09;42;44;05 – 09;42;37;01

Aaron

That there’s a monthly time on our calendar that we know we can count on, that we’re going in together if that’s what it takes for us to cross paths.

09;42;36;25 – 09;42;13;12

Aaron

I’m going to ask a question for me. Can you say that? What is how do you identify the difference between unknowable life-giving thing and one that maybe you should think about releasing, you know, because you might somebody say, you know, a life giving for me is going away every weekend for fishing trips when they have a family

09;42;13;12 – 09;42;03;00

Aaron

back home or, yeah, you know, how do you temper? Making sure you get the life giving, make sure you’re getting filled up as an individual, but at the same time doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

09;42;03;00 – 09;42;01;28

Aaron

Get the correct question.

09;42;01;28 – 09;41;56;20

Rick

And I think you’ll hear me say a lot. It’s both right, because if you were to measure.

09;41;56;20 – 09;41;50;01

Aaron

Regular green and you’re going fishing every Saturday, you know, how are you pouring into your family?

09;41;49;09 – 09;41;42;29

Rick

Maybe you are on a Tuesday night and a Thursday night. It just depends on your rhythm. And I think this is.

09;41;42;29 – 09;41;42;10

Aaron

Where.

09;41;41;17 – 09;41;41;04

Rick

Divine.

09;41;41;04 – 09;41;37;29

Aaron

Design comes into play. And wearing your own armor.

09;41;37;04 – 09;41;35;28

Rick

There’s a lot of things in life.

09;41;35;28 – 09;41;27;23

Aaron

We’re just placed on those that you ought to do this and you have to do this. And I think some of those are based on religious principles. And then, you know, there’s some wisdom in there.

09;41;27;01 – 09;41;24;27

Rick

But then on the flip side, you’re unique.

09;41;24;05 – 09;41;21;01

Aaron

God’s designs are unique. There’s a divine design in you.

09;41;21;01 – 09;41;19;10

Rick

And and I.

09;41;19;10 – 09;41;11;15

Aaron

Believe those those passions, those preferences, those dreams are uniquely yours. We might have some similar points.

09;41;10;25 – 09;41;09;03

Rick

And so to me, customizing.

09;41;09;03 – 09;41;04;27

Aaron

How you accomplish what’s most important to you, according to you.

09;41;04;00 – 09;41;03;15

Rick

Or I.

09;41;03;15 – 09;41;01;04

Aaron

Heard a phrase that says, you know.

09;41;01;01 – 09;41;00;05

Rick

Do more things that.

09;41;00;05 – 09;40;57;22

Aaron

Help you feel like who you are.

09;40;56;29 – 09;40;56;17

Rick

And it’s.

09;40;56;17 – 09;40;55;19

Aaron

Just like, All.

09;40;55;19 – 09;40;55;01

Rick

Right, how do.

09;40;55;01 – 09;40;53;03

Aaron

I play to my strengths in a sense?

09;40;52;15 – 09;40;50;06

Rick

So, you know, you do need to be.

09;40;50;06 – 09;40;48;20

Aaron

Able to go away guilt free.

09;40;47;27 – 09;40;44;14

Rick

And it be life giving. But it isn’t. It isn’t optional.

09;40;44;14 – 09;40;38;26

Aaron

That you live life giving wise and your life doesn’t write for an example. So it’s like, Well.

09;40;38;04 – 09;40;36;08

Rick

You know, what’s life giving to war and.

09;40;36;08 – 09;40;34;00

Aaron

How do I as a husband help through that for her.

09;40;33;10 – 09;40;30;11

Rick

Because we believe in life giving? So it might be.

09;40;30;02 – 09;40;20;19

Aaron

A 24 hour trip, just in a hotel or a girls trip, and that’s like giving to her and mine might be going with some guys, you know?

09;40;20;15 – 09;40;18;00

Rick

And to me, it’s not.

09;40;17;21 – 09;40;13;29

Aaron

Early on in marriage. It would be a tussle or negotiation.

09;40;13;18 – 09;40;08;21

Rick

It’s like whatever I do, I have to do this. And some of that, I think is fair is unfair that.

09;40;08;21 – 09;40;07;16

Aaron

The husband gets there thinking, that.

09;40;07;09 – 09;40;00;17

Rick

Doesn’t. But then on the flip side, I think. Man, when she’s in her life-giving lane, I benefit our family.

09;40;00;17 – 09;39;59;29

Aaron

Benefits.

09;39;59;09 – 09;39;58;29

Rick

And I.

09;39;58;29 – 09;39;55;16

Aaron

Want to see her alive just as much as I want to be alive.

09;39;55;01 – 09;39;53;23

Rick

But what makes that what.

09;39;53;23 – 09;39;52;16

Aaron

Makes her alive is different?

09;39;52;08 – 09;39;50;13

Rick

So customizing is.

09;39;50;07 – 09;39;48;27

Aaron

Is where I think escape is a.

09;39;48;27 – 09;39;36;11

Jon

Question for that. What if the partner doesn’t want to break away to do this life giving things? Have you experienced that and how do you hope? Overcome that for the benefits of reassessing.

09;39;36;03 – 09;39;32;22

Rick

Yeah, well, I think if it’s on mom not wanting.

09;39;32;22 – 09;39;23;23

Aaron

To pass away, I think some of us understanding who she is and some of the motives of why it could be like if I leave, there’ll be more work for me.

09;39;23;14 – 09;39;22;16

Rick

To do in academics.

09;39;22;15 – 09;39;20;04

Aaron

I like my life. You know, it’s not worth it.

09;39;20;03 – 09;39;14;15

Rick

The exchanges are worth it. Something that can be personality. You know, my wife is.

09;39;14;15 – 09;39;09;14

Aaron

Very detail oriented, perfectionist, law abiding citizen.

09;39;09;00 – 09;39;01;24

Rick

I’m not any of those things, but. And she will. You know, the belief is, you want something done.

09;39;01;20 – 09;38;59;18

Aaron

You get it. You do it yourself. You want it done well.

09;38;59;05 – 09;38;57;01

Rick

And I think, well, that’s.

09;38;57;01 – 09;38;52;05

Aaron

True if it’s just something I can control. But if it’s all in, this is unrealistic.

09;38;51;19 – 09;38;49;06

Rick

So to me, it’s kind of like, you know, what about.

09;38;49;06 – 09;38;47;19

Aaron

Bob baby steps in the law if.

09;38;47;16 – 09;38;46;11

Rick

Creating art? Let’s just.

09;38;46;11 – 09;38;44;11

Aaron

Try something to do, you know.

09;38;43;24 – 09;38;39;04

Rick

That then will help work because I’ve found and this is true of leaders.

09;38;39;04 – 09;38;38;17

Aaron

And coaching.

09;38;37;02 – 09;38;30;29

Rick

They can be overwhelmed, and a lot of them are high type type personalities.

09;38;30;29 – 09;38;26;29

Aaron

And this or a whatever the right terminology is.

09;38;26;29 – 09;38;26;02

Rick

And all the.

09;38;26;02 – 09;38;24;17

Aaron

Balloon strings are attached to them.

09;38;23;21 – 09;38;22;29

Rick

And the reality.

09;38;22;29 – 09;38;21;14

Aaron

Is, is they need to entrust.

09;38;20;25 – 09;38;19;12

Rick

But they’re scared that the.

09;38;19;12 – 09;38;15;21

Aaron

Systems that they entrusted or the person they entrusted to isn’t going to work.

09;38;15;07 – 09;38;14;23

Rick

The mines can.

09;38;14;23 – 09;38;13;29

Aaron

Create double work.

09;38;13;04 – 09;37;59;24

Rick

So to me, it’s like, All right, well, that’s fair because I understand that. So let’s let’s figure out a way to create some trust. So it is an all or nothing. Let’s take a few baby steps, small wins.

09;37;59;23 – 09;37;57;01

Aaron

I think a great book for this is called Atomic Habits.

09;37;55;16 – 09;37;52;13

Rick

And it’s just these little bitty steps that get you down the road.

09;37;52;07 – 09;37;50;02

Aaron

I find it so hard to go back to your question.

09;37;49;10 – 09;37;46;29

Rick

John, I would say, Well, I don’t want to have.

09;37;46;29 – 09;37;45;09

Aaron

To convince.

09;37;45;09 – 09;37;38;26

Rick

Everything right now, but I do know that there’s something. So it’s like I got the kids go.

09;37;38;25 – 09;37;30;08

Aaron

I already scheduled a hotel for you, whether you want to watch TV all day or have a friend or whatever. Your arrest or relax, we got this.

09;37;29;19 – 09;37;29;08

Rick

You know.

09;37;29;07 – 09;37;26;08

Aaron

High output, people sometimes just need to be told. Yeah.

09;37;25;22 – 09;37;23;01

Aaron

I just think there’s a trust in the fly in the system.

09;37;23;01 – 09;37;19;04

Rick

And and it has to be tested in in pity us if it fails.

09;37;19;04 – 09;37;18;17

Aaron

Right away.

09;37;18;14 – 09;37;13;00

Aaron

Mm hmm. Because then, yeah, because it just reinforces the belief. Yeah.

09;37;12;23 – 09;37;10;27

Rick

But but the reality is, is.

09;37;10;27 – 09;37;09;24

Aaron

That we’re all.

09;37;09;24 – 09;37;06;18

Rick

Finite. We’re all limited, limited.

09;37;06;18 – 09;37;03;11

Aaron

Willpower, limited emotions, limited strength, energy.

09;37;02;16 – 09;36;56;13

Rick

And you know, a man will reach the end of a rope and then she might.

09;36;56;13 – 09;36;50;16

Aaron

Be open to some. That’s where it goes back to that pain or that great success, or we’re willing to change how.

09;36;50;15 – 09;36;32;26

Jon

Much better to get there. Get ahead of that, right? Yeah. You mentioned the concept of trust me, I like it. I’ve always thought of it as delegation, which I think they’re synonymous in the context you described. It became them together, depending on your context, I think was kind of like, 00, I love love that.

09;36;31;08 – 09;36;15;03

Jon

But feeling the connotation of entrusting, you know, whether it’s in the home, it’s like, you know, growing your brain trust in me that kids are crying. We can get out of here, right? Or it’s I’m going to entrust my team member in the workplace to take on this project, right?

09;36;14;26 – 09;36;00;03

Jon

There’s. I imagine if it’s like, hey, here’s your new task versus have entrusted with this project. It almost imparts ownership in a way that’s not how wonderful. Yeah, it’s an empowering way of saying Here you go, which I really like.

09;35;59;26 – 09;35;59;10

Jon

Yeah, yeah.

09;35;58;06 – 09;35;50;05

Aaron

And its act of surrender on the leader to the mom or the dad or whatever secretary I’m going to yield to give us a go.

09;35;49;13 – 09;35;37;19

Aaron

Yeah. Wow. So that’s so when you look at those who are starting to burn out or they’re they’re coming to the end of themselves and we’re talking a little bit of strategy on how to combat that ahead of time.

09;35;36;27 – 09;35;24;06

Aaron

I like what you said about giving it, doing life, giving figure out what you have. That’s life giving and make sure you have those in there. Had a conversation prior to me that was like a lightbulb because I’m thinking what?

09;35;23;11 – 09;35;09;11

Aaron

I think a lot of guys will do this to itself. Just be like they’ll fall into what if I just do all the things I’m supposed to be doing, then that’s life. And then in there, it’s sort of like this martyrdom that you put out.

09;35;09;03 – 09;35;02;12

Aaron

It’s like five hours deny myself all the time, but it will catch up to you. Yeah, if you’re not giving anything back to yourself.

09;35;02;01 – 09;34;59;22

Rick

Yeah, there’s tons of.

09;34;59;22 – 09;34;56;19

Aaron

Writings and studies on energy and managing energy.

09;34;56;13 – 09;34;50;25

Rick

But I, I are beyond survival is kind of.

09;34;50;25 – 09;34;42;23

Aaron

Based off of a verse. John 1010, where it says the thief comes the steal can destroy. But I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly.

09;34;41;29 – 09;34;40;16

Rick

And I spent time thinking about what.

09;34;40;16 – 09;34;29;04

Aaron

Does that word life mean and what does abundance mean in my experiencing abundant life? Or am I just surviving as one right? And what you’re describing is more surviving, right?

09;34;28;25 – 09;34;22;21

Rick

And honestly, in my burnout journey, I didn’t really know what was life giving to me. So Laura and I both.

09;34;22;21 – 09;34;20;27

Aaron

Did this exercise. We took a piece of paper.

09;34;20;09 – 09;34;18;16

Rick

We drew a line down the middle and on the.

09;34;18;16 – 09;34;17;14

Aaron

Left side as like, write.

09;34;17;14 – 09;34;13;01

Rick

Everything that’s like giving every person geography place thing in.

09;34;13;01 – 09;34;11;24

Aaron

Our lives, its life giving.

09;34;11;00 – 09;34;09;19

Rick

And then on the other side.

09;34;09;05 – 09;34;06;29

Aaron

Everything that is life sucking and depleting.

09;34;05;14 – 09;34;03;09

Rick

Relationships, things, people.

09;34;03;00 – 09;34;01;08

Aaron

Responsibilities, whatever it was.

09;34;00;15 – 09;33;57;13

Rick

We did that separately and then we came together.

09;33;57;10 – 09;33;56;01

Aaron

So no peeking, no peeking.

09;33;55;25 – 09;33;54;17

Aaron

Yeah. You know, like why?

09;33;53;25 – 09;33;53;01

Aaron

I thought your.

09;33;51;29 – 09;33;48;12

Rick

It’s a side story. Help me remember to talk about.

09;33;47;28 – 09;33;46;00

Aaron

Someone I’m coaching that I had a good fight.

09;33;43;29 – 09;33;43;10

Rick

But anyway, that’s.

09;33;43;10 – 09;33;42;27

Aaron

Not the point.

09;33;42;14 – 09;33;40;22

Rick

The point is to identify what’s.

09;33;40;22 – 09;33;39;24

Aaron

Truly life giving.

09;33;39;16 – 09;33;38;17

Rick

And then the question.

09;33;38;17 – 09;33;35;14

Aaron

Was, are these things happening on a regular basis?

09;33;34;22 – 09;33;33;27

Rick

And then on.

09;33;33;27 – 09;33;29;05

Aaron

The life the fleeting and was. Is there anything on here that we can go ahead and get rid of right now today?

09;33;28;04 – 09;33;19;05

Jon

Well, I want to jump in real quick on that point because you can you categorize people in relationships in the life giving, life sucking.

09;33;19;00 – 09;33;15;06

Aaron

Mm-Hmm. So let’s just have some fun. All right.

09;33;14;06 – 09;32;57;19

Jon

So what I think that to me is that if you notice that there’s someone in the life giving side, then you want to continue to invest in foster that relationship if they’re on the life sucking side and you’re going to cease investing in that relationship.

09;32;57;16 – 09;32;55;14

Rick

Maybe you definitely if it’s.

09;32;55;14 – 09;32;54;01

Aaron

Personal relationships.

09;32;54;01 – 09;32;53;14

Rick

Meaning.

09;32;53;00 – 09;32;49;04

Aaron

Not work or other reasons why you’re.

09;32;48;26 – 09;32;45;05

Rick

In relationships with one another, then I would say yes, you don’t.

09;32;45;05 – 09;32;38;21

Aaron

Necessarily have to spend as much time in those relationships. Mm-Hmm. You know, everyone always brings up family.

09;32;38;17 – 09;32;37;12

Rick

Which I think is a.

09;32;37;10 – 09;32;35;25

Aaron

Is a real reality.

09;32;35;16 – 09;32;34;20

Rick

And depending on what.

09;32;34;20 – 09;32;33;28

Aaron

Families we come.

09;32;33;28 – 09;32;30;03

Rick

From. But I think there’s healthy boundaries with families.

09;32;30;03 – 09;32;26;09

Aaron

But if you’re just talking about friendships and where I spent our time, we go out to eat with.

09;32;25;23 – 09;32;23;14

Rick

And if it’s not life-giving, then then why are.

09;32;23;14 – 09;32;22;14

Aaron

You going to perpetuate it?

09;32;22;02 – 09;32;20;27

Rick

Now, here’s the.

09;32;20;27 – 09;32;19;27

Aaron

Caveat to it.

09;32;19;07 – 09;32;06;18

Rick

There are people that are put in my life and and and I’m put in their lives where it’s kind of a ministry oriented thing. It’s like, you know, they’re hard to be around, but they need someone.

09;32;06;15 – 09;32;04;14

Aaron

You can walk into what I feel called to be that.

09;32;03;24 – 09;32;02;24

Jon

Kind of part cheese thing.

09;32;02;19 – 09;31;58;04

Rick

Therefore, I choose to engage and I and I and I put it in a category of.

09;31;58;04 – 09;31;56;14

Aaron

Ministry and mentorship, which is.

09;31;56;14 – 09;31;54;01

Rick

OK, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to.

09;31;54;01 – 09;31;51;21

Aaron

Be closest friends. That would be unrealistic.

09;31;51;06 – 09;31;34;15

Jon

So, so based on that to I, probably the best way not to go too far down that path is a highlight what I just heard, and I think there’s some nuggets in it, right? So because managing relationships is difficult, but it’s definitely one of the higher finished items, you know, really more on the art side and the

09;31;34;13 – 09;31;19;17

Jon

side sides of an equation. So, you know, if it’s just a friend or just an acquaintance that you have no ties to unless you’re putting in an interest, life sucking and really questioning why you’re putting into that relationship, you can probably just see your efforts cease and desist.

09;31;19;15 – 09;31;02;18

Jon

Excuse me if if you’re bound to them for some reason, whether it be family or work, you know, there’s an added level of complexity there. And that’s where you just need to be incredibly intentional on defining, creating and adjusting probably mid-flight.

09;31;02;18 – 09;31;01;07

Jon

What healthy boundaries looks like.

09;31;00;18 – 09;30;56;24

Rick

Yeah, I would say another book I read.

09;30;56;24 – 09;30;52;10

Aaron

On the other side of my burnout was called Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud.

09;30;51;04 – 09;30;49;05

Rick

And I read that book to.

09;30;48;24 – 09;30;46;07

Aaron

two to three times a year. And here’s why.

09;30;46;06 – 09;30;44;18

Rick

It gives me objective.

09;30;44;18 – 09;30;38;27

Aaron

Criteria and how to navigate this tougher relationships. And it’s.

09;30;37;20 – 09;30;35;13

Rick

It is about boundaries, it’s about knowing when.

09;30;35;13 – 09;30;27;23

Aaron

You’re dealing with someone who’s foolish versus wise and even evil. It’s, you know, how do you determine something that’s helpful?

09;30;25;18 – 09;30;24;00

Rick

How do you how do you know when something is.

09;30;24;00 – 09;30;22;14

Aaron

Hurtful versus horrible?

09;30;22;02 – 09;30;20;22

Rick

You know, some things might be.

09;30;20;22 – 09;30;16;02

Aaron

Hurtful, but you’re going to heal from it. Things are hard for you to get away from it.

09;30;15;15 – 09;30;10;05

Rick

And so I think that takes time. And anytime you put those boundaries up, there’s going to be.

09;30;10;04 – 09;29;56;10

Aaron

Resistance to it. And I think that’s where some of the relational stress comes on early on in my life because I’m more of a peacemaker personality. I would absorb or relate to what others would want, and I would be the casualty of it.

09;29;55;24 – 09;29;55;05

Rick

And it was just.

09;29;55;05 – 09;29;46;11

Aaron

A pleasing me. More and more this tool this book, which is an easy read, really helped me with criteria of leadership.

09;29;46;08 – 09;29;43;26

Rick

But also in what’s really healthy.

09;29;43;21 – 09;29;42;27

Aaron

Healthy for me.

09;29;42;27 – 09;29;39;22

Rick

And when to call time of death.

09;29;39;22 – 09;29;35;01

Aaron

On something like there. There’s no reason for hope here. Why are you continually perpetuating? Mm-Hmm.

09;29;34;09 – 09;29;29;12

Rick

So I think that that to me, spending time in the chapters.

09;29;29;12 – 09;29;28;09

Aaron

In that book, really.

09;29;27;27 – 09;29;27;04

Rick

I know it shaped.

09;29;27;04 – 09;29;23;06

Aaron

Me, and I always recommend it to anyone I work with because it’s like.

09;29;22;26 – 09;29;21;19

Rick

You need objectivity.

09;29;21;04 – 09;29;18;18

Aaron

Because relationships are so emotional or subjective.

09;29;18;01 – 09;29;13;06

Jon

That’s wonderful. And really? I’m going to actually, I read that I’m going to read out.

09;29;12;13 – 09;29;03;21

Aaron

The toilet and try not to self-diagnosing, giving myself a list right now, trying to sort of be present right now, thinking through all the things like what’s on my list?

09;29;02;28 – 09;29;00;10

Jon

Yeah, I’m excited to do that exercise. I’m going to do that.

09;29;00;04 – 09;28;58;10

Aaron

That’s great. You and your spouse.

09;28;58;10 – 09;28;56;25

Jon

Said did separate and everything.

09;28;56;20 – 09;28;53;14

Aaron

So reminds me. Yeah, so the marriage one. Yes, I caught me off.

09;28;53;14 – 09;28;52;13

Rick

Guard because I’ve never.

09;28;52;13 – 09;28;51;29

Aaron

Had someone.

09;28;51;29 – 09;28;41;23

Rick

Say, you know, we went nuts. I tell her one. Take your list. Go out on a date. It’s a fun activity. And I guess whatever was on their list.

09;28;41;23 – 09;28;41;15

Aaron

Kind of.

09;28;40;29 – 09;28;31;07

Aaron

Triggered something and it was like I was a terrible exercise. You’re the first people I’ve ever heard. It’s just like, how about we.

09;28;30;03 – 09;28;27;03

Rick

Not point like, what you do as a.

09;28;27;03 – 09;28;24;14

Aaron

Wife is life sucking. Those things like, it’s not.

09;28;24;14 – 09;28;23;23

Aaron

Really the point.

09;28;22;29 – 09;28;20;01

Rick

You don’t take one person and do this with life giving and this.

09;28;20;01 – 09;28;17;20

Aaron

Is life sucking about you.

09;28;17;01 – 09;28;11;06

Rick

Life in general. So I think they kind of drill down a little bit, maybe a bit much, but it was insightful.

09;28;11;06 – 09;28;07;13

Aaron

For me to to here because I didn’t expect it, but also the things like, OK.

09;28;07;08 – 09;28;03;08

Rick

I can see how. You know, some tension points.

09;28;03;08 – 09;28;01;21

Aaron

In marriage where you’re like, I.

09;28;01;21 – 09;27;59;10

Rick

Want this. She hates.

09;27;59;10 – 09;27;57;20

Aaron

What I want and.

09;27;57;07 – 09;27;56;01

Rick

Now he’s choosing it.

09;27;56;01 – 09;27;53;03

Aaron

Over me, so therefore he loves that more than he loves me.

09;27;52;17 – 09;27;47;15

Rick

And that’s while actions might convey that it’s actually.

09;27;47;15 – 09;27;39;20

Aaron

Probably not true. He probably needs that to recover. Just happens to be something that she doesn’t want. She wants to talk about everything and he doesn’t.

09;27;39;00 – 09;27;37;06

Rick

And and his way of.

09;27;37;06 – 09;27;28;21

Aaron

Processing life is being eroded slowly over time. And so it still goes back to awareness. Right? Who are you? Where you are?

09;27;27;08 – 09;27;25;14

Rick

And how am I divinely designed?

09;27;25;14 – 09;27;22;08

Aaron

And then how do I play those strengths in making room for that?

09;27;22;05 – 09;27;21;14

Rick

And that’s tough.

09;27;21;14 – 09;27;19;00

Aaron

When you’re you don’t have the maturity to.

09;27;19;00 – 09;27;14;16

Aaron

Handle this conversation, as we have it with right.

09;27;13;24 – 09;26;52;29

Jon

It’s a on the verbal processor, my wife’s faith. I just want to be quiet. Yeah. Can you stop that? The third category just don’t want to lose sight of is right from the managing relationship aspect. Right is the well, there may be difficulty here, but I’m going to continue for this fight, right?

09;26;52;29 – 09;26;38;05

Jon

It’s an intentional choice of parameters. When you talked about how that could be mentorship, that could be potentially coaching or ministry as also thinking there’s there’s categories, right? Like this can’t just be a finite your life sucking right now.

09;26;38;05 – 09;26;25;26

Jon

Therefore, this is over. It’s such an ass because I have had the privilege and honor of walking through some pretty terrible times with people, and they’ve walked through some pretty terrible times with me. And that’s kind of like the flow.

09;26;25;26 – 09;26;09;04

Jon

I know I’m draining the life out of their soul during this, during those times, yeah, but they happily give it y quality. I think it creates the fourth dimension of that management thing. It’s like, Well, if you see value in the relationship, then you’re willing to go to hell with that person.

09;26;08;15 – 09;26;01;22

Jon

That’s but that’s not what it is, is intentional. That’s right. It’s an intentional choice.

09;26;01;22 – 09;26;01;09

Rick

And it’s.

09;26;01;09 – 09;26;00;24

Aaron

Testing.

09;26;00;04 – 09;25;55;05

Rick

Because that could be a crucial friendship moment. And if you make it on the other.

09;25;55;05 – 09;25;51;29

Aaron

Side, your bond is even tighter and stronger.

09;25;51;13 – 09;25;49;21

Aaron

Some friendships don’t make it.

09;25;49;21 – 09;25;41;24

Aaron

On the other side, and then it becomes one of those things where they don’t recover, regardless of what the the reasons or the topics. Mm hmm.

09;25;41;19 – 09;25;39;29

Rick

But if you’re a friend.

09;25;39;27 – 09;25;28;02

Aaron

I feel like that’s I mean, friendship is was really tested in the hard times who’s come alongside me when I need them most or even when maybe it’s shameful for them to do so? Kind of a thing.

09;25;27;15 – 09;25;25;20

Rick

And that’s where.

09;25;25;20 – 09;25;07;26

Aaron

You start forming those inner circle. So like the friendships on my 5% or not, everybody that I know, it’s the ones that I was with, the ones that are in the foxhole with me, the ones that you know, carry me, the ones that come and visit me when I’m in the hospital, the ones that, you know, watch

09;25;07;26 – 09;25;03;18

Aaron

our kids in an emergency or when my chart breaks down on the side of the road, they show up.

09;25;01;19 – 09;24;59;07

Rick

Those are the kind of life-giving friendships.

09;24;59;01 – 09;24;48;09

Aaron

Some some friendships to me are seasonal like life. Geographical could be seasonal, according to life circumstances. Occasional occasional.

09;24;48;07 – 09;24;47;09

Aaron

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

09;24;47;01 – 09;24;46;24

Rick

And you.

09;24;46;24 – 09;24;46;02

Aaron

Know, over time.

09;24;44;28 – 09;24;29;23

Jon

And learning to like, let go of the seasonal ones, whether it’s because your job or sometimes it has to, it is tough. But there’s something so freeing about it. It’s almost like you’re not drowning, right? Because once you realize, like, Hey, this is great, I would enjoy it.

09;24;29;16 – 09;24;15;15

Jon

But time will tell what type of friendship this is. There’s such a freedom in that because otherwise very clingy. And then especially when you see a life change coming down, you start to kind of like panic, like at is going to take you to the other side and then becomes this big emotional benefit.

09;24;15;15 – 09;24;03;02

Jon

Doesn’t know. But if you know it’s like, Well, this is wonderful, now we’ll see the other side. And if it doesn’t say, OK, that was such a gift for that time. That’s right, and I can continue forward in that, and it just freeze you to be more present.

09;24;03;02 – 09;23;44;22

Jon

Enjoy it in the moment. And the other thing that I’m just hearing scream out through this is there’s a. Through that, through the very core of it, right, and the distinction of like using the terms like giving versus taking the type of friendship and who shown up is that when you make this less, you’re going through it

09;23;44;16 – 09;23;42;09

Jon

. It’s not an excuse to abdicate responsibility.

09;23;40;23 – 09;23;36;07

Aaron

It’s Premiere that fight came from. Yeah, yeah. And I’m doing the dishes and he looks better.

09;23;36;01 – 09;23;35;28

Aaron

Yeah.

09;23;33;06 – 09;23;21;15

Jon

It’s actually a call to further press in and pick up in shoulder responsibilities. That’s right. I think that’s counterintuitive that when you hear like, oh, it’s like giving for me to do acts, it’s like taking me to do this.

09;23;21;15 – 09;23;08;14

Jon

This makes me happy. This doesn’t. Well, yeah. But if you bear into your responsibilities and you’re falling in with them, up with everything you have, then it changes that. Great. You know, there’s that distinction. I’m just smelling here.

09;23;08;00 – 09;23;07;22

Aaron

And.

09;23;07;12 – 09;22;53;09

Aaron

You have the ability to influence all those things you don’t like. So whether you’re not, you’re the one that’s physically there or you’re delegating it another way, how to do it, to make sure it gets done. So you don’t crash out continuing that practice.

09;22;52;04 – 09;22;33;20

Aaron

I just. So I’m wondering when I when I hear about life giving life taking, I know for me it’s different depending on how, how much energy I have. So if I’m fatigued, life sucking looks different. Like, say, like, I normally love talking on the phone when I’m tired.

09;22;33;09 – 09;22;22;09

Aaron

Hate it. Absolutely hate it, right? So how do you make the distinction when you’re doing that list? You know what is truly life taking versus this? Is me out of gas up not wanting to do this? Mm-Hmm.

09;22;21;14 – 09;22;20;06

Rick

Well, I don’t know. A first.

09;22;20;06 – 09;22;19;06

Aaron

Round, I would say.

09;22;19;06 – 09;22;17;21

Rick

Pretty pretty much comes easy.

09;22;17;21 – 09;22;16;08

Aaron

To us with life sucking.

09;22;16;07 – 09;22;14;20

Aaron

Yeah, I think people.

09;22;14;20 – 09;22;08;11

Aaron

Always start on that list. But then what’s life giving to me? I may or may not know. I need to see a list of things that helps me think about it.

09;22;07;19 – 09;22;06;10

Rick

Managing energy to me.

09;22;06;10 – 09;22;04;14

Aaron

Is something different because we.

09;22;04;14 – 09;21;58;08

Rick

Life’s hard and my energy is affected by the weather. Yeah, it’s not only.

09;21;58;08 – 09;21;56;09

Aaron

Affected by the weather, but it does have an effect.

09;21;55;11 – 09;21;50;07

Rick

And so, you know, when I think about a leader leaving for the long.

09;21;50;07 – 09;21;47;16

Aaron

Haul, it first starts with leading their heart, which.

09;21;47;16 – 09;21;46;15

Rick

To me is life giving.

09;21;46;15 – 09;21;45;07

Aaron

And life sucking. You are you.

09;21;44;19 – 09;21;43;03

Rick

Focused in and placing yourself.

09;21;43;03 – 09;21;42;29

Aaron

On.

09;21;42;29 – 09;21;39;22

Rick

Life giving limbs and then gardening.

09;21;39;22 – 09;21;36;21

Aaron

Or even separating yourself from what leading right.

09;21;35;25 – 09;21;34;19

Rick

Then leaving yourself.

09;21;34;19 – 09;21;20;07

Aaron

Kind of falls into the 5%? And it’s like, How am I the father? I want to be the husband, the friend. And do I have a spiritual warfare? Am I just pretending to?

09;21;19;11 – 09;21;18;14

Rick

And in my health.

09;21;18;14 – 09;21;11;07

Aaron

You know, some seasons I’m I’m exercising and doing great and then other seasons, it’s terrible. But it’s still me. It’s all me.

09;21;10;14 – 09;21;04;10

Rick

And it is attached to energy. So here’s why I combine the two the the life giving things that.

09;21;04;10 – 09;20;56;27

Aaron

Show up on your list. Some of those need to be showing up in that percent with those people in those areas.

09;20;56;13 – 09;20;55;04

Rick

And here’s what I find is.

09;20;55;04 – 09;20;52;21

Aaron

Compounding from an energy standpoint.

09;20;52;21 – 09;20;50;22

Rick

When I get to do multiple life giving.

09;20;50;21 – 09;20;46;18

Aaron

Things, I recover faster than when I don’t get to do, like doing things.

09;20;46;02 – 09;20;44;13

Rick

So if I had a hard day.

09;20;43;21 – 09;20;38;20

Aaron

At the office or whatever and then filled the pleases and also a ton of meetings.

09;20;37;28 – 09;20;37;02

Rick

But I really want.

09;20;37;02 – 09;20;36;00

Aaron

To engage my family.

09;20;35;20 – 09;20;34;11

Rick

Know we’d like to when it’s warm.

09;20;34;11 – 09;20;33;05

Aaron

We like to cook out and stuff.

09;20;33;05 – 09;20;29;28

Rick

So I know that if I get to throw the.

09;20;29;28 – 09;20;19;22

Aaron

Ball with the kids, if I get to come home first and have ten minutes for myself. Fire up the grill and we get to be outside in the war. I’m hitting some of those.

09;20;19;11 – 09;20;17;26

Rick

Life giving things and it’s.

09;20;17;26 – 09;20;13;06

Aaron

Compounding in my day wasn’t that bad. By the time the sun sets.

09;20;12;28 – 09;20;09;18

Rick

You know, but if I came home and I didn’t get any of those.

09;20;09;18 – 09;20;02;11

Aaron

Life doing things, and in fact, I came home to more problems, you know, so I started working. two kids are fighting.

09;20;00;29 – 09;19;57;14

Rick

Laura had a bad day. All it’s going to do is.

09;19;56;26 – 09;19;53;14

Aaron

Zap what little? And I go into survival.

09;19;52;22 – 09;19;40;18

Aaron

And it’s like, All right, I need to figure out, All right, maybe I need to go out for a drive. All right. And I’m trying to recover because I don’t want to abdicate my responsibilities. I don’t want to check out.

09;19;40;01 – 09;19;37;27

Rick

But I’m human and I want to learn.

09;19;37;27 – 09;19;37;03

Aaron

How to regulate.

09;19;37;03 – 09;19;34;26

Rick

So if I’m always running on empty.

09;19;34;26 – 09;19;27;26

Aaron

Or a slow charge of 20% throughout the week, I got nothing really for the most important things in my life. That’s what I’ve learned through my burnout.

09;19;27;08 – 09;19;24;18

Rick

But if I’m managing my life giving and.

09;19;24;18 – 09;19;23;12

Aaron

Actually makes room for.

09;19;23;10 – 09;19;22;15

Rick

That, I can handle the.

09;19;22;15 – 09;19;20;02

Aaron

Hardships and the mediocrity.

09;19;19;25 – 09;19;19;10

Aaron

That is.

09;19;19;08 – 09;19;12;24

Aaron

That’s what we were talking about this right now. They’re podcasts like this. I was just thinking to the master key and yes.

09;19;12;21 – 09;18;51;03

Jon

Episode two, it’s called Restaurant Nights, looking at the concept, and I started discussing right when Aaron showed up on. How changing like, how you can utilize change to recharge. And it’s essentially what you’re talking about if you start trying to work whatever your work is and you find it that a change of pace that recharges use, throwing

09;18;51;03 – 09;18;30;11

Jon

the ball and ruling and investing in your kids. Yeah, that change in that investment at that time, that whimsical play well could be something is precisely the type of change we’re talking about in restaurants. So it’s kind of fine because there there’s just this core principle there that we’re now having two very different conversations articulating the same

09;18;30;11 – 09;18;22;24

Jon

point for different energy and managers and viewpoint. So it’s really fun. If you like this aspect of conversation, check out Episode ten Shameless Plug.

09;18;21;22 – 09;18;21;22

Aaron

Yeah.

09;18;20;04 – 09;18;16;28

Aaron

It reminds me of a book called The Power of Full Engagement.

09;18;16;11 – 09;18;15;01

Rick

Managing energy not.

09;18;15;01 – 09;18;12;13

Aaron

Time is the key to high performance and personal real.

09;18;11;26 – 09;18;09;24

Rick

Interesting, and this is a study.

09;18;09;24 – 09;18;06;26

Aaron

Of athletes and professionals and.

09;18;05;04 – 09;18;03;02

Rick

The reality is, is that energy.

09;18;02;26 – 09;18;00;28

Aaron

Is huge for us. This is you guys are.

09;18;00;28 – 09;17;58;12

Rick

Describing it and there’s a great.

09;17;58;12 – 09;17;55;01

Aaron

Chapter in there on recovery, intentional recovery.

09;17;54;28 – 09;17;54;20

Rick

You know.

09;17;54;20 – 09;17;49;15

Aaron

Athletes have to intentionally recover their body nutrition, those kind of things.

09;17;48;24 – 09;17;46;29

Rick

And scientific study.

09;17;46;28 – 09;17;45;18

Aaron

On how.

09;17;45;10 – 09;17;43;22

Rick

We grow the deepest.

09;17;43;21 – 09;17;42;03

Aaron

When we recover the best.

09;17;41;18 – 09;17;41;12

Aaron

Mm hmm.

09;17;40;29 – 09;17;39;13

Rick

So there’s some kind of aspect.

09;17;39;13 – 09;17;35;17

Aaron

Of strength that happens in the US where we set aside time to recover.

09;17;35;07 – 09;17;25;24

Rick

I think that’s a wisdom out of God and in a Sabbath in which you see in the Bible. But I also see in the reality of when I have the freedom.

09;17;25;24 – 09;17;24;24

Aaron

To replenish.

09;17;24;23 – 09;17;24;17

Rick

And.

09;17;24;17 – 09;17;23;08

Aaron

Choose to replenish.

09;17;22;27 – 09;17;19;25

Rick

I am better. For everything that.

09;17;19;24 – 09;17;19;05

Aaron

Matters most.

09;17;18;13 – 09;17;16;26

Rick

To me when I push.

09;17;16;26 – 09;17;13;18

Aaron

Through like car, it’s going to be a busy few weeks and will work on my days off.

09;17;13;00 – 09;17;07;08

Rick

I’m hanging on by a thread running on energy and I’m not better than hitting.

09;17;07;08 – 09;17;05;28

Aaron

Me of some side.

09;17;05;17 – 09;17;02;23

Rick

Curve ball comes in. But I didn’t expect, and it.

09;17;02;23 – 09;17;01;24

Aaron

Just knocks me off.

09;17;01;01 – 09;16;49;25

Jon

So you say, Gee, thanks to that wonderful. The first one is the distinction of when you have the ability to rest, right? Yes, there are going to be times that her guess what?

09;16;49;15 – 09;16;48;19

Aaron

Buckle up, boys.

09;16;47;21 – 09;16;30;15

Jon

And there is no such thing as the opportunity to rest. No, that’s fine. And in being intentional and aware enough to really look at the circumstances and say, is this that situation is important because it’s easy to, at least in my experience, very easy to say in that situation.

09;16;30;13 – 09;16;18;23

Jon

Yeah, right? But once you’re identified, no, this is in fact a situation where it’s time to abolish it. Just keep going. Then you do what you have to do. That’s right. But what you’re talking about is beyond really challenging.

09;16;18;23 – 09;16;01;08

Jon

Is this what I need to do? And if the answer is no right, this isn’t a situation in which you need to buckle in. You’re choosing this. Then that’s where if you really want to have impact, if you really want to lead well, if you really want to just drive and experience victory here, you’d better learn quickly

09;16;01;00 – 09;15;57;26

Jon

that that hole just go to take things not going to you there.

09;15;57;23 – 09;15;55;07

Rick

It’s not. And I’m not throwing a ton of books at you.

09;15;55;04 – 09;15;50;20

Aaron

Another one that addresses that totally essentialism by Greg McCallum.

09;15;50;04 – 09;15;49;03

Rick

And it’s the disciplined.

09;15;49;03 – 09;15;47;18

Aaron

Pursuit of doing less.

09;15;46;13 – 09;15;45;00

Rick

And he has some.

09;15;45;00 – 09;15;41;02

Aaron

Great thoughts in there about getting comfortable with disappointing others.

09;15;39;27 – 09;15;38;04

Aaron

Wow. Well, because.

09;15;37;13 – 09;15;35;23

Aaron

John’s got a big student smile on his face.

09;15;34;26 – 09;15;31;17

Aaron

As much as he does, he loves this.

09;15;31;17 – 09;15;29;20

Aaron

Guy. You got it. I know it’s a good place.

09;15;29;20 – 09;15;16;26

Jon

To be fair. I aspire to get more comfortable on that because I heard you made a comment earlier about your naturally peacekeeper. I 100% relate to that, and I’m not sure if those around you can see that. I don’t know.

09;15;16;14 – 09;14;57;11

Jon

I imagine as close to me, I can see how that plays out, but I prefer to bridge the peace, especially in unison against a singular enemy, right? Like, if you are on the other line, you’re my fellow. That’s a very different conversation from I’m talking about, right, right here on the perceive my side.

09;14;56;24 – 09;14;38;06

Jon

We’re on the same side, whatever that looks like. Then I want to be that peacekeeper until, you know, a line is crossed. But I love it because one of the things that I’m personally challenging myself in that I’m a better defining, frankly, from this conversation and I’ve been doing it through a lot of our conversations kind of

09;14;38;06 – 09;14;18;12

Jon

intuitively know like I want to with absolute comfort, you know, disappoint people because it’s the right thing to do for the people. I’m responsible to the organizations, they’re responsible to myself, to my faith, to whatever. And frankly, it’s probably the right thing for them to do, as you know, whatever that may be, if you’re not growing that

09;14;18;12 – 09;14;18;04

Jon

right?

09;14;17;28 – 09;14;16;19

Rick

Yeah. And I think it to.

09;14;16;19 – 09;14;14;26

Aaron

Me, it needs to be anchored to values.

09;14;14;16 – 09;14;13;20

Rick

And I think that’s.

09;14;13;20 – 09;14;10;01

Aaron

Really where the rubber meets the road in.

09;14;10;01 – 09;14;03;29

Rick

Life because we can’t do everything. You know, if if we only have certain amount of money.

09;14;03;29 – 09;14;03;04

Aaron

To send our kids to.

09;14;03;04 – 09;14;01;04

Rick

Camp and it’s a.

09;14;01;04 – 09;13;55;05

Aaron

It’s a winter retreat that’s more spiritual in nature or to go to a basketball camp.

09;13;54;06 – 09;13;53;13

Rick

And we have to pick.

09;13;53;13 – 09;13;46;09

Aaron

Between those who are more likely going to do the winter retreat because I believe developing their souls to better prepare them for life, I don’t think they’re going to be.

09;13;45;15 – 09;13;44;13

Aaron

There’s an easier decision.

09;13;43;16 – 09;13;41;24

Rick

It is because it’s about you, even though.

09;13;41;24 – 09;13;41;21

Aaron

It’s.

09;13;41;21 – 09;13;40;01

Aaron

Disappointing and they want to do both.

09;13;39;16 – 09;13;36;07

Rick

So it isn’t just I love with disappointing people.

09;13;36;07 – 09;13;33;18

Aaron

In fact, I really don’t. It’s hard on me emotionally.

09;13;32;28 – 09;13;30;19

Rick

But if I made my decision anchored to values and at.

09;13;30;19 – 09;13;23;25

Aaron

Least I know why, I’m disappointed someone and then I’m still holding to that value and that helps me a little more integrity.

09;13;23;12 – 09;13;11;05

Jon

And to be clear, that’s what I’m describing. Yeah, that’s that’s what I’m saying. I want to grow and not their disappointment. In spite, I know that intentional it’s value basis for a reason. That’s right. But just like the added.

09;13;09;21 – 09;13;02;22

Jon

The ability to be comfortable because I’m doing it right now, you are right being more comfortable and if.

09;13;02;14 – 09;12;47;09

Aaron

You will, and you got to start by disappointing yourself. Yeah, because there’s certain situations, there’s certain things that you have have that you want to do, but you’ve told yourself ahead of time. Hey, I’ve committed to this, this is a value of mine and this is competing with that value.

09;12;47;00 – 09;12;32;09

Aaron

And so you say no to yourself all the time. And so when somebody else comes along that wants to do something that’s outside of your kind of your your mason jar or whatever. I don’t have the room for that because my values is all I have, right?

09;12;32;04 – 09;12;28;17

Aaron

And that’s all. I’m not adding more to my value.

09;12;28;14 – 09;12;26;00

Rick

Yeah, once you get comfortable with that, then you.

09;12;26;00 – 09;12;24;08

Aaron

Have to get comfortable with the resistance.

09;12;24;03 – 09;12;23;15

Rick

That comes.

09;12;23;15 – 09;12;12;15

Aaron

From you living out of values because people will be disappointed or frustrated opportunities that you may have wanted to lose because you’re choosing your value over that opportunity.

09;12;10;29 – 09;12;08;20

Rick

Jobs that want you to do more.

09;12;08;20 – 09;12;05;11

Aaron

Than you’re willing to want you on their team.

09;12;04;12 – 09;12;01;12

Rick

So it’s not like it’s all roses, you know? Hey.

09;12;00;20 – 09;11;58;17

Aaron

What does butterflies and rainbows where you’re like.

09;11;58;03 – 09;11;56;23

Rick

I know my values now and I.

09;11;56;23 – 09;11;54;00

Aaron

Live out of principle and then everything is fine.

09;11;53;29 – 09;11;47;16

Rick

That’s why I think it’s really good on the inside. But you know, we we live in a.

09;11;47;15 – 09;11;43;26

Aaron

World I think that gravitates towards on health and not health, right?

09;11;43;23 – 09;11;41;25

Rick

So you’re basically taking.

09;11;41;25 – 09;11;38;04

Aaron

Away from those things that are unhealthy and going to experience resistance.

09;11;37;11 – 09;11;29;07

Aaron

So every day on your devices? Yeah, right. Hey, check this out. Look at this. Read this article! Go to this link and sign up for this thing that to control your life like now.

09;11;28;28 – 09;11;08;24

Jon

And that’s just like that low and static noise distraction, right? Because what you’re talking about is define your values that are such that you’re willing to say no to other things, right? It’s right. I feel like so many people, myself included, not not as much now, but I can remember when saying no to something like you’re you’re

09;11;08;24 – 09;10;54;27

Jon

making a judgment call. Like, now that’s not going to be, you know, hard to pass. And it takes a confidence and that is a skill, a muscle to be grown in current ones that we’re talking about a lot.

09;10;54;25 – 09;10;44;22

Jon

It’s OK, especially for leaders like if you’re going to be leading anything, start really doing yourself, which we’ve already talked about, but you don’t have to know how to say no to things and how to disappoint one dose.

09;10;44;18 – 09;10;25;27

Jon

You’re leading, right? Just say no because it’s off target or the wrong objective or different things. So the more you know. There, but it’s also interesting, and I think that from what we’ve talked about with the arch rival India right now, Canada’s mission is worth it.

09;10;25;20 – 09;10;10;25

Jon

It’s easier to learn to say no in a leadership capacity or professional capacity because it’s the job, right? It’s more difficult when you bring it closer and closer and closer to your heart to home. Right now, I’m saying no to my friends.

09;10;10;24 – 09;09;58;18

Jon

Now I’m saying or now I’m saying no to friends, period. But as a friend, right? That’s going to hurt. That’s right. That’s going to redefine you individual in me. Now I’m saying no to an entire way of life.

09;09;56;24 – 09;09;40;25

Jon

Like, when I left the military, it was because I realized that by the choice I made, I could not be the person I believe I was meant to be. That was a very personal thing. There’s many, many, many people who bought jobs and becoming the best version selves and serving beautifully.

09;09;39;16 – 09;09;26;18

Jon

I realized just on some very personal aspects that I wanted to change. So I had to say no to my entire identity and an entire way of life as an adult and professional. You know, that’s the type of know I’m talking about.

09;09;26;13 – 09;09;19;02

Jon

That becomes painful. But once you learn to make those names. Man, the other things are easier. Yeah.

09;09;18;23 – 09;09;07;18

Aaron

You’re right on in, so if you invert that and say, OK, I’m living out a life giving you my heart and then leaving my son, leaving myself as best as I can, and these are and then it goes out to our.

09;09;07;06 – 09;09;05;10

Rick

Mission business.

09;09;05;10 – 09;09;04;10

Aaron

Calling whatever.

09;09;02;18 – 09;09;00;15

Rick

Then it trickles down into how the how.

09;09;00;15 – 09;08;59;24

Aaron

You do your work.

09;08;58;28 – 09;08;58;19

Rick

You know.

09;08;58;18 – 09;08;55;28

Aaron

What are you living in your ideal workweek? Are you.

09;08;55;21 – 09;08;54;14

Rick

Having your hand in the things that.

09;08;54;14 – 09;08;49;17

Aaron

Only you need to have your hands to? It goes to a responsibility of, you.

09;08;49;17 – 09;08;49;01

Rick

Know, what comes.

09;08;49;01 – 09;08;41;27

Aaron

On my plate weekly every other week, monthly, quarterly, yearly that I need to pay attention to, or I need to help our team for attention to.

09;08;41;08 – 09;08;39;24

Rick

Because we’re all anchored to.

09;08;39;24 – 09;08;39;00

Aaron

Values.

09;08;38;29 – 09;08;36;14

Rick

You know, you start with yourself, otherwise you don’t.

09;08;36;14 – 09;08;32;26

Aaron

Have a true north and directionless and just the world eats you up.

09;08;32;15 – 09;08;29;24

Rick

When you have any. But when you feel like.

09;08;29;24 – 09;08;29;05

Aaron

You, you.

09;08;29;05 – 09;08;27;21

Rick

Are there, locked in.

09;08;27;21 – 09;08;23;16

Aaron

And you’re seeing your own self and you’re obviously we’re always growing and becoming more aware.

09;08;22;27 – 09;08;22;02

Rick

But then that spills.

09;08;22;02 – 09;08;19;15

Aaron

Over into the intentional way that you and your business.

09;08;19;06 – 09;08;17;29

Rick

And you can read.

09;08;17;15 – 09;08;17;01

Aaron

Stat.

09;08;17;01 – 09;08;05;24

Aaron

After stat about how many people hate where they work and the reasons why they hate, where they work and how they’ve had a great boss or how they have not so great boss. And you get to infuse culture because.

09;08;05;10 – 09;08;03;26

Rick

The way you’re doing businesses.

09;08;03;23 – 09;08;02;00

Aaron

Is anchored to some values as well.

09;08;01;24 – 09;07;56;17

Rick

But as practice with the individual first. A lot of times we want to invert.

09;07;56;17 – 09;07;51;04

Aaron

Those and make nice vision statements and value statements and whether.

09;07;51;03 – 09;07;49;12

Rick

They’re inauthentic and the.

09;07;49;12 – 09;07;34;13

Aaron

People who are leading those organizations are inauthentic as well because it’s not really shown in their personal lives. Yeah. And so when you are consistent with those places, it speaks volume. Our culture craves vulnerability and authenticity.

09;07;34;02 – 09;07;33;06

Rick

Not for the sake of.

09;07;32;16 – 09;07;22;07

Aaron

Being whiny and victim, but just for the sake of this is what’s really going on in our life. And this is where I’m growing, and this is how this is the kind of environment we want to grow and build in our business.

09;07;21;26 – 09;07;06;16

Jon

But there’s a big difference between being vulnerable and authentic and being a bit more whiny. Yeah, right. That there’s a distinction, right? There’s been a number of times, some examples, even in this conversation, just owning their own ability being shot.

09;07;06;12 – 09;06;50;28

Jon

Right. But there is no lack of ownership in it. So that does it, really. I think there’s a good distinction there. Anything you keep talking, you know, the lack of giving in, you know, your ideal workweek that kind of brought it to head in my mind is a let’s call this out.

09;06;50;15 – 09;06;43;27

Jon

The ideal work week. I’m not hearing you say it means comfortable workweek. It’s ideal. Not comfortable.

09;06;43;22 – 09;06;43;00

Rick

It’s intentional.

09;06;43;00 – 09;06;30;13

Jon

It’s intentional. You know what makes something ideal? Because the first thing I thought of is like, some person is like, Oh, I’m not working. I’m I’m doing more than 40 hours flat. I have to go deal with people.

09;06;30;08 – 09;06;19;24

Jon

You know, it’s just like all these whiny discomfort things that are just like foolish excuses. And I just don’t want to give them that coupon right now to describe what we’re talking about, because I think it’s more valuable.

09;06;19;07 – 09;06;17;21

Jon

So let’s take that coupon away, can you?

09;06;17;00 – 09;06;15;12

Aaron

Yeah. I think if.

09;06;15;12 – 09;06;12;21

Aaron

Ideal work, we can do.

09;06;12;14 – 09;06;11;01

Rick

A few things and remember, I’m not.

09;06;10;24 – 09;06;07;29

Aaron

Separating personal and professional and combining the two.

09;06;07;24 – 09;06;03;14

Rick

So we would start with life giving what’s happening this week?

09;06;03;07 – 09;06;02;00

Aaron

That’s life giving for me.

09;06;00;28 – 09;05;59;28

Rick

So I’ve been talking.

09;05;59;17 – 09;05;57;02

Aaron

With a spiritual mentor once a month.

09;05;56;29 – 09;05;56;05

Rick

And we were.

09;05;56;05 – 09;05;51;17

Aaron

Talking about this because I’m having a epiphany about the difference between an employee and an entrepreneur.

09;05;50;20 – 09;05;48;26

Rick

And how I’ve mostly.

09;05;48;26 – 09;05;41;20

Aaron

Been an employee all my life and now trying to do the business and build a business through a ministry and build a ministry.

09;05;40;25 – 09;05;36;13

Rick

But in the end, all of this what’s life giving to me.

09;05;36;13 – 09;05;35;26

Aaron

Throughout this.

09;05;35;26 – 09;05;33;12

Rick

Week and we talked about.

09;05;33;12 – 09;05;30;17

Aaron

The concept of rest stops, which I’m going to try.

09;05;30;03 – 09;05;28;24

Rick

When I was a kid, or.

09;05;28;23 – 09;05;26;25

Aaron

You look for the next rest stop on a road trip.

09;05;26;16 – 09;05;24;15

Rick

You know one’s coming up, you’re going to get.

09;05;24;15 – 09;05;20;23

Aaron

Snacks, you use the restroom, run around in the grass.

09;05;20;12 – 09;05;14;14

Aaron

Stretch your legs, needle pile, power the vehicle to the next one. That alone makes them more bearable. Exactly.

09;05;13;27 – 09;05;09;12

Rick

So we’re talking about maybe a 30 minute rest stop. Plan that one.

09;05;09;12 – 09;05;07;12

Aaron

Time this week, it’s for you.

09;05;06;20 – 09;05;05;12

Rick

And then maybe it can.

09;05;05;12 – 09;05;00;23

Aaron

Grow, so if it’s really nice out, we can mountain bike or just go for a walk or whatever.

09;05;00;23 – 09;04;55;04

Rick

But whatever out of that life giving line, there’s a room for it. Then think of the 5% my.

09;04;55;03 – 09;04;52;10

Aaron

Honoring, my 5% in my ideal workweek.

09;04;51;20 – 09;04;48;14

Rick

So Laura and I have Friday morning breakfast together.

09;04;48;14 – 09;04;40;04

Aaron

That’s one of our constants. My kids are older now, so I have to plan special dates with them versus I’m going to see them right when I come home from work.

09;04;38;20 – 09;04;38;05

Rick

And my meeting.

09;04;38;04 – 09;04;28;19

Aaron

With a friend this week or next week. So you get the idea and then into the professional line, it’s like, how do I work for this? Do I get the freedom to design some of that.

09;04;27;14 – 09;04;25;01

Rick

And meetings that I’m a.

09;04;25;01 – 09;04;20;16

Aaron

Part of direct reports, frequency of direct towards responsibilities.

09;04;20;16 – 09;04;20;13

Rick

I.

09;04;20;13 – 09;04;17;29

Aaron

Can’t seem to get to, but they really are responsibilities.

09;04;16;25 – 09;04;15;14

Rick

Sometimes just lining.

09;04;15;14 – 09;04;10;24

Aaron

Out those most important, you gain ten to 30% a margin in your week just.

09;04;10;24 – 09;04;09;19

Rick

By doing it differently.

09;04;09;19 – 09;04;06;16

Aaron

Than what you were doing at work for a time that no longer works.

09;04;06;16 – 09;04;03;05

Rick

Now. And that’s OK. It’s not like shame. It’s just like, Hey, you got.

09;04;03;05 – 09;03;59;17

Aaron

Me here, but it’s not working. We need to evolve and scale it to something different.

09;03;58;27 – 09;03;56;14

Rick

And then you that heels into like.

09;03;56;14 – 09;03;54;27

Aaron

Your leadership teams. You know.

09;03;54;22 – 09;03;52;27

Rick

When when do we have a team meeting?

09;03;52;27 – 09;03;44;23

Aaron

Do we ever have a strategy planning retreat? Why or why not? What are times to evaluate what our times, the vision and where we’re headed to course? Correct.

09;03;44;01 – 09;03;40;05

Rick

Every place is different, yet the same because it involves.

09;03;40;05 – 09;03;33;21

Aaron

People and there’s a rhythm to our work and frequency. So ideal work week isn’t the retirement workweek for our.

09;03;33;11 – 09;03;32;10

Rick

Monday Tuesday at the.

09;03;32;10 – 09;03;29;01

Aaron

Beach. There’s Wednesday on golfing or whatever that would.

09;03;28;29 – 09;03;28;03

Rick

That would be awesome.

09;03;28;03 – 09;03;27;11

Aaron

To squeeze some.

09;03;27;11 – 09;03;23;28

Rick

Things in there. But but hopefully as you’re learning.

09;03;23;28 – 09;03;18;23

Aaron

More about yourself, you’re starting to choose things and you kind of alluded to this that.

09;03;18;09 – 09;03;17;17

Rick

I’m doing work.

09;03;17;17 – 09;03;11;28

Aaron

That matters most to me. And this wasn’t the thing that making my heart sing, so to speak or let you north.

09;03;11;02 – 09;03;10;10

Rick

And as you get.

09;03;10;10 – 09;02;58;25

Aaron

More self aware, I found that you start to get clear on that divine design and the things that kind of maybe you were designed to do. And hopefully we start finding those pathways in that kind of works in your effort.

09;02;58;00 – 09;02;51;02

Aaron

Well, I was I was thinking about when I was first married and we did the whole system for money.

09;02;50;26 – 09;02;50;14

Aaron

Yeah.

09;02;49;14 – 09;02;48;10

Jon

Shout out to Dave Ramsey.

09;02;48;10 – 09;02;27;09

Aaron

You remember those days like, know other entertainment budgets like I was like 20 bucks or something. I think you bought last Lester. You know, it’s like, What is it? That’s what we had. But when we spent that money, it was there was no anxiety at all because we just we knew exactly how much we had and how

09;02;25;11 – 09;02;12;12

Aaron

. It’s like, All right, I guess we’re doing something free. You know, when you’re a CEO or your wife, it’s kind of we’re talking about we’re not being employees of our life, being kind of tossed to and fro by everybody who asks the question.

09;02;12;12 – 09;01;54;03

Aaron

We say, yes, we’re the world’s employee. No, versus the CEO is like, OK, Ivan, I’ve been made this way. I have a specific web design, and in some way, I think is things that give me life, as you say, things that take life away from me and I know those things and I’m in a lot my life

09;01;54;03 – 09;01;50;11

Aaron

intentionally. I set myself up for success as.

09;01;50;11 – 09;01;49;12

Rick

Much as you can throw.

09;01;49;12 – 09;01;36;22

Aaron

Yourself softball, just loves me all knock this out of the park every time. If I get my ass, put myself in this situation because this is how I made. But I have to, but I have to schedule it right to make it.

09;01;36;22 – 09;01;35;26

Aaron

You have to protect it.

09;01;35;14 – 09;01;32;22

Rick

Yeah, because there are things you are ironically, an.

09;01;32;22 – 09;01;31;01

Aaron

Employee and an entrepreneur.

09;01;30;23 – 09;01;30;15

Aaron

Right?

09;01;30;05 – 09;01;26;06

Rick

But and there are things that have to be done, which I don’t.

09;01;26;06 – 09;01;25;09

Aaron

Like, right?

09;01;25;00 – 09;01;23;00

Rick

And I can choose to ignore those. And then it would be.

09;01;23;00 – 09;01;21;02

Aaron

Catastrophic for the organization.

09;01;21;01 – 09;01;20;00

Aaron

However, I.

09;01;20;00 – 09;01;16;08

Rick

Can also say, well, right now, I need to spend extra time to.

09;01;16;08 – 09;01;12;22

Aaron

Make sure it gets done, but this is going to be the first thing I will hire when I can, hardly.

09;01;12;13 – 09;01;12;09

Jon

So.

09;01;12;06 – 09;01;11;09

Aaron

For someone who loves them.

09;01;11;09 – 09;00;54;09

Jon

Yet I love what you talk about right now is there that you see it a lot when someone who’s a technician really good at it. Skill? Right? Yeah, starts a business. So what I’m thinking here is that let’s say young, a carpenter who starts a business right there that carpentry they love working with their hands, that wood

09;00;54;09 – 09;00;42;15

Jon

or a baker is another one. You see a lot of our plumber. You see these guys. You like, these people do this a lot. They start the business and then they realize, Wait, I’m not just making pies. I have to be a business owner.

09;00;42;15 – 09;00;30;13

Jon

That’s that’s a job for this profession. There’s about 80 things that are involved with that. So it’s not just one thing you’re not making, you’re not making anymore. That’s like one little aspect of everything you have to do to thrive.

09;00;30;03 – 09;00;19;22

Jon

And that’s where like when you said, you have to say, I’ll do this for now, it’s part of my job. I’m owned by this in the business I’ve created, which I know that for the from the onslaught, for the most part, right?

09;00;19;21 – 09;00;12;28

Jon

Most people aren’t aware. And just like I have to go now, I have to balance finance, but and to do the logistics for supplies. And that’s the only.

09;00;12;28 – 09;00;12;21

Aaron

Thing.

09;00;12;12 – 10;59;55;07

Aaron

That I think the humbling and that we have to do is hire managers for ourself is kind of doing less less like employees, more like, Hey, this is a value I have in my organization and say, I need you to look at this light on the dashboard and tell me what I need to do in relation to

10;59;55;07 – 10;59;51;17

Aaron

that and help me work through that versus just owning everything.

10;59;51;14 – 10;59;35;06

Jon

Or even one step before that. Like what if I can’t hiring, you know, right? So it’s just awareness. Yeah, yeah. Mentors are typically this sounds funny, but mentors are typically free monetarily. You have to be willing to be humble enough to seek it.

10;59;34;26 – 10;59;17;19

Jon

You have to be humble. That’s right. You need it, and you have to be willing to invest energy to seek it out. That’s right. And that makes it incredibly expensive. Right. Right. In a different type of sense. But when you look at it’s just funny, because one of the first things that I think about going into business

10;59;17;19 – 10;59;06;10

Jon

around talking to someone who wants to do business thing is like, OK, that sounds awesome. How are you going to engage with this, this, this and this? And then you just kind of sometimes you see the wind kind of leave their shell.

10;59;06;10 – 10;58;55;01

Jon

So, hey, I’m not trying to hurt you. I want to encourage you here. Let’s talk about this list of factors. You go put a plan together and then or you just blow me off right now and we don’t talk about this ever again.

10;58;55;01 – 10;58;42;05

Jon

That’s fine. But but think about this because if you want to really thrive in the gift of doing whatever thing you’re talking about, if you have a plan going into an awareness that these are requirements, you’re going to have so much more fun until you can outsource that.

10;58;41;21 – 10;58;39;10

Rick

Yeah, yeah. Awareness is like, OK.

10;58;39;09 – 10;58;37;21

Aaron

This is what has to be covered.

10;58;37;19 – 10;58;37;09

Aaron

Yeah.

10;58;37;06 – 10;58;36;06

Rick

And then the reality.

10;58;36;06 – 10;58;34;20

Aaron

Is on the what happened to come? Yeah.

10;58;33;15 – 10;58;32;01

Aaron

Yeah. And then it’s like, is this.

10;58;32;01 – 10;58;30;15

Rick

Show up in my work.

10;58;30;15 – 10;58;29;07

Aaron

Week at all on the.

10;58;29;07 – 10;58;24;02

Rick

Month because, you know, you know, like invoicing, but you like getting paid invoices have to be.

10;58;23;18 – 10;58;22;02

Aaron

You know, should be appointment.

10;58;22;02 – 10;58;21;27

Rick

On.

10;58;21;27 – 10;58;20;26

Aaron

Their send invoices.

10;58;20;26 – 10;58;20;10

Aaron

Out right.

10;58;20;08 – 10;58;18;18

Rick

Until you build something else.

10;58;18;18 – 10;58;16;27

Aaron

Systematically or automatic.

10;58;16;14 – 10;58;10;09

Aaron

They are working to that end at some point. I want to hire that, you know, so I’m not going to be that job forever.

10;58;09;29 – 10;58;04;26

Rick

Yeah. And the book email, the author talks about drawing a.

10;58;04;25 – 10;57;59;16

Aaron

Org chart of your business, regardless of if we have a ton of employees.

10;57;59;04 – 10;57;54;11

Rick

Is like, what’s the ideal structure of your business? And then now write your name and everyone.

10;57;53;22 – 10;57;53;13

Aaron

Yeah.

10;57;52;18 – 10;57;50;26

Rick

And then you pick, which was most.

10;57;50;26 – 10;57;48;15

Aaron

Important to develop and hand handoff to the next person.

10;57;48;15 – 10;57;45;15

Aaron

Yet you still have to do it. All right, so you can.

10;57;45;14 – 10;57;44;20

Aaron

Buy other things.

10;57;43;29 – 10;57;42;17

Jon

I love that so much.

10;57;42;02 – 10;57;41;07

Aaron

No, I wouldn’t.

10;57;40;11 – 10;57;26;08

Aaron

There’s one piece I don’t want on this because you got to be really think about that, like writing down a list and really being honest with yourself about what is life giving, what’s life taking in your life, and of course, coupling that with who you are.

10;57;24;17 – 10;57;04;02

Aaron

And, you know, back to that kind of energy piece. And some of us might just need like, Hey, find out, first, make the energy list. If you’re tired. Yeah, and like what things have historically had to be creative, it has in the past given the energy to try to go do that thing and come back and make

10;57;04;02 – 10;57;01;09

Aaron

the list, maybe. You know, we our brain is back.

10;57;00;22 – 10;56;58;29

Aaron

And I had that. If you’re depleted.

10;56;58;29 – 10;56;42;01

Aaron

When you’re depleted. I just I’ve had a few pivotal places in my life where if I went and arrested, the creativity comes back, the excitement, the dreams come back and going, This is easy right now. I want to do this.

10;56;42;01 – 10;56;40;25

Aaron

This this, let’s go for it.

10;56;40;13 – 10;56;26;20

Jon

Yeah. So who do you think is the richest person I think is really fun is the one. Why not do both right now by not doing, you know, your Super Bowl charge, right? Right. You’re broken this June by giving us something.

10;56;26;10 – 10;56;13;25

Jon

And then when you realize like, Wow, I am depleted right now, don’t look at the list, you may just grab a piece of paper. Scroll down when you think it is. Again, because I’d be curious to see what, if, what, if anything changes, right?

10;56;13;02 – 10;56;04;27

Jon

There’s something very homey. You may have lied to yourself that this is life giving, and then you realize when you’re depleted and you’re wrong about it that, oh yeah, this is not true.

10;56;04;25 – 10;56;02;29

Aaron

It’s just that is a point.

10;56;02;26 – 10;55;57;00

Rick

I think two things. one is if you’re depleted right now, then that just sounds like one more thing you have.

10;55;57;00 – 10;55;53;19

Aaron

To do for me would be look three.

10;55;53;19 – 10;55;52;28

Aaron

To four weeks.

10;55;52;28 – 10;55;50;22

Rick

Out in your calendar and find a two.

10;55;50;22 – 10;55;49;29

Aaron

Hour slot.

10;55;49;24 – 10;55;48;23

Rick

That you actually leave the.

10;55;48;23 – 10;55;46;15

Aaron

Office, go to a coffee shop or something.

10;55;46;00 – 10;55;45;04

Rick

And then give yourself.

10;55;45;04 – 10;55;42;29

Aaron

Space to write that list there.

10;55;41;29 – 10;55;40;19

Rick

But then secondarily.

10;55;40;19 – 10;55;39;00

Aaron

I think sometimes we.

10;55;38;13 – 10;55;36;23

Rick

Either have an operating.

10;55;36;23 – 10;55;30;11

Aaron

System that is ingrained things that are like giving to us or we aspirationally.

10;55;30;11 – 10;55;29;22

Rick

Want it to be.

10;55;29;22 – 10;55;27;29

Aaron

Life giving. There truly isn’t much.

10;55;27;21 – 10;55;22;29

Rick

But you’ll find over time that list will get clearer and more.

10;55;22;28 – 10;55;22;08

Aaron

Authentic.

10;55;21;26 – 10;55;20;16

Rick

So to me, it’s OK to have.

10;55;20;16 – 10;55;19;04

Aaron

It trickle down with some weeds.

10;55;18;23 – 10;55;18;08

Aaron

You know.

10;55;17;18 – 10;55;15;11

Aaron

This isn’t really life giving, but I want to be a.

10;55;15;11 – 10;55;14;18

Aaron

Runner or whatever.

10;55;12;28 – 10;55;09;01

Rick

But you know, over time, if you feel like.

10;55;09;01 – 10;55;03;26

Aaron

You have to do it or ought to do it, I think that’s a good discipline.

10;55;03;12 – 10;55;02;05

Rick

That may or may not be.

10;55;02;05 – 10;55;01;01

Aaron

Truly life giving.

10;55;00;14 – 10;54;59;03

Rick

one might be life giving.

10;54;59;03 – 10;54;57;26

Aaron

Is something that.

10;54;57;12 – 10;54;54;18

Rick

If you think about how you were in college.

10;54;53;25 – 10;54;45;16

Aaron

Or in your early twenties or you think about how you are on vacation and what I mean by truly shutting down, how do you recover?

10;54;45;10 – 10;54;44;08

Rick

Some of those things.

10;54;44;08 – 10;54;41;18

Aaron

To me have been triggers of what’s really like giving.

10;54;40;10 – 10;54;31;24

Aaron

When responsibilities left it? And how do you what is you acting like yourself, right? Yeah, when you’re really honest and say, Yeah.

10;54;31;02 – 10;54;19;19

Jon

So I think the big takeaway from the last five minutes of conversation is it’s not a finite list. Get it down and then keep testing and hold it up to the light and see what is what’s actually happening here.

10;54;19;19 – 10;54;05;06

Jon

And you’re going to see come weeks like, OK, I’m aspiring to have this be life giving for this, and I kind of saw this third category come out too, which I think is almost worth doing it, maybe as a as a refining of the list, not the initial list over time.

10;54;04;29 – 10;53;49;10

Jon

It’s like looking at what I believe to like, what it believed to be like taking and now I have the. Discipline category, where it’s not life giving, but I still to do it, whether I feel I’m supposed to or I know it’s beneficial to me and I think I need to.

10;53;49;02 – 10;53;34;25

Jon

Whatever it be. And then as you’re kind of cycling through, you can make out and I’m not a very athletic person, right? I don’t care about fitness, but I need to do to be healthy. I’m moving this from the waist down because that’s not true to the discipline initiative.

10;53;34;21 – 10;53;29;01

Jon

Yeah, you know, it’s nice talking. It’s a necessity. It’s at this point. I’ve heard things.

10;53;28;18 – 10;53;25;20

Aaron

Sometimes our disciplines help create life in us.

10;53;24;25 – 10;53;24;07

Rick

But we may not.

10;53;24;07 – 10;53;22;16

Aaron

Be motivated to do them right away.

10;53;22;12 – 10;53;20;04

Jon

The fruit of it’s the discipline to action that it’s not.

10;53;19;20 – 10;53;18;27

Rick

There’s wisdom.

10;53;18;27 – 10;53;04;19

Aaron

Interesting. So now, OK, say you make it instinctual when you say life giving. I think I go right way to like visceral like this makes me feel a certain way. But there’s also a piece where it’s actually life giving, even though I don’t like it.

10;53;04;14 – 10;53;03;21

Aaron

Mm hmm. Yeah.

10;53;02;22 – 10;53;01;25

Rick

Yeah. Because you know what’s.

10;53;01;25 – 10;52;59;13

Aaron

Good for you? So there’s a return on that, right?

10;52;59;12 – 10;52;50;25

Rick

But I would say that’s just as John said, it’s it’s third, because if you start there, then you’ll be still running on low.

10;52;50;16 – 10;52;49;26

Aaron

Mm-Hmm. Yeah.

10;52;49;20 – 10;52;47;16

Rick

Because it takes energy to engage.

10;52;47;16 – 10;52;44;07

Aaron

Things that along doing that, always think they’re good. We know they’re good for us.

10;52;43;11 – 10;52;26;16

Rick

So to me, it always starts with the fuel. What is and you know, in the in Johnson ten, that abundant life. It doesn’t have an end to it. Right. It’s just overflowing, you know? And ultimately, Jesus is the answer to that.

10;52;26;16 – 10;52;18;28

Rick

But from a standpoint of like spirituality and just divine design. There are things that you will gravitate.

10;52;18;28 – 10;52;14;22

Aaron

Towards and you just love and your preferences when you come to life and we might hate.

10;52;14;22 – 10;52;10;22

Aaron

It. You know, it’s like, why does that so life.

10;52;10;22 – 10;52;07;26

Aaron

Giving to you? Why is that? Why do you gravitate towards that?

10;52;07;26 – 10;52;06;17

Rick

And then there are other things like.

10;52;06;17 – 10;51;54;19

Aaron

I was listening to a podcast with Tim Ferriss where he was interviewing Michael Phelps and another an Aussie gold medalist. I can’t remember his name right now, but they were talking about their their regiment.

10;51;54;15 – 10;51;53;17

Rick

How they became.

10;51;53;17 – 10;51;52;19

Aaron

Olympic athletes.

10;51;52;01 – 10;51;49;00

Rick

And when they described what they did every.

10;51;48;29 – 10;51;41;20

Aaron

Day for five to seven years in eight to 10,000 calories that need and how much they worked out and how they did their sleep. And I didn’t.

10;51;41;02 – 10;51;37;14

Rick

You know, that was a regiment that they loved.

10;51;37;08 – 10;51;35;29

Aaron

The process of.

10;51;35;19 – 10;51;34;29

Rick

And they love.

10;51;34;29 – 10;51;34;02

Aaron

The fruits of.

10;51;34;02 – 10;51;29;19

Rick

The gold medals, but the discipline where the train tracks for them.

10;51;29;18 – 10;51;28;08

Aaron

To accomplish it. Mm-Hmm.

10;51;27;15 – 10;51;23;16

Rick

But they had a shadow side to it as well, and they go on and I.

10;51;23;16 – 10;51;17;23

Aaron

Think it’s a great podcast is they’re very authentic with mental health in the shadow side of what they engage.

10;51;17;15 – 10;51;14;23

Rick

With. But they really the question.

10;51;14;23 – 10;51;13;02

Aaron

Was what would you tell your younger self?

10;51;12;02 – 10;51;06;02

Rick

And it was a lot about, do this because I love the journey, but do it in addition to living our.

10;51;06;02 – 10;51;02;18

Aaron

Values because I’m living out of things that are most important.

10;51;02;18 – 10;51;02;09

Aaron

To me.

10;51;01;01 – 10;50;46;08

Jon

What I love is we’re talking about prioritization, and I think it comes back to what you keep saying. The value based living right like what the need to start with that. Does this provide? Wife, right, does this make me feel more alive and vibrant and rejuvenated?

10;50;46;00 – 10;50;28;05

Jon

Or not? Yeah, it was because for the most part, you’re already challenging your already being counterculture in your conversations, already challenging the assumed norm of just grind it out. Right. So what? You have to start there to reset the mind to look, this is bring positive things into my life, making me more productive or destroying me within

10;50;28;02 – 10;50;04;05

Jon

it. I love how it always comes full circle to consistency and discipline, because the things that are good for you or that produce a good return on investment are often costly and can be draining. Right, right. I didn’t want to do my workout this morning and no desire, but I did it because I knew that the cost

10;50;04;05 – 10;49;52;00

Jon

of not doing it on my psyche into it and who I want to become in mentally would be worse than if I did. Right. So there’s that return investment, the discipline, deferred event discipline. That’s the goal.

10;49;51;23 – 10;49;49;19

Aaron

Because you’ve identified the value and the value.

10;49;49;11 – 10;49;34;18

Jon

Is being disciplined and consistent in the pursuit of something of a higher value. So it’s like, well, I’m going to say no to the comfort of now not wanting to do it in pursuit of wanting a higher valued existence.

10;49;34;07 – 10;49;17;25

Jon

And this becomes really less even about the act, less even about the workout, more it’s about the act of discipline inaccuracy. But that has to come when you’re resetting your mind after you’ve taken a step back excuse to begin to pursue the life giving stuff.

10;49;17;09 – 10;49;15;20

Rick

Yeah, I think it’s good, and I think.

10;49;15;20 – 10;49;06;23

Aaron

It’s worthy of talking about the shadow side of things. And when we wake up and we’re discouraged and we don’t want to move on or we don’t want to work out.

10;49;06;18 – 10;49;02;22

Rick

And maybe we’re questioning, is.

10;49;02;22 – 10;48;58;26

Aaron

This going to work? You know, is this worth it or.

10;48;58;12 – 10;48;56;18

Rick

Whatever kind of things.

10;48;56;18 – 10;48;54;22

Aaron

That go down in your thought process?

10;48;54;02 – 10;48;49;12

Rick

And I call those managers and I call it like, Man, I need some.

10;48;49;12 – 10;48;41;22

Aaron

Man to do. I need some room where I’m remembering some reminders of why I’m doing what I’m doing.

10;48;41;16 – 10;48;38;15

Rick

And I’ve personally created.

10;48;38;15 – 10;48;35;03

Aaron

two tools that help me recalibrate a.

10;48;35;03 – 10;48;31;15

Rick

Little bit emotionally. one of them is it’s just.

10;48;31;00 – 10;48;25;16

Aaron

It’s just quotes, encouraging words, scriptures of.

10;48;25;15 – 10;48;25;01

Rick

Things.

10;48;25;01 – 10;48;16;15

Aaron

Reminders of my values and why I’m doing it. And so reading through those receptors, my emotions.

10;48;15;21 – 10;48;14;11

Rick

And it reminds.

10;48;14;11 – 10;47;57;15

Aaron

Me, Oh yeah, that’s true. And yeah, I really do want to see that happen. That’s why I ask you guys about the vision. You know what? What’s worth, getting up, what’s worth the pain, what’s worth the suffering? There’s a picture that I see that doesn’t exist yet and is only valuable, and I’m going to effort to make

10;47;57;15 – 10;47;57;00

Aaron

it happen.

10;47;56;01 – 10;47;54;03

Rick

The other tool is this kind of a.

10;47;54;03 – 10;47;45;00

Aaron

Reminder of all the different ways in my context of how God has gone before me and moved on my behalf. And I have the dates and the events.

10;47;44;17 – 10;47;42;22

Rick

And it just reminds you that you’re not alone.

10;47;42;16 – 10;47;40;24

Aaron

That you’re on a journey of purpose.

10;47;39;10 – 10;47;37;05

Rick

And I think in the in our day and time.

10;47;37;05 – 10;47;22;19

Aaron

We’re going through COVID and still in it and how it exacerbates marriages and homes, individuals and leaders on there, maybe not having a great, solid foundation.

10;47;21;12 – 10;47;19;16

Rick

A lot of the battle is in our minds.

10;47;18;28 – 10;47;11;03

Aaron

While the battle is at our heart and some of it is just emotions. Sometimes it’s just a fog. one of.

10;47;11;03 – 10;47;10;05

Rick

The things what miners have.

10;47;10;05 – 10;47;04;25

Aaron

Good reasons why this is happening, but you know, some of these things are out of our control.

10;47;04;11 – 10;46;59;21

Aaron

So the two recalibration issues are encouragement.

10;46;59;10 – 10;46;56;10

Rick

Mm-Hmm. So I call it my life coaches and.

10;46;56;10 – 10;46;54;03

Aaron

Encouraging words and six quotes and.

10;46;53;29 – 10;46;53;24

Rick

In.

10;46;53;23 – 10;46;51;27

Aaron

Scriptures and and.

10;46;50;18 – 10;46;50;05

Rick

Just these.

10;46;50;04 – 10;46;36;10

Aaron

Inspirational thoughts that are really like help me get back on track. And then the other one is a reminder of how I’ve done here, different ways that have been that in my case, got his move or no for us to confirm we’re on this path.

10;46;35;28 – 10;46;33;27

Rick

And so it was kind of like a.

10;46;32;24 – 10;46;30;10

Aaron

You know, a hall of remembrance, if you will.

10;46;30;06 – 10;46;29;16

Rick

But then also.

10;46;29;16 – 10;46;27;19

Aaron

The feeling of encouragement of like.

10;46;27;18 – 10;46;26;19

Rick

You’re doing something.

10;46;26;19 – 10;46;25;11

Aaron

That’s worthwhile.

10;46;24;15 – 10;46;23;02

Rick

You just don’t feel like it today.

10;46;22;28 – 10;46;21;08

Aaron

Or you don’t feel like doing it today.

10;46;20;22 – 10;46;19;03

Rick

And it’s like getting once again.

10;46;19;02 – 10;46;16;23

Aaron

Attaching it back to the value. And the purpose.

10;46;16;04 – 10;46;15;01

Rick

Is a really it doesn’t have.

10;46;14;23 – 10;46;13;03

Aaron

A purpose. I’m probably have to give up.

10;46;12;19 – 10;46;00;15

Aaron

Mm-Hmm. I had that when I first had a salary job. My boss at the time wisely gave me this advice, he said. He said Every time you get encouraging now, it’s something that is meaningful to you at the moment to save it.

10;46;00;11 – 10;45;47;12

Aaron

And he had a file. This is the encouragement that you’re going to need it at some point because you’re going to want to quit your job like a dozen. Yeah, it’s hard. It gets hard, but it’s worth it, right?

10;45;47;08 – 10;45;44;16

Aaron

I need to go back and go, OK, this is why I’m still doing.

10;45;43;22 – 10;45;23;28

Jon

I have screenshots in a box and it’s similar to my mindset. Mentors, men. I’ve served with people who work with things like that, but some reason it’s interesting. I actually read three things that you do when you feel discouraged and you’re kind of questioning that or looking for a refreshment to stay the course, right?

10;45;23;13 – 10;45;11;26

Jon

It’s like I of the framework. You know, your dream. You know, you’re discouraged the three things that you do, or you try to remember the why like, why am I on this pursuit, right? When what is the vision?

10;45;11;11 – 10;44;57;07

Jon

What is the goal that motivated me to start this in the first place? And then with that in mind, revisit some encouragement, right? Whether it’s, you know, quotes, whether it’s words, encouragement, you say from partners, what have you?

10;44;56;24 – 10;44;44;11

Jon

And then the third one is remember victories, right? Because this isn’t it’s unlikely. This is the first difficult thing that you cannot overcome. If it is, then get past it and remember it.

10;44;43;15 – 10;44;39;17

Aaron

There’s a long way. Yeah, but if you’re looking for. Yeah.

10;44;39;08 – 10;44;20;21

Jon

If you survived that conflict already, you it’s pretty. Remember beating it. And you talked about that. OK, I’m going to remember why I’m doing this. If I’m going to remember the last conflict I had that I overcame in the pursuit of this and maybe the one before that, maybe long before that, we knew how beat up I

10;44;20;21 – 10;44;08;08

Jon

feel. And then I was going to top off that little motivation pill with looking at some encouragement, some some kind words, some things that really blew me away that I or that I need to hear, right? Because like, when we’re hungry, we eat.

10;44;08;01 – 10;44;04;13

Jon

Yeah. So if you’re discouraged, consume encouraging.

10;44;03;15 – 10;44;02;26

Aaron

Very logical.

10;44;02;26 – 10;43;59;17

Jon

But those are the three things I heard. And I think that.

10;43;59;17 – 10;43;38;05

Aaron

It’s not foreign to anybody at the highest level names. We all know that I’ve done incredible things could tell you, they’ll say. In fact, I was in this incredible little podcast about the these ten top leaders, and they were asked their top five motivators and their top five most influential pieces with becoming who they are.

10;43;37;26 – 10;43;32;12

Aaron

And at least three or four of them were major failures or times really had to get through difficulty.

10;43;31;25 – 10;43;28;10

Jon

Or failure to find more than cover to write, you know.

10;43;28;00 – 10;43;13;29

Aaron

Yeah, it’s it was there. Not not quitting, but failing. There’s the difference. Right. So just realizing they came to the rehearsals and now they have to calibrate differently and it changes the next thing going forward. But they didn’t.

10;43;13;21 – 10;43;12;02

Aaron

Yeah, I can’t walk.

10;43;12;02 – 10;43;11;05

Aaron

Away. I agree.

10;43;11;05 – 10;43;09;27

Rick

With. And I think that.

10;43;08;15 – 10;43;07;26

Aaron

We.

10;43;07;10 – 10;43;05;29

Rick

We misunderstand.

10;43;05;29 – 10;43;03;08

Aaron

How powerful discouragement is. Mm hmm.

10;43;03;01 – 10;42;58;23

Rick

So when I was on the other side of that burnout.

10;42;58;23 – 10;42;53;22

Aaron

Experience, I shared with you that there was a belief in me that my best days were behind me.

10;42;52;13 – 10;42;50;29

Rick

And that and I literally felt.

10;42;50;29 – 10;42;49;06

Aaron

That I felt defeated in our thought.

10;42;48;23 – 10;42;45;23

Rick

Well, this is and I had a friends in.

10;42;45;23 – 10;42;34;03

Aaron

one of our life group meetings when I was sharing that, and he’s like, Do you believe that that thought is from God? And I thought. No, he wouldn’t say that.

10;42;33;08 – 10;42;32;13

Rick

And then it clicked, why.

10;42;32;13 – 10;42;31;14

Aaron

Am I thinking that?

10;42;31;00 – 10;42;28;16

Aaron

Yeah, I got what a good friend. That’s it. Yeah.

10;42;28;05 – 10;42;27;06

Rick

A good friend would say that.

10;42;26;25 – 10;42;24;18

Aaron

You know, it’s not good. It’s not.

10;42;24;16 – 10;42;12;09

Jon

Is. This is the thought. And you see this with a lot of people. Yeah. If your best days are behind you, then why continue it? Right? Like, there’s this, and I think we brought this up in an earlier conversation.

10;42;12;09 – 10;41;54;12

Jon

But there’s this lady. I heard this reading actually twelve rules for, like the Jordan Peterson was one of the examples that he wrote. He shared. But there is this lady at a cocktail party and there’s a psychiatrist or psychologist there, something she’s talkative and kind of explaining what’s wrong with her getting some free counseling right at this

10;41;54;12 – 10;41;39;14

Jon

point? And she she kind of just goes, OK, what’s wrong with me? And it took the gentleman party off guard, right? What do you mean? What’s wrong with you? You want something wrong with you? And she said, absolutely, because if something’s wrong with me, I can work to fix it.

10;41;39;03 – 10;41;23;13

Jon

I can work to change it. If nothing’s wrong with me, this is the world, then I might as well put myself in. And to me, there’s a bottom line. There are things that are good and there are things that are not good or bad, and it’s good to be able to differentiate between the two, you know, which

10;41;23;13 – 10;41;07;18

Jon

is which. So if you are entertaining the lie or the thought that my best days are behind me, that is not good and that is bad, that will only lead you to not living may maybe existing, but not living.

10;41;06;25 – 10;40;52;27

Jon

So what is good that you can pull from that? Well, I don’t know how to fix that. It may be true. It may be hard, but I’m going to begin working to find what a better day might look like and how I might be able to take the first step to it.

10;40;52;27 – 10;40;50;04

Jon

And then I’m going to and take that step. Yeah. You know.

10;40;50;04 – 10;40;48;24

Rick

If you’re in that state of.

10;40;48;24 – 10;40;48;10

Aaron

Mind.

10;40;46;02 – 10;40;44;02

Rick

We affectionately call that the of suck.

10;40;43;23 – 10;40;42;12

Aaron

Yes, that is.

10;40;41;23 – 10;40;38;27

Aaron

It isn’t right. It pretty hard to say.

10;40;38;05 – 10;40;36;23

Rick

But sometimes you need someone else.

10;40;36;23 – 10;40;36;03

Aaron

To remind you.

10;40;35;25 – 10;40;35;15

Aaron

Mm-Hmm.

10;40;35;13 – 10;40;31;29

Rick

Yeah. And for whatever reason, in that stage of life, I didn’t.

10;40;31;29 – 10;40;19;29

Aaron

Have the capacity or wasn’t getting there on my own. But after truth was spoken into me, I was like, Well, my best days are ahead of me, and I think you’re right. This is not a truth, which is a lie believing in it.

10;40;19;07 – 10;40;17;17

Rick

And that, to me, is a motivating.

10;40;17;17 – 10;40;08;29

Aaron

Factor to come alongside leaders, as if you’re in a place where you feel like your best days are behind you. That’s human. That’s okay. It’s just not true.

10;40;08;13 – 10;40;02;05

Rick

And there are a lot of things that can change or maybe need to change to help get back up out of the valley and.

10;40;01;24 – 10;40;01;00

Aaron

On the mountain peaks.

10;40;01;00 – 10;39;57;08

Rick

But just staying there and recognizing.

10;39;57;08 – 10;39;53;15

Aaron

That that’s the case is to be stopped or something needs to change.

10;39;53;12 – 10;39;34;02

Jon

Yeah, that just true with that one. Just a quick shout out to the importance of choosing leaders surrounding yourself with to the best of your ability, right when you’re crafting and investing your inner circle. It really pays to do it with journaling or, you know, whatever your situation with friends or people who are going to be watching

10;39;34;02 – 10;39;23;24

Jon

, you speak what’s good to you when you need it right and be able to jump into the valley with you and say, Well, I guess I can hear, yeah, but I’m going to sit with you for a bit, but then we’re going to start moving.

10;39;23;08 – 10;39;13;26

Jon

I’m tired. That’s fine. You’re so moving, right? So that’s kind of one aspect of it, which is really great. You know, it’s just pushing through.

10;39;13;12 – 10;39;02;18

Aaron

Is what a valuable time to have at the moment. You know, you’re right, and this is a voice that was not know it was. And it was really making what we call it, making the storm longer than it needs to be.

10;39;02;18 – 10;39;02;03

Rick

That’s right.

10;39;02;01 – 10;39;00;27

Aaron

And perpetuating.

10;39;00;14 – 10;38;59;26

Aaron

The thoughts.

10;38;59;26 – 10;38;58;06

Rick

That almost in.

10;38;58;06 – 10;38;51;22

Aaron

A self protecting self-healing self, everything was self.

10;38;50;11 – 10;38;37;00

Jon

To that point, I forgot the second point. Thank you because you both just jogged it again. But the Senate? Yes, there’s this weird quasi ownership, especially when you know you’re about to intrude on sometimes circumstance. I’m about to about a storm.

10;38;36;28 – 10;38;21;16

Jon

Yeah, right. I’m coming on this storm. There’s this weird adverse ownership look like I’m going to be depressed. I’m going to be hurting. I’m going to be these things. And when I hear that I hate it, I hate it with everything in me because I’m like, Okay, here’s a novel idea, right?

10;38;21;08 – 10;38;09;16

Jon

If you’re about to get punched in the face, it’s going to hurt. Let’s instead of thinking about how much it’s going to hurt, I’m going to be hurting my eyes, going to bruise up and it may swell and I want to shift our perspective too.

10;38;09;05 – 10;37;59;14

Jon

I’m going to be punched in the face and I’m going to do this to keep you right. Whatever small thing it is like, it’s fair when you’re going to go through hell that it’s going to suck. No one’s saying about this.

10;37;59;10 – 10;37;42;17

Jon

It’s not going to sit right. But instead of only inflaming that, I’m going to be depressed, right? Why don’t we instead say, OK, this is going to be very hard? I can tell him about to challenge. I can tell it’s about to put me in a conflict on areas that I could be stronger.

10;37;41;09 – 10;37;23;00

Jon

I’m going to start owning the weight through it instead of owning the death of it. You know, I’m not going to own the depression. I’m going to own the pursuit of health through the depression beyond it. Right now, I’m going to set my target on the other.

10;37;22;01 – 10;37;10;12

Jon

On the other side of this dark time. Right? Because if I know I’m going experience, I have a self-awareness and I’m going to that. There is no point in owning it and making it my own. And then because that’s going to perpetuate the pain.

10;37;10;03 – 10;36;59;01

Jon

You might as well begin to dial in on to the things that will help shorten that time while still allowing me to learn what needs to be learned in that time to get through it and then apply it.

10;36;58;21 – 10;36;44;20

Aaron

I think it’s wonderful, especially if you’ve been through adversity or have those skill sets. And I think if you’re at a place where you don’t know where to turn, then it’s like your step one is to ask for help.

10;36;44;03 – 10;36;38;20

Aaron

It really is. So if you don’t know how to navigate or you’re fearful or overwhelmed by.

10;36;38;20 – 10;36;35;21

Rick

It, then that’s okay to like. Ideally, I’d like.

10;36;35;21 – 10;36;30;05

Aaron

To say, Oh, here’s another storm. I know what to do in the storm closed the windows in the back of the hatches.

10;36;29;11 – 10;36;27;06

Rick

But you know, some.

10;36;27;05 – 10;36;18;00

Aaron

Some people are at a place of in survival mode where you or your defense posture is fight or flight or fright.

10;36;17;22 – 10;36;17;11

Aaron

Mm-Hmm.

10;36;17;02 – 10;36;16;11

Rick

And in that.

10;36;16;11 – 10;36;06;08

Aaron

Case, if you’re in the flight standpoint, you’re going to basically curl in a ball or feel debilitated in a sense. And you know.

10;36;04;02 – 10;36;00;21

Rick

That’s where someone realizing your self-awareness.

10;36;00;21 – 10;35;56;13

Aaron

Is, this is how I function. And I need someone to help me get out of the valley.

10;35;55;02 – 10;35;37;08

Jon

And it’s just that’s really what I think. It’s really good balance, right? Because here he says, OK, yeah, you’re right. I am speaking very authoritatively. This is how you can push through that with the compassion side. And the realism is you may not have those quick clippings.

10;35;37;03 – 10;35;22;15

Jon

You don’t know how that skillset and what I love you define what that what the first step towards that skillset is. It’s not going to this is going to be depressing, right? This is going to break me. I’m going to own the fact that I need help and I’m going to pursue that help.

10;35;21;26 – 10;35;06;09

Jon

So in the same way, you’re doing the same thing, just wine. We need to start if you don’t know how to do that, and it probably is rare that you would do that on your own anyways, even when you know, like any and practically if you’re going to bring in my buddies, right?

10;35;06;08 – 10;34;57;08

Jon

I mean, in these things. It’s like I’m just an ass for help from someone who I think might know. Yeah, you know, and maybe that’s the only thing I can say to do, like, Hey, I need to surround myself with people.

10;34;57;01 – 10;34;50;11

Jon

Yeah, trying to do so. I just thought there’s a wonderful correction, added added layer of perspective.

10;34;50;10 – 10;34;45;07

Rick

And I think if you’re a fighter, they’re like, Let’s go, let’s go time. You know, you’re going to. And if you’re a.

10;34;45;07 – 10;34;44;05

Aaron

Flight or.

10;34;44;00 – 10;34;40;25

Aaron

Yeah, I feel like I’m out of your ticket or they thing, what has.

10;34;40;07 – 10;34;37;11

Jon

Happened that you’re right? Yeah, for example, like.

10;34;37;08 – 10;34;35;25

Aaron

I think you’re just paralyzing.

10;34;35;25 – 10;34;34;17

Jon

Fear, you know?

10;34;34;11 – 10;34;33;11

Aaron

You know, you just stop.

10;34;32;29 – 10;34;19;09

Aaron

While you go. So if you’re this is as we wrap here, I’m just thinking about like, this is the power of a coach, right? Because if you have something you know that you have to do like this is identified, I must win in this area.

10;34;18;27 – 10;34;04;06

Aaron

But I’m just not strong enough to do it or I know it. And sometimes the strength is I’m in my own way. Like, I know I’ll get to a certain point. I’m taking over because I’m just I’m limited in that moment, just grit through it like I should.

10;34;03;23 – 10;33;52;21

Aaron

But if I had somebody next to me, you know, yelling at me as it were, you know, and as we’re pushing me up that hill a little bit, then OK, fine. Then I’ve identified that’s what’s going to help me to get up there.

10;33;52;16 – 10;33;41;01

Aaron

Yeah, it’s the power of a coach. Like, it just pushes you so much further. You have it in you. Absolutely. Very likely you have it. So you just need someone to temper the way. Yeah.

10;33;40;18 – 10;33;24;20

Jon

Yeah, it’s like the three things to seek out, right? So when you’re going through the fight with you from their own perspective, right, you can have wonderful encouragement from that mentor level. And it’s, you know, it’s really, really does to bring in.

10;33;24;20 – 10;33;08;02

Jon

And it’s interesting because one of the men I had a gentleman who was in his seventies and his mentor of mine for years and cherish him. And he had a mental reason to sign it. And it’s interesting because it’s like it’s it’s easy regardless of the stage, Fletcher, if you have the ability to have a mentor.

10;33;07;24 – 10;33;05;05

Jon

It is. So it’s an old school relationship.

10;33;05;05 – 10;33;03;09

Aaron

So much.

10;33;02;15 – 10;33;01;14

Rick

Yeah. And I like to think of it.

10;33;01;14 – 10;32;55;25

Aaron

As a guy because, you know, like here’s some like playbooks or ideas or.

10;32;54;27 – 10;32;50;09

Rick

Or maybe some new skill sets that you gain, but you’re right, you have it in here.

10;32;49;08 – 10;32;41;27

Aaron

Especially if you’re a leader and still in leadership, which has hit some things, we get stuck or we need help with and we all are there.

10;32;40;13 – 10;32;32;24

Rick

But you know, there have been are specialized guys. You know, if you want to bulk up and compete in a Mr. Universe.

10;32;32;24 – 10;32;25;24

Aaron

Or whatever, then you probably know someone who knows nutrition, you know, and weightlifting and all that kind of stuff that comes with it.

10;32;25;06 – 10;32;24;01

Rick

That would be a that would be.

10;32;24;01 – 10;32;20;14

Aaron

Smart to hire someone to help you get there on your own.

10;32;20;14 – 10;32;17;09

Rick

But if you’re if you’re a leader, we’re going to try.

10;32;17;07 – 10;32;06;18

Aaron

Those things on our own, you know, especially if you’re an entrepreneur, because that’s kind of the reason why you’re doing it. It’s like, I want to see if I can do this. I want to experience the freedom benefits.

10;32;05;11 – 10;32;04;17

Rick

And then you will.

10;32;04;10 – 10;31;50;07

Aaron

You will experience success. But then you also experience that resistance. And it’s like, how do we think differently or utilize new tools to get to a different place? But I would hate for you to be experienced so much success that it’s overwhelming.

10;31;50;07 – 10;31;41;09

Aaron

And then you’re bankrupt in your heart and in your personal life because you can’t sustain that pressure, you’re going through human existence.

10;31;41;07 – 10;31;40;20

Rick

It seems.

10;31;40;20 – 10;31;36;11

Aaron

Like it’s inevitable that some of these flames out somewhere along the way, and I still.

10;31;36;11 – 10;31;35;15

Rick

Is. I mean that you.

10;31;35;06 – 10;31;32;01

Aaron

Won’t ever experience hardships or health or whatever.

10;31;30;23 – 10;31;30;08

Rick

But I just.

10;31;30;08 – 10;31;18;26

Aaron

Think the there’s a lot of peace and there’s a lot of joy. There’s a lot of being present and enjoying today when you’re living in places that you truly enjoy. Mm-Hmm.

10;31;18;10 – 10;31;00;23

Aaron

Wow. That is terrible. I love what we talked about. The is a healthy conversation that you’re not really free shipping. I love that. I love that. We talked about addressing what our capacity is and and how much we have in our jar and what that looks like a love that we touch that what’s life giving and life

10;31;00;22 – 10;30;41;05

Aaron

taking a little bit of homework you have out there for? Maybe you do that with the spouse or even even yourself, right? Being honest, writing out, that was how we can get energy, identify with things we need to go do when we’re starting to get burnt out, managing our week or values facing the finite or the limitations

10;30;40;26 – 10;30;26;22

Aaron

of who we are and really going beyond survival is beyond survival coaching as that put a base bow on it. Yeah, that’s what you’re doing. We’re we’re getting, we’re understanding. Sometimes we are surviving, but there is a way to not live there.

10;30;26;19 – 10;30;20;16

Aaron

We’re trying to go beyond that. And that’s that’s how you’re that’s what you’re doing. Yeah. Now I love talking to you.

10;30;20;13 – 10;30;18;28

Aaron

Yes, it’s a blessing. So real.

10;30;18;28 – 10;30;11;22

Jon

Quick. Before we go, would you mind sharing a little bit more of a if if someone wants to learn more about your what you’re doing with your coaching and.

10;30;11;04 – 10;30;10;22

Aaron

Look to.

10;30;10;09 – 10;30;08;26

Jon

Leadership survival guiding?

10;30;08;12 – 10;30;07;26

Aaron

Yes.

10;30;07;13 – 10;30;06;07

Rick

Well, I mean, if.

10;30;06;01 – 10;29;59;02

Aaron

Before we’ve talked about resonated with a friend that you know or yourself and you’re like, Hey, I just want to help for a period of time.

10;29;57;17 – 10;29;55;10

Rick

I think I’ll give you the framework to.

10;29;55;10 – 10;29;43;15

Aaron

I think through that coaching is one. Are you in survival mode or are you in a stabilization mode or are you in strategy mode? Are you in strengthening or you and success thriving when.

10;29;42;16 – 10;29;41;22

Rick

We all get.

10;29;41;22 – 10;29;39;00

Aaron

Through those seasons one way or another?

10;29;38;01 – 10;29;37;19

Rick

If you’re in.

10;29;37;19 – 10;29;32;23

Aaron

Survival mode, you know you need the basics, you need to pressure off any food or water.

10;29;32;03 – 10;29;30;28

Rick

If you’re in a stabilizing.

10;29;30;28 – 10;29;25;23

Aaron

Mode means that you know the ship needs some securing so that.

10;29;25;23 – 10;29;23;02

Rick

When it’s not going to go under. My favorite a.

10;29;23;02 – 10;29;14;07

Aaron

Strategy because then we get to dream. Which is to say, when you talk about, you know, the question I asked at the beginning, what’s the vision, what I hope to see, what to do?

10;29;14;07 – 10;29;13;05

Rick

Will I be if I’m plucked.

10;29;13;05 – 10;29;01;19

Aaron

Out of here and planted somewhere else in a different state or what values? And then you start putting strength behind that and strengthening those vision, those values, that heartbeat.

10;29;01;00 – 10;29;00;08

Rick

And then I believe.

10;29;00;08 – 10;28;53;13

Aaron

Over time, we experience success and sometimes we have to evolve again and go through those stages.

10;28;53;05 – 10;28;52;13

Rick

Hopefully, all the way.

10;28;52;13 – 10;28;41;14

Aaron

Back down to survival. But things happen. You know, marriages don’t stay long term. The stock market can crash. There’s the.

10;28;41;13 – 10;28;37;14

Rick

Things that happen to have an effect on us that then, you know, take.

10;28;37;14 – 10;28;34;10

Aaron

Us out of our rhythm and we need help.

10;28;34;02 – 10;28;28;21

Rick

Getting it back. And then in the business side, it’s there. We go through those a lot.

10;28;28;21 – 10;28;27;08

Aaron

Of times, you know, feast or famine.

10;28;26;18 – 10;28;25;24

Aaron

I mean, when you have.

10;28;25;20 – 10;28;21;29

Rick

Those kind of things. And so it’s just being methodical and making.

10;28;21;29 – 10;28;16;24

Aaron

Sure I’m doing the things that are going to be most successful for my business or organization.

10;28;16;04 – 10;28;04;04

Aaron

Greg, thanks to you for doing what you’re doing. I love the conversation about really protecting our values and what it takes to bolster that movie and live that way. And so being really intentional. So thanks for that voice.

10;28;04;01 – 10;28;03;07

Aaron

Thanks for having me.

10;28;02;28 – 10;28;00;04

Jon

Yeah, thank you. What’s the best way for people to reach out?

10;27;59;17 – 10;27;58;18

Rick

They can go to.

10;27;58;18 – 10;27;51;03

Aaron

Beyond Survival dot org. As far as the website. Or you can email me at Rick at survival coaching.

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